Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A Threatening Orphan"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
27 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Compassion reaches a point where it becomes impractical.
Resignation and foreboding constituted the normal range of emotions.
I love those lines, along with many others. Good amount of sound philosophy in this.
One thing is ruining it for me, and I just can't get used to it. PLEASE stop calling them Vision and Sound... give them nicknames, like Vi and Sou perhaps. The "names" you are using grate on my mind like nails on a chalkboard.. just too clinical for a story that promises to be interesting. How about when they are introduced? But you've said their names couldn't be undrstood by us, but still, they could have nicknames that TRANSLATE to Vi and Sou.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
  |
Compassion reaches a point where it becomes impractical.
Resignation and foreboding constituted the normal range of emotions.
I love those lines, along with many others. Good amount of sound philosophy in this.
One thing is ruining it for me, and I just can't get used to it. PLEASE stop calling them Vision and Sound... give them nicknames, like Vi and Sou perhaps. The "names" you are using grate on my mind like nails on a chalkboard.. just too clinical for a story that promises to be interesting. How about when they are introduced? But you've said their names couldn't be undrstood by us, but still, they could have nicknames that TRANSLATE to Vi and Sou.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
-
Okay. In most of the stories they will have names. It is something that bugs me too and it is all because of "he and she" which I would like to use, but can't. I'll let Mr. Felix come up with something. He's a little more hip than I intended already! This is actually a love story in its original form.
-
No gender, eh? Well, you could ADD it... make Vision male and Sound female, cuz we girls are deep thinkers and look for what lies beneath the surface. Men just charge ahead before checking. :)
-
Actually Vision is the female. Once we get past the cavepeople she is usually a girl and in the modern day story she is. Yeah, she's a deep thinker and all that. Hahaha. That's why I like girls...
-
Oh, okay. Vi is a girl's name, Violet. How about Suni for the guy? Or something that has letters from Sound.
-
Okay, I'll think of something. :))
Comment from Sasha
What a great start. I love the introduction of compassion, not something I ever thought about. But clearly it had to start somewhere. I am sure I am going to like this and anxiously look forward to the next chapter.
|
What a great start. I love the introduction of compassion, not something I ever thought about. But clearly it had to start somewhere. I am sure I am going to like this and anxiously look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
Comment from Jay Squires
I feel like the male equivalent of a school marm giving a spelling lesson. LOL, that was the only SPAG I discovered here, but it came in spades!
I had to deduct a star, though the content on this is clearly superior, but I shall return it as soon as you let me know the corrections have been made.
The last word in your preview is misspelled.
degree of prominence and deferrence [deference]
slaying of an adult wooley mamoth. [wooly mammoth]
had never occured before. [occurred]
The other travelors [travelers]
names in their physical existance. [existence]
sound simliar to the cry [similar]
I'm really getting into this tale, despite the distractions (he says with a wry grin!) I'm looking forward to future installments.
************************************************************
And... here you go.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
|
I feel like the male equivalent of a school marm giving a spelling lesson. LOL, that was the only SPAG I discovered here, but it came in spades!
I had to deduct a star, though the content on this is clearly superior, but I shall return it as soon as you let me know the corrections have been made.
The last word in your preview is misspelled.
degree of prominence and deferrence [deference]
slaying of an adult wooley mamoth. [wooly mammoth]
had never occured before. [occurred]
The other travelors [travelers]
names in their physical existance. [existence]
sound simliar to the cry [similar]
I'm really getting into this tale, despite the distractions (he says with a wry grin!) I'm looking forward to future installments.
************************************************************
And... here you go.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
-
I realized that I typed this into wordpad that doesn't have spellcheck! Wow. I've improved, believe it or not. Yes... WAY WORSE. Hahaha. I had corrected 'wooly mammoths' based on another review. So, that one is their fault!! (sounds like a good defense). I've made the corrections. I notice a couple of them are ones I make constantly, 'similar', 'existence' which I can add to were/where. I have those on a post it note now. I just have to remember to look at it. Thanks for your help. Most appreciated. Very excited that you are enjoying the story. mikey
Comment from Jay Leeward
A fascinating beginning to the sojourns of Vision and Sound. I'm struck by this initial look into "pre-sapiens" and struck by the notion of a beginning to compassion. It is a thought I had not previously conceived and I thank you opening my mind a bit.
A couple of minor spag notes: I believe your proto-elephants are 'woolly mammoths', not 'wooley mamoths'.
"Vision laughed at the antics of sound. Most of the tribe..." I think the 's' in 'sound' should be capitalized.
"Speculation included, attack by beasts or..." I think the comma after included could be dropped.
"The other travelors found the mimicking..." I suspect you intended the word to be 'travelers'.
Minor glitches and they certainly do not alter the fact that this very intriguing tale is off to an excellent start. Thank you for the pleasure of your imagination.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
|
A fascinating beginning to the sojourns of Vision and Sound. I'm struck by this initial look into "pre-sapiens" and struck by the notion of a beginning to compassion. It is a thought I had not previously conceived and I thank you opening my mind a bit.
A couple of minor spag notes: I believe your proto-elephants are 'woolly mammoths', not 'wooley mamoths'.
"Vision laughed at the antics of sound. Most of the tribe..." I think the 's' in 'sound' should be capitalized.
"Speculation included, attack by beasts or..." I think the comma after included could be dropped.
"The other travelors found the mimicking..." I suspect you intended the word to be 'travelers'.
Minor glitches and they certainly do not alter the fact that this very intriguing tale is off to an excellent start. Thank you for the pleasure of your imagination.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
-
So pleased you enjoyed the story. I knew I had Woolly Mammoths wrong, but spell check seemed okay with it! Thank you for the good eye. I made those corrections. You should have seem my work a year ago when I started. Well, I suppose it is better that you see the improved version!! mikey
-
Definitely my pleasure, mikey, and I'm lloking forward to future installments. Jay
Comment from Michaelk
That was not at all what I was expecting. But it was much better. I was expecting each story would have some creative way of them getting together and getting married. This was great. It's interesting how you have them subtly changing the course of human development. I assume this is the first public showing of compassion.
I'm curious, are they always going to have a positive connection, or will it ever be negative?
A little spag, 'reaches a point w(h)ere it becomes impractical'
Great chapter.
|
That was not at all what I was expecting. But it was much better. I was expecting each story would have some creative way of them getting together and getting married. This was great. It's interesting how you have them subtly changing the course of human development. I assume this is the first public showing of compassion.
I'm curious, are they always going to have a positive connection, or will it ever be negative?
A little spag, 'reaches a point w(h)ere it becomes impractical'
Great chapter.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
Comment from seaglass
I like this s lot. It is definitely on a higher plane of thinking than most stories on FS, including mine.
I like the idea that the creator, rather than making everything perfect, does as this story suggests, sent messengers to guide the race through development and progress.
One of these would lead them to discover fire, another tools, and the iron age, etc.
When they don't heed, war, famine and disease results, not from punishment but from their own making.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
I like this s lot. It is definitely on a higher plane of thinking than most stories on FS, including mine.
I like the idea that the creator, rather than making everything perfect, does as this story suggests, sent messengers to guide the race through development and progress.
One of these would lead them to discover fire, another tools, and the iron age, etc.
When they don't heed, war, famine and disease results, not from punishment but from their own making.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
Comment from José Ángel
Great story, good story ... very well run, I wait forward to the next chapter, I really quite liked it. My congratulations, hugs from Chile
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
Great story, good story ... very well run, I wait forward to the next chapter, I really quite liked it. My congratulations, hugs from Chile
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
