The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Once More My Love (Part 1)"Love Among the Thorns
32 total reviews
Comment from marijmd
Its sad how this first love can hold Nathan back so much from the other good things in his life - I truly thought that Grace was what he needed to be a man.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2014
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Its sad how this first love can hold Nathan back so much from the other good things in his life - I truly thought that Grace was what he needed to be a man.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2014
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Awh, if life was just that simple. Someone needs to talk to Grace about forgiveness. Thank you so much, marijmd for keeping up with this story.
Comment from OLA THOMAS
Very well managed and well presented chapter. I love the use of your chapter dividers, gives a clean insight to a reader. Well tailored story too.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Very well managed and well presented chapter. I love the use of your chapter dividers, gives a clean insight to a reader. Well tailored story too.
ola thomas
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Thank you, OLA.
Comment from Jay Squires
I'm enjoying this immensely. Only thing, did I miss a chapter where Nathan got together with Margaret? I thought I'd read them all, but it seems the last I remember he was avoiding her and she was blackmailing the Koren's.
Judging from the picture they didn't know how to kiss back then, did they? He missed her lips completely.
but the humor never reached his gorgeous blue eyes. [I love this line!]
Why...this town would have been ruin if it hadn't been for you [either RUINED or IN RUIN]
Elizabeth watched as ee turned and left the house. [HE? >> I'm surprised spell check didn't get this.]
women are not taking this kind of thing lying down." [Did he mean this as a pun?]
she said, trying to hold back the tears.
[Spacing error.]
Expertly told, with emotion, intelligence and solid imagery.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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I'm enjoying this immensely. Only thing, did I miss a chapter where Nathan got together with Margaret? I thought I'd read them all, but it seems the last I remember he was avoiding her and she was blackmailing the Koren's.
Judging from the picture they didn't know how to kiss back then, did they? He missed her lips completely.
but the humor never reached his gorgeous blue eyes. [I love this line!]
Why...this town would have been ruin if it hadn't been for you [either RUINED or IN RUIN]
Elizabeth watched as ee turned and left the house. [HE? >> I'm surprised spell check didn't get this.]
women are not taking this kind of thing lying down." [Did he mean this as a pun?]
she said, trying to hold back the tears.
[Spacing error.]
Expertly told, with emotion, intelligence and solid imagery.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Thanks Jay. I fixed ee an hour ago. You're getting slow, Jay. LOL I'm kidding. I did fix ruined but can't find she said holding back the tears. I think I took that out a few minutes ago. I have to go back a re-read. He missed her lips completely LOL! I have to look at the picture again. Thanks for pointing out the line you liked. I appreciate your help.
Comment from forestport12
Been gone awhile, but I like getting back to Nathan and his relationship with his wife. This was a tender and thoughtful piece of writing. I could feel the emotion, the sense of what they have been for each other. The dialogue was one of your best.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Been gone awhile, but I like getting back to Nathan and his relationship with his wife. This was a tender and thoughtful piece of writing. I could feel the emotion, the sense of what they have been for each other. The dialogue was one of your best.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Thank you so much; and welcome back.
Comment from adewpearl
Good work in the opening of the chapter updating the lives of the characters
good natural-sounding dialogue that expresses emotions well
a cold stare - good use of non-verbal communication as well
Brooke
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Good work in the opening of the chapter updating the lives of the characters
good natural-sounding dialogue that expresses emotions well
a cold stare - good use of non-verbal communication as well
Brooke
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Thank you, Brooke. I always look forward to your comments of my work.
Comment from royowen
I must I've been sucked in by this very sad story, a triangular story about Nathan, Margaret, and Grace, but Nate doesn't appear to have lost his appetite for Margaret, and I think Grace is still in love with Nathan! I'm enjoying your well written and absorbing story, Amahra, well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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I must I've been sucked in by this very sad story, a triangular story about Nathan, Margaret, and Grace, but Nate doesn't appear to have lost his appetite for Margaret, and I think Grace is still in love with Nathan! I'm enjoying your well written and absorbing story, Amahra, well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Thank you, Roy. So glad you're enjoying the story. I hope you like fantasy fiction; that's my next book I'm posting.
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I'm a fan Amahra, I'm stuck!
Comment from onebrit
What is wrong with this man? Why isn't he fighting for his wife instead of spending all his time with this horrible woman....Please dont let him get on the train with her because then its over. Grace is beginning to soften a little...
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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What is wrong with this man? Why isn't he fighting for his wife instead of spending all his time with this horrible woman....Please dont let him get on the train with her because then its over. Grace is beginning to soften a little...
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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OMG! Is this a coincidence or what? You're from England and live in Texas. My characters live in Texas and Nathan and Margaret are planning to live in a fantasy place called Wakefield Manor in Berkshire, England. This is too good. Thank you so much for reading my story and really appreciate it.
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I didnt even pick up on that! England is a popular destination I suppose. Im really hoping only one of this star crossed couple gets there!
Comment from Drew Delaney
"Are sure you don't want us to go together?"
Are YOU sure you don't want us ( A typing error) Sometimes, our minds travel faster than our hands. LOL
Really getting interesting now. Will he miss the boat? I am expecting so, but maybe I'm wrong. Keep up the great writing, amahra.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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"Are sure you don't want us to go together?"
Are YOU sure you don't want us ( A typing error) Sometimes, our minds travel faster than our hands. LOL
Really getting interesting now. Will he miss the boat? I am expecting so, but maybe I'm wrong. Keep up the great writing, amahra.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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I was wondering where that darn 'you' went. And you had it all the time. LOL. Thank you, Drew.
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Yes, I wanted YOU, but you didn't belong with me, so I sent it back. LOL Your most welcome.
Comment from abbasjoy
This story is very interesting. Thanks for the background and the synopsis of the previous chapter, which helps those who are not familiar with the story.
I somehow feel sorry for Nathan. Despite the fact that he is going off with Margaret, whom he is supposed to be in love with, it appears to me she is the one more in love with him, and is pushing this whole affair.
I think he still loves Grace, and she surely is still in love with him, plus they have a child together, whom he seems to adore.
I hope they get back together. I believe his life with Margaret is not the best choice.
Good job! An enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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This story is very interesting. Thanks for the background and the synopsis of the previous chapter, which helps those who are not familiar with the story.
I somehow feel sorry for Nathan. Despite the fact that he is going off with Margaret, whom he is supposed to be in love with, it appears to me she is the one more in love with him, and is pushing this whole affair.
I think he still loves Grace, and she surely is still in love with him, plus they have a child together, whom he seems to adore.
I hope they get back together. I believe his life with Margaret is not the best choice.
Good job! An enjoyable read.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Thank you so much abbasjoy for keeping up with this story. I'm really glad you're enjoying it.
Comment from jaeladarling
I think I need to start following you so I can be sure to pick up on each new chapter. :) I happened upon this one by chance!
The story is progressing well, and I can't wait to see what happens next.
A handful of nits for your consideration:
"home in Berkshire, she named" (No comma)
"No thank you. Merald." (Change the first period to a comma)
"in the over stuffed chair." (Should be "overstuffed", "over-stuffed", or "overly stuffed")
"Then he looked up and over his spectacles at her, he said," (This should be: "Then he looked up and over his spectacles at her and said,")
"but heard very little" (You'll want to add "he" after "but" for consistency)
"He couldn't help but think of the third female who was caught up in this fine mess - his daughter; she would" (Change to: "He couldn't help but think of the third female who was caught up in this fine mess: his daughter. She would")
"Mary looked at Grace very unconcerned." "Mary's stare was very cold." (Yikes. Too many instances of "very". You could get away with leaving it in the first sentence, but maybe in the second one, you could have something like, "Mary's stare was ice." Or "icy cold." Or, "Mary shot Grace an icy stare." Something along those lines.)
"She shook her and made a" (I think you meant "she shook her head".)
"Mother go and oversee" (Comma after "Mother")
"Then, Mother just go find something else to do." (You don't really need to have "Mother" here again. It's redundant. You also don't need the comma. All you really need is, "Then just go find something else to do.")
I want to be alone right now,"
she said, trying to hold back the tears. (Well, I'm certainly not trying to tell you how to write your own book, but this is what popped into my head: ["I want to be alone right now." She waved her hand dismissively, tears threatening to spill from her shining eyes.] Something like that. Just a suggestion. :) Either way, you'll want to pull back the "she said" line so that it's properly attached to the previous sentence.)
"through the pictures; the memories" (Since this sentence turns into a rather long one, it would be better to turn it into two sentences. "through the pictures. The memories")
"edge of the bed, holding the pictures to her breasts and wept." (This should be, "edge of the bed, holding the pictures to her breasts and weeping." Or, "edge of the bed, held the pictures to her breasts, and wept." Gotta be consistent with those verbs! :) )
"up to the ceiling, but never" (No comma)
"tidied-up" (No dash)
"seven O'clock sharp." (No need for the capital "o")
"Yes, I know;" (The semicolon should be a colon)
"train at six-forty-five" (Don't forget the period at the end of the sentence.)
"Your things, alone," (No commas)
"She playfully waved her hand at him. She climbed onto the back seat." (This would sound much better as one sentence: "She playfully waved her hand at him and climbed into the back seat.")
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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I think I need to start following you so I can be sure to pick up on each new chapter. :) I happened upon this one by chance!
The story is progressing well, and I can't wait to see what happens next.
A handful of nits for your consideration:
"home in Berkshire, she named" (No comma)
"No thank you. Merald." (Change the first period to a comma)
"in the over stuffed chair." (Should be "overstuffed", "over-stuffed", or "overly stuffed")
"Then he looked up and over his spectacles at her, he said," (This should be: "Then he looked up and over his spectacles at her and said,")
"but heard very little" (You'll want to add "he" after "but" for consistency)
"He couldn't help but think of the third female who was caught up in this fine mess - his daughter; she would" (Change to: "He couldn't help but think of the third female who was caught up in this fine mess: his daughter. She would")
"Mary looked at Grace very unconcerned." "Mary's stare was very cold." (Yikes. Too many instances of "very". You could get away with leaving it in the first sentence, but maybe in the second one, you could have something like, "Mary's stare was ice." Or "icy cold." Or, "Mary shot Grace an icy stare." Something along those lines.)
"She shook her and made a" (I think you meant "she shook her head".)
"Mother go and oversee" (Comma after "Mother")
"Then, Mother just go find something else to do." (You don't really need to have "Mother" here again. It's redundant. You also don't need the comma. All you really need is, "Then just go find something else to do.")
I want to be alone right now,"
she said, trying to hold back the tears. (Well, I'm certainly not trying to tell you how to write your own book, but this is what popped into my head: ["I want to be alone right now." She waved her hand dismissively, tears threatening to spill from her shining eyes.] Something like that. Just a suggestion. :) Either way, you'll want to pull back the "she said" line so that it's properly attached to the previous sentence.)
"through the pictures; the memories" (Since this sentence turns into a rather long one, it would be better to turn it into two sentences. "through the pictures. The memories")
"edge of the bed, holding the pictures to her breasts and wept." (This should be, "edge of the bed, holding the pictures to her breasts and weeping." Or, "edge of the bed, held the pictures to her breasts, and wept." Gotta be consistent with those verbs! :) )
"up to the ceiling, but never" (No comma)
"tidied-up" (No dash)
"seven O'clock sharp." (No need for the capital "o")
"Yes, I know;" (The semicolon should be a colon)
"train at six-forty-five" (Don't forget the period at the end of the sentence.)
"Your things, alone," (No commas)
"She playfully waved her hand at him. She climbed onto the back seat." (This would sound much better as one sentence: "She playfully waved her hand at him and climbed into the back seat.")
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much, jaeladarling. Your suggestions are very helpful. I'll go back and make corrections. I really appreciate the help.
