Turncoat!
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Turncoat, Part 7"WW2 One soldier's ordeal at the fall of Berlin
47 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
I'm not so sure what a good idea it was for Schmite to team up with Schutte after watching him kill the young guys. Safety in numbers has always made sense, but not when their is only one woman in the band. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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I'm not so sure what a good idea it was for Schmite to team up with Schutte after watching him kill the young guys. Safety in numbers has always made sense, but not when their is only one woman in the band. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Right now, she's ready to kill them both for excluding her from the "man talk", but yeah. Not a great idea on Hans's part, but of course he figures he can handle himself. Thanks for liking the story.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I like the strong interchange of conversation, the desperation to survive. I like the way you portray the strength of the characters, and the kitten is such an extreme contrast. It will be interesting to see what evolves, Giddy
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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I like the strong interchange of conversation, the desperation to survive. I like the way you portray the strength of the characters, and the kitten is such an extreme contrast. It will be interesting to see what evolves, Giddy
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Hello, Giddy. Both are alpha males, so just about anything could evolve. As always, thanks for reviewing.
Comment from lancellot
Very interesting. I will have to go back and read the other parts. I wouldn't go back to the woman, though, he is bound to get a cold reception. Well done.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Very interesting. I will have to go back and read the other parts. I wouldn't go back to the woman, though, he is bound to get a cold reception. Well done.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Undoubtedly, ha-ha. Thanks for reviewing, Lancellot.
Comment from adewpearl
good use of dialogue to register confrontational emotion
excellent use of non-verbal communication, like the jerk of his head, smirking, face reddening
I like his clever test to determine if the guy is actually a soldier or not
I also like the pact
Brooke
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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good use of dialogue to register confrontational emotion
excellent use of non-verbal communication, like the jerk of his head, smirking, face reddening
I like his clever test to determine if the guy is actually a soldier or not
I also like the pact
Brooke
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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I think I've told you Schutte is Marilyn Callahan's character, on loan to me because we both wanted him to interact with Hans. She says that nobody in her book benefits from meeting him. I told her, "Hans will be the first." We'll see how it goes.
Comment from LIJ Red
You face the same dilemma I do-some say nearly everything constitutes a speech tag. I think your use or nonuse of commas makes sense. Well written.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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You face the same dilemma I do-some say nearly everything constitutes a speech tag. I think your use or nonuse of commas makes sense. Well written.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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The friend who called me on "smirk" may have a point. Thesaurus says, "grin, sneer, snigger, leer, simper." Only sniggering and perhaps simpering involves sound. I can just make it an action tag, a beat. Glad you liked my nonuse of commas. My motto for that is, "when in doubt, leave it out."
Comment from CALLAHANMR
I like where you're taking this. Good give and take between Hans and Schutte. Of course I know what Schutte is, but you're doling a good job making readers wonder. Definitely not someone I'd want on my side. With Schutte there's only one side, his. Bauer and others could tell you about that. Nobody who ever trusted Schutte came out ahead. A couple of tiny nits. At one time you have Schutte smirking words. Another place he raises his eyebrow but says nothing. Isn't the fact that he says nothing sufficient? Overall, good stuff.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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I like where you're taking this. Good give and take between Hans and Schutte. Of course I know what Schutte is, but you're doling a good job making readers wonder. Definitely not someone I'd want on my side. With Schutte there's only one side, his. Bauer and others could tell you about that. Nobody who ever trusted Schutte came out ahead. A couple of tiny nits. At one time you have Schutte smirking words. Another place he raises his eyebrow but says nothing. Isn't the fact that he says nothing sufficient? Overall, good stuff.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Hans will be the first to get something from him. Schutte may give him trouble, but in the end, he'll take Elsa off Hans's back so he can go home to Berlin and Uncle Albrecht. Looked up 'smirk.' I can also mean to sneer. Don't think I used it as a speech tag, but if I did, will fix it. I'll think about the eyebrow thing.
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This is what you have: ?Oh? Did she make this coffee, or did you?? he smirked. It will work if you capitalize He, make it a new sentence.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, nor84, you did an excellent job with this chapter, I like how you showed elsa's backbone and the way hans had to portray himself to her to keep in good with schutte. I enjoyed reading it
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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this is an excellent write, nor84, you did an excellent job with this chapter, I like how you showed elsa's backbone and the way hans had to portray himself to her to keep in good with schutte. I enjoyed reading it
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Yeah, I figured some people would get the male ego thing. Now he has to soften her up, LOL. Thanks, as always, for reviewing.
Comment from c_lucas
Hans has had his share of women, and has special feelings toward Elsa. As usual, this is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Hans has had his share of women, and has special feelings toward Elsa. As usual, this is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Well, he's ambivalent about her. She's hurt him before, and she's not very nice, but he feels duty bound to protect her from the Russians. Thanks, Charlie, as always.
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You're welcome, Norma. Charlie
Comment from CHIGYSISKI
The plot is definitely thickening! A new entry to the team is asking the man to loose the woman. Intriguing. Am glad he stood up for the woman.I would like to knoww how it all ends.Keep writing.Great job.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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The plot is definitely thickening! A new entry to the team is asking the man to loose the woman. Intriguing. Am glad he stood up for the woman.I would like to knoww how it all ends.Keep writing.Great job.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Glad you liked it, and thanks for reviewing.
Comment from Jay Squires
I really like where you are taking this story. The dialogue is balanced with the narrative. Your characters are diverse and they play well off each other. There is suspense, not just environmentally (staying ahead of the enemy) but internally, with the new fellow they don't trust, but part of the success equation.
Good job -- as usual.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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I really like where you are taking this story. The dialogue is balanced with the narrative. Your characters are diverse and they play well off each other. There is suspense, not just environmentally (staying ahead of the enemy) but internally, with the new fellow they don't trust, but part of the success equation.
Good job -- as usual.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Hi, Bakersfield. Glad you like the story, as I hope to publish -- amazon, smashwords, bookbaby, the new one through writer's digest...haven't made up my mind. Thanks, as always, for reviewing.
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Good for you ... and good luck with it, Ridgecrest. By publishing on Smashwords your novel is shipped out to other booksellers. Amazon has some neat perks, but they have to have exclusive rights.
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Does smashwords do novellas? I can't see this becoming big enough for a full novel. I think Amazon's exclusivity lasts 90 days, and then I can go elsewhere. Of course, haven't uploaded it yet. Is it hard?
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Smashwords does anything! You price it as you choose. One of Amazon's perks allows you to have promotional sales on your novel for 3 days every 90 days. Most authors choose to have a giveaway for those three days, knowing your sales will likely spike for a week or weeks later. Not hard to upload Amazon, much harder for Smashword. My info is about a year old, though. things change.
