Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Prologue "Prologue: Magic Felix"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
48 total reviews
Comment from madhatter1977
Hi Mikey, couple of typos to get out of the way: We understand and appreciate the term and human(s)' understanding of it. You also say refference a couple of times, only 1 f is needed.
I'm intrigued by this backstory - I think it could take you anywhere you wish to go! Vision and sound are great as personifications and Magic Felix makes a great name as an omniscient narrator of the story! Great story in the making - I will review this one, promise!! Best wishes, Pete :)
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Hi Mikey, couple of typos to get out of the way: We understand and appreciate the term and human(s)' understanding of it. You also say refference a couple of times, only 1 f is needed.
I'm intrigued by this backstory - I think it could take you anywhere you wish to go! Vision and sound are great as personifications and Magic Felix makes a great name as an omniscient narrator of the story! Great story in the making - I will review this one, promise!! Best wishes, Pete :)
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
Comment from Jay Leeward
I am eagerly awaiting the next installment. The introduction to Felix has certainly whetted my appetite. I find Felix to be strong character and am immediately drawn to him. A very light and deft touch of humor, and just a hint of cynicism as pertains to humanity. Perhaps it is that touch of cynicism that draws me to him.
Minor spag: "You can call me, Magic Felix." I believe you could eliminate the comma after me.
"Some of the souls find it obnoxious, I find that amusing." It may be my own taste, but you might consider a period after obnoxious ending that sentence. Again, personal preference, but I think letting Felix's 'amusing' statement stand alone might be stronger, and adds a touch of archness to the comment -- which seems to fit the Felix I have discovered.
"If you knew, there would be no need to find out now would there." I might suggest a comma after now and ending with a question mark rather than a period.
Excellent work. Intriguing, fascinating, full of promise. Thank you for this enjoyable read.
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I am eagerly awaiting the next installment. The introduction to Felix has certainly whetted my appetite. I find Felix to be strong character and am immediately drawn to him. A very light and deft touch of humor, and just a hint of cynicism as pertains to humanity. Perhaps it is that touch of cynicism that draws me to him.
Minor spag: "You can call me, Magic Felix." I believe you could eliminate the comma after me.
"Some of the souls find it obnoxious, I find that amusing." It may be my own taste, but you might consider a period after obnoxious ending that sentence. Again, personal preference, but I think letting Felix's 'amusing' statement stand alone might be stronger, and adds a touch of archness to the comment -- which seems to fit the Felix I have discovered.
"If you knew, there would be no need to find out now would there." I might suggest a comma after now and ending with a question mark rather than a period.
Excellent work. Intriguing, fascinating, full of promise. Thank you for this enjoyable read.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
Comment from Nosha17
A very novel idea for a novel. The potential is enormous because if these beings go back in time it will be in a historical genre, but if they go into the future, then it is futuristic and science fiction. I like the historical genre best, I am not too keen on futuristic stories. Well narrated, good descriptive detail, interesting characterisations. I think some of your own philosophies on life will shine into your stories, Enjoyable read. Faye
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A very novel idea for a novel. The potential is enormous because if these beings go back in time it will be in a historical genre, but if they go into the future, then it is futuristic and science fiction. I like the historical genre best, I am not too keen on futuristic stories. Well narrated, good descriptive detail, interesting characterisations. I think some of your own philosophies on life will shine into your stories, Enjoyable read. Faye
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
Comment from Cajungirl
I must say that your prologue and notes have me all stirred up for more. I am still fairly new at writing, but I can tell you, this is well-written. I look forward to keeping up with this novel, for sure. Great job.
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I must say that your prologue and notes have me all stirred up for more. I am still fairly new at writing, but I can tell you, this is well-written. I look forward to keeping up with this novel, for sure. Great job.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
Comment from lynglyng
The story line is great. Great original ideas that flow well and are a very interesting read. I like the character development and good imagery you give with your word usage. Excellent job.
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The story line is great. Great original ideas that flow well and are a very interesting read. I like the character development and good imagery you give with your word usage. Excellent job.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
Comment from Darkhorse555
i do believe in some ways this has some truth mikey from my own past A soul retains parts of its existence as a human and brings it back with them really excellent piece of writing enjoyed the read dear pal
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i do believe in some ways this has some truth mikey from my own past A soul retains parts of its existence as a human and brings it back with them really excellent piece of writing enjoyed the read dear pal
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
a good write and I have no suggestion of change in any part of it. I enjoyed the story and it kept my interest ALL THE WAY TO THE END. Mary
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a good write and I have no suggestion of change in any part of it. I enjoyed the story and it kept my interest ALL THE WAY TO THE END. Mary
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
Comment from emrpoems
Did a fine job with this piece. Loved it from beginning to end and I promise to follow your subsequent chapters.
Souls are neither male or female.
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Did a fine job with this piece. Loved it from beginning to end and I promise to follow your subsequent chapters.
Souls are neither male or female.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
Comment from Twilightspire
Hello, Michael. Let my start by reiterating what I said in your synopsis. This sounds like a great concept. The characters appear to be engaging and the theme is well rounded and easily understood from the prologue. The whole thing is very imaginative.
As far as grammar type mistakes go, I only found one thing to comment on. You use the same word, stories or some variation, quite a bit in the first couple if paragraphs and then do the same with other words, souls being one if them. You have to vary your word choice. Use other synonyms for the same word or it comes out like a technical manual.
The next thing, and this is totally a stylistic choice of mine, you should try telling the story and then let us get the back story. I don't know. It seems like it may be too much information in one shot, in my opinion. Just a suggestion though.
Overall an interesting and fun beginning.
-T.J.
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Hello, Michael. Let my start by reiterating what I said in your synopsis. This sounds like a great concept. The characters appear to be engaging and the theme is well rounded and easily understood from the prologue. The whole thing is very imaginative.
As far as grammar type mistakes go, I only found one thing to comment on. You use the same word, stories or some variation, quite a bit in the first couple if paragraphs and then do the same with other words, souls being one if them. You have to vary your word choice. Use other synonyms for the same word or it comes out like a technical manual.
The next thing, and this is totally a stylistic choice of mine, you should try telling the story and then let us get the back story. I don't know. It seems like it may be too much information in one shot, in my opinion. Just a suggestion though.
Overall an interesting and fun beginning.
-T.J.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
Yes, it is somewhat confusing. However, the overall premise is quite inriguing and exciting. I am guessing that we will be seeing these two souls in various lifetimes as different people. That leaves limitless options. Can't wait.
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Yes, it is somewhat confusing. However, the overall premise is quite inriguing and exciting. I am guessing that we will be seeing these two souls in various lifetimes as different people. That leaves limitless options. Can't wait.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
