Of Kings and Queens
What awaits you there?80 total reviews
Comment from DR DIP
Beautifully written Deano. I love double rhyme line poetry.
Can I be as bold as to suggest just a couple of things for PERFECT double rhyme?
in the first verse:
Beyond the realms of kings and queens, there lies dark lands beneath the gleam.
I bid thee now come there with me, to see what wondrous sights there be.
consider:
Beyond the realms of kings and queens, there lies dark lands beneath the scenes
I bid thee now come there with me, to see what wondrous sights there be.
In the verse:
In darkness lurks few luminous things, muse minions murmur, arch angels sing;
consider:
In darkness lurks few luminous things, muse minions murmur, arch angel sings;
in the verse:
Have you seen enough while there, dear one, to formulate one thought unsung,
consider:
Have you seen enough while there, dear young, to formulate one thought unsung,
OR
Have you seen enough while there, dear one, to formulate one thought undone,
in the verse:
Words soon bow to hierarchy's whim; mortal flesh succumbs to death and sin.
consider:
Words soon bow to hierarchy's whim; mortal flesh succumbs to death so grim
hey just a suggestion for perfect rhyme in the scheme of things i suppose it doesn't matter if proximate rhyme is used as phnetically it sounds ok anyway take it or leave it
as always, dip
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Beautifully written Deano. I love double rhyme line poetry.
Can I be as bold as to suggest just a couple of things for PERFECT double rhyme?
in the first verse:
Beyond the realms of kings and queens, there lies dark lands beneath the gleam.
I bid thee now come there with me, to see what wondrous sights there be.
consider:
Beyond the realms of kings and queens, there lies dark lands beneath the scenes
I bid thee now come there with me, to see what wondrous sights there be.
In the verse:
In darkness lurks few luminous things, muse minions murmur, arch angels sing;
consider:
In darkness lurks few luminous things, muse minions murmur, arch angel sings;
in the verse:
Have you seen enough while there, dear one, to formulate one thought unsung,
consider:
Have you seen enough while there, dear young, to formulate one thought unsung,
OR
Have you seen enough while there, dear one, to formulate one thought undone,
in the verse:
Words soon bow to hierarchy's whim; mortal flesh succumbs to death and sin.
consider:
Words soon bow to hierarchy's whim; mortal flesh succumbs to death so grim
hey just a suggestion for perfect rhyme in the scheme of things i suppose it doesn't matter if proximate rhyme is used as phnetically it sounds ok anyway take it or leave it
as always, dip
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from royowen
an outstanding poem Dean, though it would be nice to see one favouring the victorious side occasionally. There's no denying your talent, the versatility you show is extaordinary, this is composed beautifully, the literary language is great, it works well rhythmically without a rhyme scheme. Really well written, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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an outstanding poem Dean, though it would be nice to see one favouring the victorious side occasionally. There's no denying your talent, the versatility you show is extaordinary, this is composed beautifully, the literary language is great, it works well rhythmically without a rhyme scheme. Really well written, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Roy. As always, I appreciate your comments. :}
Comment from Lulube
Can't say I've ever wanted to take that particular pathway just to see what I could see. No, that's one I think I had a firm no to. lol but I went with you today through this poemly journey. I have to ask - Is there a demented picture site somewhere, where you get all your pictures from? lol
The royal king or was it the queen, dressed in sparkles?
good work Dean
lulube
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Can't say I've ever wanted to take that particular pathway just to see what I could see. No, that's one I think I had a firm no to. lol but I went with you today through this poemly journey. I have to ask - Is there a demented picture site somewhere, where you get all your pictures from? lol
The royal king or was it the queen, dressed in sparkles?
good work Dean
lulube
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Thanks so much, Lulube. I appreciate you comments. :}
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welcome Dean
lulube
Comment from Eric1
Wow, wow, wow! That my friend, is poetry at it's best, it is drama in rhyme, the story unfolds wonderfully with exquisite use of the English language, there is a lot of excellent alliteration, unbelievable rhyming at times, a great rhythm and beat to it, annd the whole thing flows like a dream, no wonder that you are in thetop five my friend.
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Wow, wow, wow! That my friend, is poetry at it's best, it is drama in rhyme, the story unfolds wonderfully with exquisite use of the English language, there is a lot of excellent alliteration, unbelievable rhyming at times, a great rhythm and beat to it, annd the whole thing flows like a dream, no wonder that you are in thetop five my friend.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi Dean,
Hmmmm, talk about 'strange bedfellows!' Holy-Moly. Lookin' a little rough around the edges, my friend.
I was expecting something to jump out at me at the end that was lingering in the darkness. LOL
Creepy but fun read.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*<*)
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Hi Dean,
Hmmmm, talk about 'strange bedfellows!' Holy-Moly. Lookin' a little rough around the edges, my friend.
I was expecting something to jump out at me at the end that was lingering in the darkness. LOL
Creepy but fun read.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*<*)
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Jax. I appreciate your comments. :}
Comment from Jay Squires
Lovely, Dean ... Just lovely -- one hour before retiring.
I pasted the poem in my text reader and got a different perspective from hearing it read to me.
And ... as a bonus you taught me a new word: belletristic.
The lines I'll take away with me:
The moon could ne'er shine so brightly, whilst Luna looms above us nightly,
bewitching all mankind to feel that life can oft times feel surreal.
Thanks for posting.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Lovely, Dean ... Just lovely -- one hour before retiring.
I pasted the poem in my text reader and got a different perspective from hearing it read to me.
And ... as a bonus you taught me a new word: belletristic.
The lines I'll take away with me:
The moon could ne'er shine so brightly, whilst Luna looms above us nightly,
bewitching all mankind to feel that life can oft times feel surreal.
Thanks for posting.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Thanks, jay, and as always, I appreciate your thoughtful review. :}
Comment from padumachitta
Hi Dean. My firt read of a new week, my first n e w six.
In fact my first poem of my birthday year. It feels oddly fitting:-) I was happy to see your name and wondered what the first read of this year would bring.padumachitta
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Hi Dean. My firt read of a new week, my first n e w six.
In fact my first poem of my birthday year. It feels oddly fitting:-) I was happy to see your name and wondered what the first read of this year would bring.padumachitta
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from camilla61wsw
Bravo! In order to review, I'm going stanza by stanza. In the first, you are inviting another to see the dark lands and I love your line, "Without the darkness none would see a heavenly show put on for free" and how without that darkness, we wouldn't see the stars.
In the second stanza, the Luna "looms" and the feeling of darkness becomes more intense and more frightening. By the third stanza the reader feels the oppression of the darkness as you wrote, "Where guardians of ancient lore write sonnets there, but long for more." As I was reading I momentarily feel some empathy for the guardians and then "(they)rip weary souls from hearts of men."
The reader is completely pulled into this poem in the fourth stanza where there is a feeling of imprisonment without hope.
I do like the fifth stanza which continues the story with the writer telling us of his good intentions. The sixth stanza, to me, completes the circle as the writer will stay and I think has accepted the imprisonment.
I will definitely read more of your work! Well done!
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Bravo! In order to review, I'm going stanza by stanza. In the first, you are inviting another to see the dark lands and I love your line, "Without the darkness none would see a heavenly show put on for free" and how without that darkness, we wouldn't see the stars.
In the second stanza, the Luna "looms" and the feeling of darkness becomes more intense and more frightening. By the third stanza the reader feels the oppression of the darkness as you wrote, "Where guardians of ancient lore write sonnets there, but long for more." As I was reading I momentarily feel some empathy for the guardians and then "(they)rip weary souls from hearts of men."
The reader is completely pulled into this poem in the fourth stanza where there is a feeling of imprisonment without hope.
I do like the fifth stanza which continues the story with the writer telling us of his good intentions. The sixth stanza, to me, completes the circle as the writer will stay and I think has accepted the imprisonment.
I will definitely read more of your work! Well done!
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Thanks so much for the in depth breakdown and wonderful review, Camilla. I sincerely appreciate it.
~Dean
Comment from Jackreese
I Loved this with the eerie music and spooky photos. The words rhymed and told I story I didn't get lost in. This was very well done.
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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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I Loved this with the eerie music and spooky photos. The words rhymed and told I story I didn't get lost in. This was very well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Thanks a bunch, Jack. I appreciate your kind comments immensely.
~Dean
Comment from Pyrrho
There is too much here to absorb in a single reading. In fact, I suspect five or six readings will not suffice. But I do thank you for Belletristic. It is a new and valuable word/concept for me, though it seems you called it up and then negated it in the following lines.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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There is too much here to absorb in a single reading. In fact, I suspect five or six readings will not suffice. But I do thank you for Belletristic. It is a new and valuable word/concept for me, though it seems you called it up and then negated it in the following lines.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Pyrrho, and as always I appreciate your thoughtful review and intelligent feedback.
The word was meant to convey a paradox of sorts, as many try and tell me that I shouldn't write dark, depressing poetry, but light and airy "fluff" instead. There is beauty in both darkness and light, I feel. Only in darkness, one has to look much more closely and carefully to see it.
Thanks so much again.
