Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

Reminds me of one of my blind dates. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very thought provoking reads.

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Exceptional

AAAhhh you never cease to amaze. I read this to my family and tried to put the right squeal into it and all they asked is 'is this the kind of people you hang with?'. well I am honored to hang with you

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014

Comment from Wendyanne

Exceptional

Wow what an amazing piece of poetry Dean. Your use of alliteration and extremely vivid imagery is superb!! For example,"you'll wander evermore, entombed within the bowels of lore." Perfect artwork for this dark poem.

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014

Comment from GWHARGIS

Excellent

Very cool. I liked the formality of the piece , as if a now dead and wandering soul of a king was telling and warning us of enjoying our whimms without considering whether it is right or wrong. Good and scary, but not in the way I expected.

Gretchen

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014

You got it, Gretchen, right on the money. Now, that wasn't too hard to figure out, was it?

Thanks for the excellent interpretation and wonderful review. :)

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is an excellent write, dean, excellent imagery presented in the quatrains, the rhymes were wonderful, the pictures spooky, the words were haunting. I enjoyed reading it

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014

Thanks, sweetwoodjax. I appreciate it. :}

Comment from Louise Michelle

Excellent

Hi Dean, You have really created a dark mood for me on this cloudy Sunday morning. Good usage of alliteration and powerful words to compliment the music. Hugs, Lou

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014

Thanks, Lou. I appreciate it. :)

Comment from Domino 2

Excellent

I think the King or Queen in the FABULOUS artwork may have seen better days, Deano, though even the over-privileged can look good when adorned with jewels.

With respect, maybe consider subbing the repeated, see' in line 3 with something like, 'sense'.

Maybe delete 'so' in line 5 for better meter.

Terrific alliteration in line 7.

''tis when we encounter them we'll know, if they be feral friend or foe' - 'encounter' throws the 'beat', so maybe:

'and when we find them, we shall know...'

'Still nothing - not one man nor beast - can deny them their belletristic feast' - also reads a bit jumpy.

Simple fix - just delete 'them'.

The line, 'In darkness lurks...' isn't very smooth either. Perhaps:

'In darkness lurks few shiny things, muse minions rise as angels sing'

Next line, maybe:

'twas not my guilt...'

Excellent use of 'silent' syllables in lines to mostly retain meter in this TERRIFIC read.

Loved it, Deano.

Best wishes, Ray.

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014

Thanks so much, Ray, and I made some changes. Believe it or not, I was falling asleep as I wrote this. I kept nodding off between stanzas, LOL. It probably shows...

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

excellent alliteration in phrases such as feeble fickle fates and ghostly gloom
lurk/succumb to death/entombed within the bowels - terrific choice of words and phrases to go with that music and the illustrations to create a dark and dramatic mood :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014

Thanks, Brooke. Much appreciated. :}

~Dean

Comment from krys123

Excellent

Dean;
Very effective music but I found it distracting after while animated difficult to meet at grasp and understand your writing so I had to read it more than once. I would suggest the next time to only put out this music, for only a short while maybe do first two verses and then just lingering in the background a lot less or not at all.
IMAGERY! imagery! imagery! so remarkably descriptive and exceptionally expressive throughout this writing.
*Fermina began to find just one piece without giving respect to others: "In darkness lurks few luminous things, muse minions murmmur ( great alliteration), arch angels sing;". Also out your rating was this wonderful imagery in your picture most impressive and very complementary to your writing.
Your rhyming helped With your rhythmic flow as you rhythm flows so beautifully throughout your writing.
Thank you so much for sharing and posting and laid the good Lord be with you always Dean.
You always seem to impress me with your writing which is so extensively thought out with imagination that is so ingeniously creative and wonderfully inventive.
Thank you for hearing and posting this for everyone to read and may the good Lord be with you always Dean.
Alex

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014

Thanks, Alex, I really appreciate the thoughtful comments.

The music has been eliminated per your request.

"Ask, and we shall receive."

~Dean :}

reply by krys123 on 14-Sep-2014

Dean, I thought the music was okay, just a little loud And too long. You are so sincerely welcome for my review and it is always my pleasure Dean.
Alex

reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014

Well, I had my doubts about the music initially. You just helped me make up my mind is all. :)

Comment from kiwijenny

Exceptional

Ah the blessings of insomnia when such poetry is achieved...the royalty kind....ooo that s the best kind...the poem that gets royalties ...Dean you could be mowing your lawn...chink a book is bought...sigh . This is my thought...Dean just write a poem in the hotel California genre..
God bless..sorry this review is such a mess.. I must get more sleep

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014