Desperate Love
When it starts to happen47 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
You set the stage effectively and depict Jill's state of mind well as she wishes desperately that her husband would not try to have sex with her
a most effective depiction of her listening to him masturbate in the bathroom
You convey his frustration well and his temptations with Sheila as he can't get any satisfaction from his wife
Propped on his pillow, he glared - add comma
A strong contender for the Desperate contest
Brooke
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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You set the stage effectively and depict Jill's state of mind well as she wishes desperately that her husband would not try to have sex with her
a most effective depiction of her listening to him masturbate in the bathroom
You convey his frustration well and his temptations with Sheila as he can't get any satisfaction from his wife
Propped on his pillow, he glared - add comma
A strong contender for the Desperate contest
Brooke
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thank you very much, Brooke
Comment from Eric1
Hi Lancellot, this story had me hooked from the start, what a brilliant piece of writing my friend, told from the two points of view it gave that extra dimension to your wonderful story, a great write and I wish you luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Hi Lancellot, this story had me hooked from the start, what a brilliant piece of writing my friend, told from the two points of view it gave that extra dimension to your wonderful story, a great write and I wish you luck in the contest.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thank you very much
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You are welcome.
Comment from Cin
I love the polar perspectives of the characters in the story - it really allows some insight to the reader regarding the frustration that is evolving in this relationship.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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I love the polar perspectives of the characters in the story - it really allows some insight to the reader regarding the frustration that is evolving in this relationship.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thank you very much
Comment from Emily George
Well written. Each of your characters had substance.
The tear on the pillow made me feel for David. Revenge I fear will be in store. Look forward to more, if the is more that is.
Did you mean but he didn't like what had became of that young man
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Well written. Each of your characters had substance.
The tear on the pillow made me feel for David. Revenge I fear will be in store. Look forward to more, if the is more that is.
Did you mean but he didn't like what had became of that young man
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thank you very much
Comment from LIJ Red
Clear language, smooth movement lack of Spags, Excellent.
More. Uh...sounds great. No kids? Hopefully a good pre-nup?
New wears off, time to move on. Yee haa. No problem.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Clear language, smooth movement lack of Spags, Excellent.
More. Uh...sounds great. No kids? Hopefully a good pre-nup?
New wears off, time to move on. Yee haa. No problem.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thank you very much
Comment from Jay Squires
This was a well-written and entertaining piece, Lancelot. I'm always a sucker for those scenes told in one point of view and then re-told in the second POV. You paced it nicely and there was a good balance between back story and present action.
I was impressed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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This was a well-written and entertaining piece, Lancelot. I'm always a sucker for those scenes told in one point of view and then re-told in the second POV. You paced it nicely and there was a good balance between back story and present action.
I was impressed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thank you very much
Comment from James Dooney
Oh this is very nice indeed and I think I would love to wake up next to her in the morning ! Great writing here and I wish you luck in the prompt !
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Oh this is very nice indeed and I think I would love to wake up next to her in the morning ! Great writing here and I wish you luck in the prompt !
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thank you very much
