Sunshine and I
a children's poem in rhyming couplets151 total reviews
Comment from rod007
This poem really went deep into a child's imagination and I believe that's how they look at the sun and the moon. Well done, Brooke
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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This poem really went deep into a child's imagination and I believe that's how they look at the sun and the moon. Well done, Brooke
Comment Written 30-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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I appreciate your thoughtful review, Rod :-) Brooke
Comment from High Wire Girl
It always seems that little guys have the most courage. They can take on the big issues - love, the universe, the future.
Thank you for this lovely piece. The world that belongs to children is a thrilling place. It's nice to see things through their eyes.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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It always seems that little guys have the most courage. They can take on the big issues - love, the universe, the future.
Thank you for this lovely piece. The world that belongs to children is a thrilling place. It's nice to see things through their eyes.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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High Wire Girl, thank you for your positive comments. Since the comments are all positive, could I please ask for clarification of the 4 rating, which means improvement is needed? I'd appreciate your telling me what parts you would like me to change. :-) Brooke
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Brooke
Another delightful children's poem. In your usual excellent rhyme and meter. I love the concept ... play date with sunshine while giving moonbeams their credence. Fabulous image ... must have been a great holiday. I can hear the meter when I read your poems, just not when I try to do it. :))) Well done. Hugs - Lovi xoxox
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Hi Brooke
Another delightful children's poem. In your usual excellent rhyme and meter. I love the concept ... play date with sunshine while giving moonbeams their credence. Fabulous image ... must have been a great holiday. I can hear the meter when I read your poems, just not when I try to do it. :))) Well done. Hugs - Lovi xoxox
Comment Written 30-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Lovinia, thank you so much :-) Brooke
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My pleasure as always to read your poems. I guess I don't point out all the alliteration or assonance, etc as I might in other reviews ... I already know you know. lol Hugs - Lovinia xoxo
Comment from Janet Foor
Wonderful rhyming couplets and internal rhyming.
I loved the personification of the sun and moon.
Good use of alliteration with were weary, Moon didn't mind, daytime was done and When we grew weary, we.
A fun to read poem Brooke.
Oh how I envy Miranda and family vacationing in Baniff. A magnificent and beautiful place.
Janet
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Wonderful rhyming couplets and internal rhyming.
I loved the personification of the sun and moon.
Good use of alliteration with were weary, Moon didn't mind, daytime was done and When we grew weary, we.
A fun to read poem Brooke.
Oh how I envy Miranda and family vacationing in Baniff. A magnificent and beautiful place.
Janet
Comment Written 30-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Janet, thank you so very much, my generous friend. They really loved Banff. They've been living in a drought, so the cool country atmosphere filled with lakes and waterfalls is just what the doctor ordered :-) Brooke
Comment from mountainwriter49
Happy Saturday Night, Brooke!
I'm so sorry I've missed so many of your posts, but am glad to find this one in my in-box this evening. I admire how you write about so many topics, and each on spot on with commentary/philosophy/humor, etc.
I particularly liked this poem with its play on moonbeams. It made me think of the old children's prayer, "I see the moon and the moon sees me, God bless the moon and God bless me."
There's plenty of adult wisdom in this children's poem for Sawyer. For me, you're saying take each day and make the most of it. Moonbeams are opportunities. And I agree fully with your lament about so many children lacking a loving family environment with a mom and live-at-home and actively engaged dad.
Your end rhymes are strong and I enjoyed your mixed meter in this poem. Well done, my most talented friend.
Ray
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Happy Saturday Night, Brooke!
I'm so sorry I've missed so many of your posts, but am glad to find this one in my in-box this evening. I admire how you write about so many topics, and each on spot on with commentary/philosophy/humor, etc.
I particularly liked this poem with its play on moonbeams. It made me think of the old children's prayer, "I see the moon and the moon sees me, God bless the moon and God bless me."
There's plenty of adult wisdom in this children's poem for Sawyer. For me, you're saying take each day and make the most of it. Moonbeams are opportunities. And I agree fully with your lament about so many children lacking a loving family environment with a mom and live-at-home and actively engaged dad.
Your end rhymes are strong and I enjoyed your mixed meter in this poem. Well done, my most talented friend.
Ray
Comment Written 30-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Happy Saturday Night to you too, Ray :-) I hope all is well with you. As always, I appreciate your graciousness and generosity, my friend :-) Brooke
Comment from ProSongwriter
What a fantastic poem!
Hi ... good to "meet" you!
That was such a wonderful, heartwarming story. You captured the essence of a child at play on a warm summer day as though he were telling the story himself. You locked onto the thought process of a child and told it so the rest of us could understand. Terrific writing, indeed!
Best to you!
Alan
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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What a fantastic poem!
Hi ... good to "meet" you!
That was such a wonderful, heartwarming story. You captured the essence of a child at play on a warm summer day as though he were telling the story himself. You locked onto the thought process of a child and told it so the rest of us could understand. Terrific writing, indeed!
Best to you!
Alan
Comment Written 30-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Alan, thank you so much :-) Brooke
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Hi Brooke ... I apologize but I forgot your real name when I saw your screen name. Some day you'll be closing in on 70 years old and you'll understand!
You are very welcome. it was a most enjoyable read! Hope the rest of your weekend is terrific.
Alan
Comment from daljit
Simply beautiful poetry! I like it a lot. Sun tossed his rays and I caught each one---absolutely marvelous! The beach scene with a kid's photograph resonates with your words. The imagery and flow are great. I give you six stars.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Simply beautiful poetry! I like it a lot. Sun tossed his rays and I caught each one---absolutely marvelous! The beach scene with a kid's photograph resonates with your words. The imagery and flow are great. I give you six stars.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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daljit, thank you so much for your generous and gracious response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am sure the sunshine likes to play. Just ask my first graders. They are full of life and sunshine. I would almost bet they would prefer to play in the sunshine instead of doing school work.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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I am sure the sunshine likes to play. Just ask my first graders. They are full of life and sunshine. I would almost bet they would prefer to play in the sunshine instead of doing school work.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Barbara, thank you so much :-) I'm glad to hear you have a happy bunch this year :-) Brooke
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Brooke,
You paint a great picture of a sun dappled day for a small boy. Lovely imagery in the lines and a brighter day than the rather overcast one here.
Patrick
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Hi Brooke,
You paint a great picture of a sun dappled day for a small boy. Lovely imagery in the lines and a brighter day than the rather overcast one here.
Patrick
Comment Written 30-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Patrick, thank you, my friend :-) Brooke
Comment from livelylinda
Very nice, Brooke: writing of the roles that moonbeams and sunbeams take during the day and night and how Sawyer plays with them; so much fun. And the picture is of a most beautiful place. Thanks for taking us along with the beams! Linda
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Very nice, Brooke: writing of the roles that moonbeams and sunbeams take during the day and night and how Sawyer plays with them; so much fun. And the picture is of a most beautiful place. Thanks for taking us along with the beams! Linda
Comment Written 30-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Linda, thank you so much :-) Brooke
