Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "An Ancient Embrace: Part Two"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
22 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
The narration of the hunt, the characters having a strong sense of deja vu works well. You might want to research on how Mammoths were hunted. I am pretty sure that in many instances it was the same as Native Americans driving buffalo over a buffalo gap or cliff. I would also suggest that in the synopsis of the previous chapter or in the notes, mention who Vision and Sound are residing in.
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The narration of the hunt, the characters having a strong sense of deja vu works well. You might want to research on how Mammoths were hunted. I am pretty sure that in many instances it was the same as Native Americans driving buffalo over a buffalo gap or cliff. I would also suggest that in the synopsis of the previous chapter or in the notes, mention who Vision and Sound are residing in.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
Comment from Loren (7)
You've got a very interesting concept going here. My only concern, this early on, is the mental acuity of the primitive. They seem very sophisticated in their concept of God, life, spirits, etc. It's not that this is wrong, because they must have been pretty smart to have survived and produced us:) But, to me, it just seems their thinking would be well, more frightened and philosophical in a child-like way. Just my two-cents as I find this concept for a story line fascinating. Loren
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You've got a very interesting concept going here. My only concern, this early on, is the mental acuity of the primitive. They seem very sophisticated in their concept of God, life, spirits, etc. It's not that this is wrong, because they must have been pretty smart to have survived and produced us:) But, to me, it just seems their thinking would be well, more frightened and philosophical in a child-like way. Just my two-cents as I find this concept for a story line fascinating. Loren
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
Comment from Darkhorse555
really mikey very beautifully drawn i am enjoying watching were you are going with this piece most delightful read excellent write dear friend
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really mikey very beautifully drawn i am enjoying watching were you are going with this piece most delightful read excellent write dear friend
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
Comment from CR Delport
If only they could remember what happened in their previous lives, it might have helped and saved lives. Taking on a huge beast like that with nothing better than spears and clubs must've been a daunting task. Well written.
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If only they could remember what happened in their previous lives, it might have helped and saved lives. Taking on a huge beast like that with nothing better than spears and clubs must've been a daunting task. Well written.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
What a downer. It's realistic, but really depressing. Not the kind of story I like to read, but I know you have to make it real, so it's not a criticism... just not for me. :(
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2014
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What a downer. It's realistic, but really depressing. Not the kind of story I like to read, but I know you have to make it real, so it's not a criticism... just not for me. :(
Comment Written 07-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2014
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I feel the same way. But, I had to have the result of similar circumstances have different results this time. There needed to be more to learn than just the simple lesson of a new hunting technique. The little differences in the situations that made this time a failure while the other time was a success are what they need to consider. Just a battle. You know I won't let them lose the war!! mikey
Comment from nordicgirl
Great scenes as the hunt goes awry. Perfect since the same souls were in a situation that was much the same before. A lot to ponder.
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Great scenes as the hunt goes awry. Perfect since the same souls were in a situation that was much the same before. A lot to ponder.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2014
Comment from seaglass
You found some great pictures here. This is when hunting was a bit more fair for the animal, before high-powered guns and scopes. I'm thinking I would be chasing rabbits and squirrels though.
I like your depicting of the mentality. It's common sense to believe they would think of god in plural since they lived in numbers themselves and to live singular was impossible.
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You found some great pictures here. This is when hunting was a bit more fair for the animal, before high-powered guns and scopes. I'm thinking I would be chasing rabbits and squirrels though.
I like your depicting of the mentality. It's common sense to believe they would think of god in plural since they lived in numbers themselves and to live singular was impossible.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2014
Comment from drivenbackward
Fast-paced and engaging chapter. Enjoyed. You're taking on one heck of a project here, but it looks to be going well so far. Nice job.
"There is nothing here for me", she had said. -- Comma inside parenthesis. No need for 'had'
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Fast-paced and engaging chapter. Enjoyed. You're taking on one heck of a project here, but it looks to be going well so far. Nice job.
"There is nothing here for me", she had said. -- Comma inside parenthesis. No need for 'had'
Comment Written 07-Sep-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the story. Experiences from past lives may or may not work. This time it did not. The souls learned from this too. Sometimes live on earth is short. Sometimes it is long. Sometimes success teaches. Other times failure teaches. Great work.
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I love the story. Experiences from past lives may or may not work. This time it did not. The souls learned from this too. Sometimes live on earth is short. Sometimes it is long. Sometimes success teaches. Other times failure teaches. Great work.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2014
Comment from Gargantuan2
Not too difficult to follow so far, but there are a few spots to look at:
them in, all of them
them in, not all of them
There baskets
Their baskets
They shared the anticipation of the inevitable and they shared hunger. They were grateful for the sharing.
They shared in the hunger, the inevitable anticipation and were grateful for it.
hunt centuries earlier and reveled
hunt, centuries earlier, and reveled
joined the all of it.
joined in all of it.
I realize you are trying to get the feel of caveman mentality in the telling, but it still needs formatting here and there. I look forward to the next segment :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Not too difficult to follow so far, but there are a few spots to look at:
them in, all of them
them in, not all of them
There baskets
Their baskets
They shared the anticipation of the inevitable and they shared hunger. They were grateful for the sharing.
They shared in the hunger, the inevitable anticipation and were grateful for it.
hunt centuries earlier and reveled
hunt, centuries earlier, and reveled
joined the all of it.
joined in all of it.
I realize you are trying to get the feel of caveman mentality in the telling, but it still needs formatting here and there. I look forward to the next segment :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2014
