Of Kings and Queens
What awaits you there?80 total reviews
Comment from daeneam
This poem is really scary, my friend! I guess, every human has darkness in them, anger, jealousy, indifference. But I guess, I am more afraid of light than darkness. Darkness hides the deepest secrets while the light exposes it all. We will never be able to escape light.
Have a nice week, dear and always take care. God bless... c", mae
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This poem is really scary, my friend! I guess, every human has darkness in them, anger, jealousy, indifference. But I guess, I am more afraid of light than darkness. Darkness hides the deepest secrets while the light exposes it all. We will never be able to escape light.
Have a nice week, dear and always take care. God bless... c", mae
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from boxergirl
Lots of gloom and doom with this one Dean. You have done another masterful job with your writing. It is full of alliterations and descriptive imagery that help keep the reader engaged. 8-)
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Lots of gloom and doom with this one Dean. You have done another masterful job with your writing. It is full of alliterations and descriptive imagery that help keep the reader engaged. 8-)
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from Acquired Taste
Dean, you continue to write better and better (or, I'm just getting older.) The combination of your words with the artwork is superb. (Can I have that raise now?)
I found myself quietly being drawn along, not rushing to get through, but enjoying a terrific journey. Really outstanding in my book. (ps, send the check tomorrow)
Great work...Jean
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Dean, you continue to write better and better (or, I'm just getting older.) The combination of your words with the artwork is superb. (Can I have that raise now?)
I found myself quietly being drawn along, not rushing to get through, but enjoying a terrific journey. Really outstanding in my book. (ps, send the check tomorrow)
Great work...Jean
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from w.j.debi
Looks like kings and queens don't end up any better off than the rest of us.
Nice job with rhyming the middle of each line with the end of the same line. Excellent formatting and presentation. You have a nice smooth flow to your verse. I think your poetry just keeps getting better.
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Looks like kings and queens don't end up any better off than the rest of us.
Nice job with rhyming the middle of each line with the end of the same line. Excellent formatting and presentation. You have a nice smooth flow to your verse. I think your poetry just keeps getting better.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from Writingfundimension
'...Without the darkness none would see a heavenly show put on for free
Of twinkling stars, whose brilliant light, will only show their glow by night...'
I find the spiritual message behind these words quite stunning, Dean. I've heard it said that without darkness we'd never recognize light.
Great rhymes, though I am woefully inadequate to comment on the mechanics of such poems.
:) Bev
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'...Without the darkness none would see a heavenly show put on for free
Of twinkling stars, whose brilliant light, will only show their glow by night...'
I find the spiritual message behind these words quite stunning, Dean. I've heard it said that without darkness we'd never recognize light.
Great rhymes, though I am woefully inadequate to comment on the mechanics of such poems.
:) Bev
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from Ric Myworld
Thanks for the pleasure of another of your outstanding poems that makes me wonder if its pretend or real. As I tiptoe up the creaky stairs at night, I run to cover my head in fright. Great job. :-)
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Thanks for the pleasure of another of your outstanding poems that makes me wonder if its pretend or real. As I tiptoe up the creaky stairs at night, I run to cover my head in fright. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Dean
As usual, terrific presentation. There's no dreaming here, no nightmares. This poor soul is wide awake, experiencing ghosts of kings in studded jewels. How awful!
Busy writing as darkness swims overhead, witching hour passes unnoticed. Evil lurks in every shadow. "Pleasant Screams" indeed!
I would have given six stars for this easily if the meter was in check. But I think you gave it over for Gothic language.
I do have a few suggestions for you,
"Beyond the realms of kings and queens, there lies dark lands beneath the gleam."
(Beyond the realms of kings and queens, dark lands lie neath dwindling gleam.)
"I bid thee now come there with me, to see what wondrous sights there be."
(I bid thee now to follow me, to see what wondrous sights there be.) ...to avoid using "there" twice.
"The moon could ne'er shine as brightly, whilst Luna looms above us nightly"
(The moon could never shine so bright whilst Luna looms above the night.)
"And, should we trek towards ghostly gloom"
(And, should we trek to ghostly gloom)
"it's there we find them that we know"
(it's there we find those that we know)
"Still nothing - not man nor beast - will deny them their belletristic feast"
(Still nothing - not a man nor beast - denies their belletristic feast)
"whilst words of preposterous truths they pen rip weary souls from hearts of men."
(preposterous words of truth they pen rip weary souls from hearts of men.)
"You may enter, but never leave, bemoan your life, seek to bequeath"
(You may indulge, but never leave, bemoan your life, seek to bequeath)
"Darkness hides few lucid things, mired minions moan, lone angel sings"
(Darkness hides few lucid things, minions moan, lone angel sings)
"'twas not my intent by words to boast, yet they have surely touched me most."
(not my intent by words to boast, yet surely they have touched me most.)...also avoids two sentences beginning with "twas"
"Words soon bow to hierarchy's whim; mortal flesh succumbs to death and sin."
(Words soon bow to power's whim; mortal flesh succumbs to sin.)
"Have you seen enough while there, dear one, to formulate one thought unsung"
(Have you seen enough, dear one, to formulate one thought unsung)
"denying darker inhibitions; finding no fault with these exhibitions?"
(denying darker inhibitions; fleeing further premonitions)
I hope even one of my suggestions might ring true for you, Dean. We are drawn to the underworld, aren't we? You would think the reality of beheadings in Iraq would be scary enough! How we love to be scared out of our wits!
Only you can create such an atmosphere.
Well done!
cheers
Kimbob
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Hi Dean
As usual, terrific presentation. There's no dreaming here, no nightmares. This poor soul is wide awake, experiencing ghosts of kings in studded jewels. How awful!
Busy writing as darkness swims overhead, witching hour passes unnoticed. Evil lurks in every shadow. "Pleasant Screams" indeed!
I would have given six stars for this easily if the meter was in check. But I think you gave it over for Gothic language.
I do have a few suggestions for you,
"Beyond the realms of kings and queens, there lies dark lands beneath the gleam."
(Beyond the realms of kings and queens, dark lands lie neath dwindling gleam.)
"I bid thee now come there with me, to see what wondrous sights there be."
(I bid thee now to follow me, to see what wondrous sights there be.) ...to avoid using "there" twice.
"The moon could ne'er shine as brightly, whilst Luna looms above us nightly"
(The moon could never shine so bright whilst Luna looms above the night.)
"And, should we trek towards ghostly gloom"
(And, should we trek to ghostly gloom)
"it's there we find them that we know"
(it's there we find those that we know)
"Still nothing - not man nor beast - will deny them their belletristic feast"
(Still nothing - not a man nor beast - denies their belletristic feast)
"whilst words of preposterous truths they pen rip weary souls from hearts of men."
(preposterous words of truth they pen rip weary souls from hearts of men.)
"You may enter, but never leave, bemoan your life, seek to bequeath"
(You may indulge, but never leave, bemoan your life, seek to bequeath)
"Darkness hides few lucid things, mired minions moan, lone angel sings"
(Darkness hides few lucid things, minions moan, lone angel sings)
"'twas not my intent by words to boast, yet they have surely touched me most."
(not my intent by words to boast, yet surely they have touched me most.)...also avoids two sentences beginning with "twas"
"Words soon bow to hierarchy's whim; mortal flesh succumbs to death and sin."
(Words soon bow to power's whim; mortal flesh succumbs to sin.)
"Have you seen enough while there, dear one, to formulate one thought unsung"
(Have you seen enough, dear one, to formulate one thought unsung)
"denying darker inhibitions; finding no fault with these exhibitions?"
(denying darker inhibitions; fleeing further premonitions)
I hope even one of my suggestions might ring true for you, Dean. We are drawn to the underworld, aren't we? You would think the reality of beheadings in Iraq would be scary enough! How we love to be scared out of our wits!
Only you can create such an atmosphere.
Well done!
cheers
Kimbob
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from amahra
Darkness hides few lucid things, mired minions moan, lone angel sings; [good line] I really read this poem and couldn't find one beat out of sync. You're a good poet and story writer. Never tire of your talent.
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Darkness hides few lucid things, mired minions moan, lone angel sings; [good line] I really read this poem and couldn't find one beat out of sync. You're a good poet and story writer. Never tire of your talent.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hi Dean,
I loved this literary playground. There are far many too many wonderful alliterations to list, but my favorite phrase was, "...trek towards ghostly gloom, where ghastly nomad demons loom". That was sweet! Great imagery throughout, with a solid story line put to verse. It was a stirring read!
Hope you're having a nice weekend, Bill
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Hi Dean,
I loved this literary playground. There are far many too many wonderful alliterations to list, but my favorite phrase was, "...trek towards ghostly gloom, where ghastly nomad demons loom". That was sweet! Great imagery throughout, with a solid story line put to verse. It was a stirring read!
Hope you're having a nice weekend, Bill
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from country ranch writer
OF KINGS AND QUEENS YOU TAKE THE WINNERS CIRCLE FOR ALL THE WORLDLY WAYS YOU HAVE PUT INTO YOUR WORKS YOU WAY AS ALWAYS A HINT OF THE MACARB
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OF KINGS AND QUEENS YOU TAKE THE WINNERS CIRCLE FOR ALL THE WORLDLY WAYS YOU HAVE PUT INTO YOUR WORKS YOU WAY AS ALWAYS A HINT OF THE MACARB
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
