Sunshine and I
a children's poem in rhyming couplets151 total reviews
Comment from angelface2
Nice poem with good meter and rhyming, Brooke. Sawyer looks happy strolling along in the sunshine. I like the way you play between sun and moon. enjoyable poem. Miss Sally
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Nice poem with good meter and rhyming, Brooke. Sawyer looks happy strolling along in the sunshine. I like the way you play between sun and moon. enjoyable poem. Miss Sally
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Miss Sally, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Dean Kuch
I'd opt for playing in the moonlight over the hot sun any day, Brooke. Oh, listen to the children of the night...such beautiful music they make, heh-heh...
Anywho, this was cute, clever, very well rhymed (as usual!) and an all around, happy-go-lucky, feel-good little poem. There, I think that just about covers it.
Great stuff, kids would love it! :)
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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I'd opt for playing in the moonlight over the hot sun any day, Brooke. Oh, listen to the children of the night...such beautiful music they make, heh-heh...
Anywho, this was cute, clever, very well rhymed (as usual!) and an all around, happy-go-lucky, feel-good little poem. There, I think that just about covers it.
Great stuff, kids would love it! :)
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Dean, thank you - I should have known you'd prefer the dark of night LOL Brooke :-)
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But of course :}
It was my pleasure, Brooke.
Comment from DR DIP
AABB rhyme? surprise surprise! well done with the personification of the sun and moon!
Sunshine and I had the world to ourselves,
moon tucked away on the highest of shelves.
Moon didn't mind when it worked out that way --
moon plays by night and sun during day.
I was thinking when writing like this in the third person, that the last line in the context and mood already created
that maybe thwe last line should read;
Sunshine and I had the world to ourselves,
moon tucked away on the highest of shelves.
Moon didn't mind when it worked out that way --
moon plays by night and sun plays by day.
just a thought but i know you'll never change it and you newver have and thats fine by me..its only my interpretation anyway
xxdip
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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AABB rhyme? surprise surprise! well done with the personification of the sun and moon!
Sunshine and I had the world to ourselves,
moon tucked away on the highest of shelves.
Moon didn't mind when it worked out that way --
moon plays by night and sun during day.
I was thinking when writing like this in the third person, that the last line in the context and mood already created
that maybe thwe last line should read;
Sunshine and I had the world to ourselves,
moon tucked away on the highest of shelves.
Moon didn't mind when it worked out that way --
moon plays by night and sun plays by day.
just a thought but i know you'll never change it and you newver have and thats fine by me..its only my interpretation anyway
xxdip
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much, dip :-) Brooke
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
Brooke, I love this charming children's poem about sunbeams and moonbeams. How wonderfully positive the viewpoint, and how technically well written. Love, Jeanie
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Brooke, I love this charming children's poem about sunbeams and moonbeams. How wonderfully positive the viewpoint, and how technically well written. Love, Jeanie
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Jeanie, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
This is terrific, Brooke. It is always helpful when you add author notes about the rhythm because it allows some education on meter, especially for me anyway! I love the photo. We are so privileged to watch Sawyer striding out in his growing up years, Giddy
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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This is terrific, Brooke. It is always helpful when you add author notes about the rhythm because it allows some education on meter, especially for me anyway! I love the photo. We are so privileged to watch Sawyer striding out in his growing up years, Giddy
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Giddy, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from DALLAS01
I liked the flux between the opposites, and the importance of each. Great rhyme and rhythm as always. Can't help but feel good after reading one of your poems.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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I liked the flux between the opposites, and the importance of each. Great rhyme and rhythm as always. Can't help but feel good after reading one of your poems.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Dallas, thank you so much :-) Brooke
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You're welcome.
Comment from GWHARGIS
I love the characterization of the sun and the moon. It was like watching the three of them playing and having fun. Great rhythm and flow. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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I love the characterization of the sun and the moon. It was like watching the three of them playing and having fun. Great rhythm and flow. Nicely done.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Gretchen, thank you so very much :-) Brooke
Comment from sandstaf
This poem captures the way young children personalize their relationship with nature. The rhymes were effortless, and did not seem forced at all. I skipped along with the little boy in the picture all day.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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This poem captures the way young children personalize their relationship with nature. The rhymes were effortless, and did not seem forced at all. I skipped along with the little boy in the picture all day.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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sandstaf, thank you for your positive comments. Since all the comments are positive, please clarify the 4 rating, which means the poem needs improvement. What part would you like improved?
Brooke
Comment from Leineco
Sunshine and I had a play date today
we didn't ask any moonbeams to stay.
Moonbeams were weary from playing all night.
Moon didn't mind when it worked out that way!
I gotta admit - this is a perfect rendition of a child's perception of day and night. One is for playing - the other for snoozing. One shines a spotlight on things full of fun (frogs, puddles, skipping stones and crawly bugs); the other tucks us in, and then runs out to play mysterious games.
Very cutely written :-)
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Sunshine and I had a play date today
we didn't ask any moonbeams to stay.
Moonbeams were weary from playing all night.
Moon didn't mind when it worked out that way!
I gotta admit - this is a perfect rendition of a child's perception of day and night. One is for playing - the other for snoozing. One shines a spotlight on things full of fun (frogs, puddles, skipping stones and crawly bugs); the other tucks us in, and then runs out to play mysterious games.
Very cutely written :-)
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Leineco, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Charlene0513
To adewpearl,
Sunshine is meant for summer days to have fun and frolic to your heart's content.
Moonbeams cast a magical essence in our pathway and cast thoughts of what tomorrow will bring.
Charlene
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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To adewpearl,
Sunshine is meant for summer days to have fun and frolic to your heart's content.
Moonbeams cast a magical essence in our pathway and cast thoughts of what tomorrow will bring.
Charlene
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Charlene, thank you so much :-) Brooke
