Race War
Chapter one: Jerome33 total reviews
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
lancellot:
Well, in my honest opinion, you met the requirements
of this contest - you wrote a short story that left
me wanting to know, "But, what's the rest of the
story?" Do you plan to continue this later on?
Good luck in the contest.
love, jan
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lancellot:
Well, in my honest opinion, you met the requirements
of this contest - you wrote a short story that left
me wanting to know, "But, what's the rest of the
story?" Do you plan to continue this later on?
Good luck in the contest.
love, jan
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
Comment from Ric Myworld
Yes, if only they truly were smart enough to think that way. Unfortunately, envy and jealousy rules, and a easy way out that is, which never comes. Thanks for the interesting read. :-)
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Yes, if only they truly were smart enough to think that way. Unfortunately, envy and jealousy rules, and a easy way out that is, which never comes. Thanks for the interesting read. :-)
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Curly Girly
This is riveting reading!
You wrote:
Jerome didn't know who would strike first. He did know when it started; it wouldn't be quick or painless.
Suggest:
Jerome didn't know who would strike first; and when they did, it wouldn't be quick or painless.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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This is riveting reading!
You wrote:
Jerome didn't know who would strike first. He did know when it started; it wouldn't be quick or painless.
Suggest:
Jerome didn't know who would strike first; and when they did, it wouldn't be quick or painless.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much. I glad you found the tale riveting. Good suggestion.
Comment from lindalcreel
You did a terrific job with this ending, doing exactly what the writing prompt suggested, leaving the readers shaking their head and asking what happened. I hope you do well in the contest. This is a great entry.
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You did a terrific job with this ending, doing exactly what the writing prompt suggested, leaving the readers shaking their head and asking what happened. I hope you do well in the contest. This is a great entry.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
Comment from pbroussard209
I certainly hope you plan to finish, I would like to see what happens next. lol. this was a great beginning or middle of a story, and I feel a whole book could be written around it.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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I certainly hope you plan to finish, I would like to see what happens next. lol. this was a great beginning or middle of a story, and I feel a whole book could be written around it.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much. I think I will write more and see just where things 'could' in an alternate future kind of way.
Comment from chasennov
Chapter one: Jerome "Race War" This is usually the very nasty stuff, generated by hooligans. Illiterate kids who get so bored they go and find trouble lurking around every corner. Well done.
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Chapter one: Jerome "Race War" This is usually the very nasty stuff, generated by hooligans. Illiterate kids who get so bored they go and find trouble lurking around every corner. Well done.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
Comment from joann r romei
This was interesting, and an age old problem, it does make the reader want to know what will happen next, no errors noted, good luck in the contest
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This was interesting, and an age old problem, it does make the reader want to know what will happen next, no errors noted, good luck in the contest
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
Comment from Nosha17
Excellent story, I wish there were more people who could think more clearly, and say it like it is and tell it like you do. I hope there is going to be more of this story. Maybe, if people can disguise their social commentary in the form of fictional satire, the message would reach home. I dread to imagine the outcome if the voice of reason had not stepped int. Enjoyable read. Faye
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Excellent story, I wish there were more people who could think more clearly, and say it like it is and tell it like you do. I hope there is going to be more of this story. Maybe, if people can disguise their social commentary in the form of fictional satire, the message would reach home. I dread to imagine the outcome if the voice of reason had not stepped int. Enjoyable read. Faye
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, lancellot, you did an excellent job writing this story about the young boy who was attacked for his smarts and saved by another who thought his smarts could be put to use. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
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this is an excellent write, lancellot, you did an excellent job writing this story about the young boy who was attacked for his smarts and saved by another who thought his smarts could be put to use. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
Comment from Cian Mateo
Considering the geographic location and general neighborhood where this story originates; not the "to be continued" ending I expected.
The growing drama and unexpected twist held my attention. Obviously the "deep voice of command" expresses a higher wisdom unbeknown to these young thugs. It leaves me wanting to know more about this particular character; who he is, and where he comes from.
I hope Jerome follows through and connects with the Asian girl. And someday, he breaks his own vow; never to return to this neighborhood.
This is a great intro to the "What's the Rest of the Story"
prompt. I look forward to finding out.
Cian
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Considering the geographic location and general neighborhood where this story originates; not the "to be continued" ending I expected.
The growing drama and unexpected twist held my attention. Obviously the "deep voice of command" expresses a higher wisdom unbeknown to these young thugs. It leaves me wanting to know more about this particular character; who he is, and where he comes from.
I hope Jerome follows through and connects with the Asian girl. And someday, he breaks his own vow; never to return to this neighborhood.
This is a great intro to the "What's the Rest of the Story"
prompt. I look forward to finding out.
Cian
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
