Desperate Love
When it starts to happen47 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
What a terribly sad situation you describe between these two, and you describe it so well. The story is enhanced by the use of dialogue between the two women as well, although David's POV was my favorite - this is an excellent entry for this contest, in my opinion. Best of luck.
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What a terribly sad situation you describe between these two, and you describe it so well. The story is enhanced by the use of dialogue between the two women as well, although David's POV was my favorite - this is an excellent entry for this contest, in my opinion. Best of luck.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
This is an excellent write and you describe your story well. The contents were not too saucy and I enjoyed the read. No need for changes. Mary
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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This is an excellent write and you describe your story well. The contents were not too saucy and I enjoyed the read. No need for changes. Mary
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from faragon
Very well written and a sad commentary on what happens when the flames die out in a marriage. I like how you tell both sides of the story.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Very well written and a sad commentary on what happens when the flames die out in a marriage. I like how you tell both sides of the story.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from mikemagine
Compelling. Parts were funny to me, and the entire story worked very well. I see zero flaws with your work. This is true to life, written with pizazz - it's a great story. You developed the characters excellently, the dialogue's great, and there is no dull moment in this!
Mike
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Compelling. Parts were funny to me, and the entire story worked very well. I see zero flaws with your work. This is true to life, written with pizazz - it's a great story. You developed the characters excellently, the dialogue's great, and there is no dull moment in this!
Mike
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much
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Sure thing my friend!!
Comment from c_lucas
When one fountain shuts down, find one that works. This is very well written with a coarse flow of word, making for a very intimidating read. You showed frustration very well.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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When one fountain shuts down, find one that works. This is very well written with a coarse flow of word, making for a very intimidating read. You showed frustration very well.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much
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You're welcome, Lancellot. Charlie
Comment from sibhus
Damn, Lancelot, you have a real talent when it comes to writing those intimate moments between a man and a woman. Great descriptions that really show the frustration and pain between this couple. This is a great entry for the contest and good luck.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Damn, Lancelot, you have a real talent when it comes to writing those intimate moments between a man and a woman. Great descriptions that really show the frustration and pain between this couple. This is a great entry for the contest and good luck.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much
Comment from Twilightspire
Excellent work, lancellot.
The transitions were smooth and easy to follow. I like that you did the whole night in two different segments, one for David and one for Jill. It was interesting to see that they both shared a similar problem, but couldn't communicate with each other about it.
Great job and good luck in the contest.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Excellent work, lancellot.
The transitions were smooth and easy to follow. I like that you did the whole night in two different segments, one for David and one for Jill. It was interesting to see that they both shared a similar problem, but couldn't communicate with each other about it.
Great job and good luck in the contest.
-T.J.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much. I'm glad you liked it. These types of tales don't usually go over well.
Comment from Jay Leeward
A very well written work. If there was spag, I didn't see it. I was a little preoccupied however.
You labeled this as 'romance fiction'. I suppose it is, at that. But throughout the several times I read this story, I was struck over and again by the thought, "What a tragedy!"
David, Jill, and their disintegrating marriage is a tragedy. Pam, "divorced twice, and is currently screwing a nine inch piece of plastic", is tragic in her own right. As is Sheila. Two major characters and two minor ones each painting a slightly different picture of tragedy.
It is a very powerful cautionary tale, as well as very well written.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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A very well written work. If there was spag, I didn't see it. I was a little preoccupied however.
You labeled this as 'romance fiction'. I suppose it is, at that. But throughout the several times I read this story, I was struck over and again by the thought, "What a tragedy!"
David, Jill, and their disintegrating marriage is a tragedy. Pam, "divorced twice, and is currently screwing a nine inch piece of plastic", is tragic in her own right. As is Sheila. Two major characters and two minor ones each painting a slightly different picture of tragedy.
It is a very powerful cautionary tale, as well as very well written.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much
Comment from DerivedBetter
Wow. This was really much better than I expected. You captured these two people so well and their feelings and frustrations. Dam fine job. Thanks for sharing. Keep on writing.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Wow. This was really much better than I expected. You captured these two people so well and their feelings and frustrations. Dam fine job. Thanks for sharing. Keep on writing.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thank you very much
Comment from Bobby Jo
This is something I think every couple goes through in a marriage. I know in our marriage, my husband would never cheat on me or me him, but the sex is not what it use to be or probably never will be again. It saddens me, but I guess that is the price to an ageing married couple.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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This is something I think every couple goes through in a marriage. I know in our marriage, my husband would never cheat on me or me him, but the sex is not what it use to be or probably never will be again. It saddens me, but I guess that is the price to an ageing married couple.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thank you very much
