Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent

I like the haiku, especially the satori line, but I find ' desert' at odds with the rest of it. I just can't imagine a turtle in the desert. Nevertheless, it's a well-written haiku and I wish you the best for the competition.

 Comment Written 02-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014

I didn't say it was a turtle, although people keep calling it that. I said it was a tortoise. They're related, but tortoises live in deserts and turtles live in water. Thanks for reading, giddy.

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

Nice alliteration in your second line. Clear, vivid image of a tortoise attempting to shield itself from an impending storm. Good interconnection between lines one and two. And even though the contest rules stated it was okay, you used no personification, which is always a good think where haiku poetry is concerned. You also stayed with the more traditional 5/7/5 syllable count, which is also a good think, I feel.

Well done. I hope you do well in your contest.

 Comment Written 02-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014

Thanks, Dean. I appreciate the review.

reply by Dean Kuch on 02-Sep-2014

You're welcome.

Comment from Pili Pubul

Excellent

In few words you created a perfect image of the amazing turtle
safe in the worst weather, it is amazing. Nature did a great job there.
Good luck in the contest . Pili

 Comment Written 02-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014

Thanks, Pili. I'm going to need it.

reply by Pili Pubul on 02-Sep-2014

Is a great one... You welcome. Pili

Comment from Spitfire

Excellent

Excellent image here. I can see the rain pouring down and the soft head, arms and legs of the tortoise disappear under its natural umbrella. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 02-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014

Thanks, Spitfire

Comment from vapros

Excellent

This should certainly be a competitive entry in the haiku competition noted. No doubt the tortoise, with great patience and lots of protection, will ride out this storm.

v

 Comment Written 01-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014

Thanks, Vapros. My first haiku.

Comment from Dougie

Excellent

I found your imagery to be very strong. I loved the idea of a tortoise she'll being a safe house. You kept to the theme and it was very entertaining. Very nice job.

 Comment Written 01-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014

thanks,Dougie. Appreciate the review.

Comment from skye

Excellent

storm drowns the desert
wise tortoise shelters in shell
nature's own safe house

Tortoise's are strange and self-contained. I love the idea of a safe house in a drowning desert.
Well done.

 Comment Written 01-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014

Thanks, skye.

Comment from BritSoldier

Excellent

storm drowns the desert wise tortoise shelters in shell
nature's own safe house nice job for a short-long-short format

 Comment Written 01-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014

thanks for reading.

Comment from shelley kaye

Excellent

i liked the alliteration of shelter and shell

one suggestion i have is to maybe delete "the" in the first line and add "as" to the beginning of the second line?

storm drowns desert
as wise tortoise shelters in shell
nature's own safe house

just a thought ;-)

thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest :-)

 Comment Written 01-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014

I had it that way, and a couple of reviewers said to take it out. Now I've put it back. Thanks, Shelley.

Comment from TKField

Excellent

You have put finger to keyboard and given birth to this Hi-Coo thingy. It's good. I couldn't help thinking of operation desert storm, which happens every time I see the words desert and storm together. "Shelters in his shell". Not bad, but do tortoises hang out in deserts? I thought they were strictly marine animals, never far from a body of water.
Whatever, the shell is its mobile home indeed.

 Comment Written 01-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014

Nope, that's turtles. Tortoises live in the desert. They're cousins. Thanks for reviewing, TK.