What if...?
Chain rhyme66 total reviews
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi Steve,
Beautiful photo of the fork in the road.
'What if,' indeed, we'll never know. Although, it is common nature to ponder what could have been - but wasn't.
Nicely done. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*<*)
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Hi Steve,
Beautiful photo of the fork in the road.
'What if,' indeed, we'll never know. Although, it is common nature to ponder what could have been - but wasn't.
Nicely done. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*<*)
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Jax!
Steve
Comment from ravenblack
Excellent chain rhyme and excellent tribute/riff on Frost's The Road Not Taken". It would make a great contest prompt- take a famous poet's poem and make it your own while carrying the same message.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Excellent chain rhyme and excellent tribute/riff on Frost's The Road Not Taken". It would make a great contest prompt- take a famous poet's poem and make it your own while carrying the same message.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thanks, RB
Yeah, I reckon I would be a pretty good imitator.
Steve
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This is a very good entry for the contest, "What if I'd gone the other way?" A good question that we all ask ourselves. What if? Your sixth line has only made me pause. Well done. Good luck in the contest. Nancy
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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This is a very good entry for the contest, "What if I'd gone the other way?" A good question that we all ask ourselves. What if? Your sixth line has only made me pause. Well done. Good luck in the contest. Nancy
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Nancy.
Here's a thought to come out of this: what if I had started writing poems at 20 instead of 60?!
Steve
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Me too!LOL
Comment from krys123
Steve;
a very well composed chain rhyming piece of poetry That I enjoyed both technically and as a dramatic piece of poetry.
Technically you're rhyming neither forced or labored helped with your rhythmic flow while your rhythm flowed so smoothly throughout your writing. Your rhyming was very distinct and each word chosen for your rhyming was well and most adequately helpful in understanding and complementing your concept and ideas.
The imagery was very descriptive and simultaneously expresses throughout: "But somber, too, some patents I wend; from light to darkness they extend, for beauty has its price to pay, as now my journey nears its end." A very contemplative thought process of a man knowing that he's growing older in nearing the end of his life.
Good luck in the contest for this is an exceptional entry and May the good Lord be with you always Steve.
Alex
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Steve;
a very well composed chain rhyming piece of poetry That I enjoyed both technically and as a dramatic piece of poetry.
Technically you're rhyming neither forced or labored helped with your rhythmic flow while your rhythm flowed so smoothly throughout your writing. Your rhyming was very distinct and each word chosen for your rhyming was well and most adequately helpful in understanding and complementing your concept and ideas.
The imagery was very descriptive and simultaneously expresses throughout: "But somber, too, some patents I wend; from light to darkness they extend, for beauty has its price to pay, as now my journey nears its end." A very contemplative thought process of a man knowing that he's growing older in nearing the end of his life.
Good luck in the contest for this is an exceptional entry and May the good Lord be with you always Steve.
Alex
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Alex - I'm glad you enjoyed this piece.
Steve
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You are so sincerely welcome Steve
Alex
Comment from livelylinda
Steve: it rhymes and I suppose you are a serious writer; aren't most of us here? So, you have met the requirements for the contest. It is a nicely written poem but I felt the "road less traveled" theme is rather worn out and 'what ifs' too cliche'. I've seen better from you, my writing friend. livelylinda (and, no, I didn't enter this contest)
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reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Steve: it rhymes and I suppose you are a serious writer; aren't most of us here? So, you have met the requirements for the contest. It is a nicely written poem but I felt the "road less traveled" theme is rather worn out and 'what ifs' too cliche'. I've seen better from you, my writing friend. livelylinda (and, no, I didn't enter this contest)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Linda. Perhaps you are the one who can see that the Emperor has no clothes!
I wouldn't say this was my best ever and perhaps the theme is well-worn, but the idea of using the rhyme and meter of one Frost poem and fill it full of allusions to another of his famous pieces was too tempting, and I've obviously managed to foll enough people to sneak a win.
Better and more original stuff coming soon - I promise.
Steve
Comment from Nosha17
Interesting reflection on what might have been you had chosen another path. Well chosen rhymes and imagery to convey your thoughts. I understand you are using slightly archaic language to interpret the theme of the contest, but 'some paths I wend' didn't sound right; so I looked up 'wend', and it says it can only be used in the expression wend one's way (I wend my way etc.) It is your prerogative, but just thought I'd mention it. Good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Interesting reflection on what might have been you had chosen another path. Well chosen rhymes and imagery to convey your thoughts. I understand you are using slightly archaic language to interpret the theme of the contest, but 'some paths I wend' didn't sound right; so I looked up 'wend', and it says it can only be used in the expression wend one's way (I wend my way etc.) It is your prerogative, but just thought I'd mention it. Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Faye, thanks for the thoughtful review and for sharing your thoughts about 'wend' - I have taken them on board, although it seems to me that if you can wend your way, then you should be able to wend a path as well...
Too late now - I won the contest anyway! :O)
Steve
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Congratulations, maybe I brought you good luck! I think archaic language (I studied Old High German and Middle High German at University)does not change with the passage of time so it is only used in a certain expression. The word wend comes from the Old Saxon. This reference gives a very good explanation-Dictionary.com- to proceed on, Old English wendan-to turn, direct, go; -cognates: Old Saxon wendian, German wenden, to turn, surviving only in to wend one's way, and in hijacked past tense form went. Thought you might like a linguistic lesson this morning. I enjoyed it, anyway. Well done on the win. Faye
Comment from c_lucas
As long as you reach your goal, it doesn't matter how long you take. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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As long as you reach your goal, it doesn't matter how long you take. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
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You're welcome, Steve. Charlie
Comment from Drew Delaney
This is lovely, Steve. It reminds me very much of one of my favourite poems written by a grand master of poetry. The Road Less Travelled I think the author was Robert Frost. Anyway, very nice indeed.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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This is lovely, Steve. It reminds me very much of one of my favourite poems written by a grand master of poetry. The Road Less Travelled I think the author was Robert Frost. Anyway, very nice indeed.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Drew.
Yes, that was partly the point - the contest asked us to use one of Frost's poems 'Stopping by Woods' as a model of rhyme and meter, so I deliberately chose to echo that other famous poem...
Steve
Comment from Just2Write
An excellent chain rhyme, Steve - You create a perfect mood, so similar to that of Robert Frost in its pensiveness - and yet your poem was tribute to another excellent poem of his: 'The Road Not Taken' and takes us back to the road he had chosen not to take the first time 'round.
I liked the touch of humour on the last line. A twist of irony perhaps.
Your rhyme words were perfect and so it your meter.
Great enjambment on:
a myriad of treasures, for
delight awaits around each bend
An excellent submission, Steve.
Rose
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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An excellent chain rhyme, Steve - You create a perfect mood, so similar to that of Robert Frost in its pensiveness - and yet your poem was tribute to another excellent poem of his: 'The Road Not Taken' and takes us back to the road he had chosen not to take the first time 'round.
I liked the touch of humour on the last line. A twist of irony perhaps.
Your rhyme words were perfect and so it your meter.
Great enjambment on:
a myriad of treasures, for
delight awaits around each bend
An excellent submission, Steve.
Rose
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Rose
I wasn't too sure about this one - hard to hit the perfect note as Frost does...
Must have done something right though - the voters liked it!
Steve
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Indeed they did - Congratulations on your WIN. You and Brooke were neck and neck the whole way. I'm proud of you. Rose.
Comment from chasennov
Chain rhyme "What if...?" This is an excellent chain rhyme you have created here, and well put. It has a good structure to the formulation. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Chain rhyme "What if...?" This is an excellent chain rhyme you have created here, and well put. It has a good structure to the formulation. Well done.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
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You are most welcome, Steve.
