Tanka 5-7-5-7-7 So High
a thought is best examined then responded to as in a Tanka21 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
excellent syllable count for the tanka
excellent use of enjambment to keep thought flowing from line to line
good alliterative grouping of high/heaven/heart
effective imagery of the mountain in expressing your heartfelt emotion
Brooke
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excellent syllable count for the tanka
excellent use of enjambment to keep thought flowing from line to line
good alliterative grouping of high/heaven/heart
effective imagery of the mountain in expressing your heartfelt emotion
Brooke
Comment Written 03-Sep-2014
Comment from onebrit
I am so sorry for your loss. It follows from that note that you still miss him terribly and want to know why, where and how. Time never healed anything and sorrow is always present. You are seeking answers, so beautifully written. Keep the faith.
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I am so sorry for your loss. It follows from that note that you still miss him terribly and want to know why, where and how. Time never healed anything and sorrow is always present. You are seeking answers, so beautifully written. Keep the faith.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2014
Comment from krys123
LoannaLois;
A very powerful and inspirational along with being enlightening piece of poetry that is truly welcome post and quite touching to the soul.
Every piece of your tanka's requirements are actually done very well. In your composition is very sound and a great tribute or laudation to your husband.
Thank you very much for sharing and posting this and may the good Lord be with you and him always.
Alex
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LoannaLois;
A very powerful and inspirational along with being enlightening piece of poetry that is truly welcome post and quite touching to the soul.
Every piece of your tanka's requirements are actually done very well. In your composition is very sound and a great tribute or laudation to your husband.
Thank you very much for sharing and posting this and may the good Lord be with you and him always.
Alex
Comment Written 03-Sep-2014
Comment from flamingstar
wow, I haven't seen one of these before. I thought it was touching and eloquent. Someday you will be beyond that which is beyond! And he'll be right there with you.
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wow, I haven't seen one of these before. I thought it was touching and eloquent. Someday you will be beyond that which is beyond! And he'll be right there with you.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
Comment from kiwijenny
This is a sad poem......forty two years is such a long time. My heart goes out to you......God bless and comfort you Lo
This is such a sweet upward poem.....
Hugs and Hugs
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This is a sad poem......forty two years is such a long time. My heart goes out to you......God bless and comfort you Lo
This is such a sweet upward poem.....
Hugs and Hugs
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
Comment from GracieAnn
LL, this is a moving tanka that is perfect in line and syllable count and has to do with human nature. It is a high tanka with the longer approach. The emotions depicted are universal in scope and moves the reader. Well done. :0 GracieAnn
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LL, this is a moving tanka that is perfect in line and syllable count and has to do with human nature. It is a high tanka with the longer approach. The emotions depicted are universal in scope and moves the reader. Well done. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
Comment from BCScot
A wonderful piece that reaches out to anyone whose lost someone close to them. I liked the comparison to the mountains that seem to touch the sky. I am sorry for your loss.
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A wonderful piece that reaches out to anyone whose lost someone close to them. I liked the comparison to the mountains that seem to touch the sky. I am sorry for your loss.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
Comment from Jackarrie
Hi Loanna, this is a very Sad naani, but you have written it from your own perspective. No doubt sad and happy memories.
I do believe you are a strong person, and can endure.
Well written
Mary
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Hi Loanna, this is a very Sad naani, but you have written it from your own perspective. No doubt sad and happy memories.
I do believe you are a strong person, and can endure.
Well written
Mary
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
Comment from zanya
What A beautiful dedication to a dearly departed husband - i empathise with you having lost my own dearly beloved husband also 5 years ago.....and yes 'so many tears'.
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What A beautiful dedication to a dearly departed husband - i empathise with you having lost my own dearly beloved husband also 5 years ago.....and yes 'so many tears'.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I like the way you added the author notes. They make the poem even more meaningful. I understand the reason for your poem, and for that I am truly sorry. I see no changed needed. I like the high mountain, the sun coming up, It gives me hope that the individual in the poem is in heaven. It gives me hope that the author feels the hope also. Good job and good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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I like the way you added the author notes. They make the poem even more meaningful. I understand the reason for your poem, and for that I am truly sorry. I see no changed needed. I like the high mountain, the sun coming up, It gives me hope that the individual in the poem is in heaven. It gives me hope that the author feels the hope also. Good job and good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
