Harrison Harrington Smythson
a story poem for children150 total reviews
Comment from Trybuck
Harrison Harrington Smythson the Third
Most strangest name I've ever heard
Maybe he'll have more escapades soon
Perhaps he learns to play and carry a tune
Counting syllables is too much like work tonight..
Well done with your story poem, Buck
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
  |
Harrison Harrington Smythson the Third
Most strangest name I've ever heard
Maybe he'll have more escapades soon
Perhaps he learns to play and carry a tune
Counting syllables is too much like work tonight..
Well done with your story poem, Buck
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
-
Thanks so very much, Buck :-) Counting syllables is always too much work - it should just sound right. LOL :-) Brooke
Comment from Leineco
What a fun opening poem for my reviewing foray :-)
Acoustically, a joy to read. . .and a lesson for young
readers to learn!
I don't know why, but for some reason the lines
By anyone's standards, this creature was odd,
but being polite, Harry gave it a nod,
just really hit my funny bone! - too cute!!
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
 |
What a fun opening poem for my reviewing foray :-)
Acoustically, a joy to read. . .and a lesson for young
readers to learn!
I don't know why, but for some reason the lines
By anyone's standards, this creature was odd,
but being polite, Harry gave it a nod,
just really hit my funny bone! - too cute!!
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
-
Leineco, thank you so much :-) so glad this made you laugh :-) Brooke
Comment from nor84
I love these things, particularly the names you come up with for the child and the smooth flow of the verses. They bring out the inner child still inside this old body, Brooke. Thanks.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
|
I love these things, particularly the names you come up with for the child and the smooth flow of the verses. They bring out the inner child still inside this old body, Brooke. Thanks.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
-
Nor, thank you so very much, my friend - so glad you enjoyed :-) Brooke
Comment from Drew Delaney
Wonderful poem and love the dinosaur section of the Calgary Zoo. Not far away from Calgary is a town called Brooks, I believe. There are all the dinosaur exhibits that one would care to see. I was there once, and was so amazed at all the specimens in a huge museum. Quite an experience!
I like your writing, Brooke. It seems almost flawless in rhyme and rhythm. A definite natural, you are.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
|
Wonderful poem and love the dinosaur section of the Calgary Zoo. Not far away from Calgary is a town called Brooks, I believe. There are all the dinosaur exhibits that one would care to see. I was there once, and was so amazed at all the specimens in a huge museum. Quite an experience!
I like your writing, Brooke. It seems almost flawless in rhyme and rhythm. A definite natural, you are.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
-
Thanks so much, Drew - lots of dinosaurs were in that area back in the day! It's great that the area celebrates them now :-) Brooke
Comment from CHIGYSISKI
Excellent children's poem which also tells a story.I liked reading this very much. The ending is lovely.Am sure the little fella had this adventure in his dream and the magic of sleep brought him home.Well done!
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
|
Excellent children's poem which also tells a story.I liked reading this very much. The ending is lovely.Am sure the little fella had this adventure in his dream and the magic of sleep brought him home.Well done!
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
-
Chigysiski, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Jay Squires
and dreamed of the sailor his son soon would be, [I don't usually come with a suggestion for you, Brooke. Your poems don't allow for them. So, I'm approaching this with trepidation: but reversing would and soon seem to make for a better tempo.]
Outside of that, Brooke, this poem is such a gem! Have you published in the child market? I can't imagine a child who wouldn't be thrilled by your poetry.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
|
and dreamed of the sailor his son soon would be, [I don't usually come with a suggestion for you, Brooke. Your poems don't allow for them. So, I'm approaching this with trepidation: but reversing would and soon seem to make for a better tempo.]
Outside of that, Brooke, this poem is such a gem! Have you published in the child market? I can't imagine a child who wouldn't be thrilled by your poetry.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
-
Thank you, Jay - I will take another look at that line :-) Brooke
Comment from His Grayness
Dear Brooke: this is simply a masterpiece of enjoyment and I'm here with no sixes but lots of admiration and good wishes. Really a very creative work! Vance
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
|
Dear Brooke: this is simply a masterpiece of enjoyment and I'm here with no sixes but lots of admiration and good wishes. Really a very creative work! Vance
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
-
Vance, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from DR DIP
Great story, great mixture of AAAA AABB rhyme scheme.
just one verse:
He thought for a moment he'd seen a T Rex,
with massive teeth bared and muscles all flexed,
near forty feet long and several feet wide,
but everyone knows the dinosaurs died
consider:
He thought for a moment he'd seen a T Rex,
with massive teeth bared and muscles to flex
near forty feet long and several feet wide,
but everyone knows the dinosaurs died
otherwise perfect
dip
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
|
Great story, great mixture of AAAA AABB rhyme scheme.
just one verse:
He thought for a moment he'd seen a T Rex,
with massive teeth bared and muscles all flexed,
near forty feet long and several feet wide,
but everyone knows the dinosaurs died
consider:
He thought for a moment he'd seen a T Rex,
with massive teeth bared and muscles to flex
near forty feet long and several feet wide,
but everyone knows the dinosaurs died
otherwise perfect
dip
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
-
dip, thanks so much for your careful reading of my poem and your feedback :-) Brooke
-
but will you change it? ..NO!!! lol never
just once , just once admit something is a better option or reads better and don't baffle me with some poetic jargon nomenclature..go on swallow your pride! haha
xx dip
-
Hey, it could happen :-) I added a comma in a poem recently when rama devi suggested it. LOL
She went 1 for 2 - I made one change and didn't make the other. :-)
-
well fk me its a miracle.. the pearler changed something on a suggestion.. that would make fanstory news for sure! haha
-
just tell me how T Rex and flexed are perfect rhyme/
whereas Rex and flex? well I'm no english lecturer or poetic wordsmith but it sure seems better to me it makes no difference to the the poem whether its flexed or flex in the scheme of things..cmon just give me the satisfaction otherwise i'll never review you again!! hahaha
-
(*tongue firmly implanted in cheek) lol
-
I wish Ian Ayris were still an active member. He was my favorite prose writer and favorite reviewer. He never changed much in his suggestions, but a little word here or there, and I just about always took his advice. I bet I made a few dozen revisions because of him over time :-)
-
they are not "perfect" rhyme - they are proximate rhyme. We've had this talk before. LOL I like proximate rhyme a whole lot and you don't like it at all. LOL :-)
-
well whoopy fkn do for Ian! why are you telling me this for?..is my humble suggestion from a pleb not good enough?
-
but its the ONLY line in the whole poem thats proximate do you see my point like if the whole poem was proximate ryhme i could give a rats the fact that one word can be changed that could makle this poem perfect and your ego and stubboness takes over i think thats what irritates me the most
(i'm the same guy who goes to someones house and straightens a picture on a wall if it isn't plumb or not.
There is a place for proximate rhyme in poetry but not when it has the perfect rhyme alternative just staring you in the face and it make no ioto to the poems line intent whatsoever. THAT IS MY BUGBEAR with proximate rhyme!
Comment from l.raven
OMG Brooke, LOL...this poem so goes with the expression on Sawyers face...I'm still laughing...and yet it was a dream...what a wonderful poem and picture this is...one of your best...love it...sooooooooo very well written...Love Linda xxoo luff
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
|
OMG Brooke, LOL...this poem so goes with the expression on Sawyers face...I'm still laughing...and yet it was a dream...what a wonderful poem and picture this is...one of your best...love it...sooooooooo very well written...Love Linda xxoo luff
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
-
Thanks so much, Linda - yeah, I just love that expression too LOL
I swear the kid could have been a star of the silent screen :-) Brooke
-
he young!!! he still can...LOL...xxoo so welcome you...
-
they don't make many silent pictures nowadays LOL
-
that's ok ...that boy needs to express himself...LOL...
Comment from Aussie
Strike me lucky! This took me three hours to read! You must have done some research on triceratops - cause I ain't never heard of that big bugger. For some reason, this reminds me of Jumangi (the movie with all the animals) hope Sawyer appreciates all your work - the rocking movement continued all the way through - just like a huge animal cantering. Excellent Nana.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
|
Strike me lucky! This took me three hours to read! You must have done some research on triceratops - cause I ain't never heard of that big bugger. For some reason, this reminds me of Jumangi (the movie with all the animals) hope Sawyer appreciates all your work - the rocking movement continued all the way through - just like a huge animal cantering. Excellent Nana.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
-
Thank you so much, Kay. LOL - It only took about five hours to write LOL :-) Brooke
-
Ha,Ha, Serve you right for giving all your love to writing for Sawyer! :-) XX
