Sunshine and I
a children's poem in rhyming couplets151 total reviews
Comment from sgalletti
Cute rhyming couplets written in a child's language. I'm so used to your perfect meter that I tripped a little bit on the 4th line of the first stanza. Love the story of the child playing with the moonbeams. Sue
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
  |
Cute rhyming couplets written in a child's language. I'm so used to your perfect meter that I tripped a little bit on the 4th line of the first stanza. Love the story of the child playing with the moonbeams. Sue
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
-
Sue, thanks so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Angel Debbie
This is a darling little write with moon beams and sunshine.
Done in a graceful way as to describe day and night of a child. Beautifully done thank you
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
|
This is a darling little write with moon beams and sunshine.
Done in a graceful way as to describe day and night of a child. Beautifully done thank you
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
-
Angel Debbie, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from LIJ Red
Why did I think of moon and sun together-and how each speck of the dim sunlight through the forest leaves was a little
eclipsed crescent on the ground? oh, the poem is crafted
with your usual quality.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
|
Why did I think of moon and sun together-and how each speck of the dim sunlight through the forest leaves was a little
eclipsed crescent on the ground? oh, the poem is crafted
with your usual quality.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
-
LIJ, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from L.M.Mullins
Hi Brooke,
I like your choice of rhymes and the smooth flow when read aloud. One day, when he is older, he'll be playing with the moonbeams while the sun sleeps. Can't wait for that poem. Quick question if you don't mind. I posted a poem called "Between you and I" which after several reviews I changed to "You and Me" I noticed you have "Sunshine and I" which is correct?
Len
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
|
Hi Brooke,
I like your choice of rhymes and the smooth flow when read aloud. One day, when he is older, he'll be playing with the moonbeams while the sun sleeps. Can't wait for that poem. Quick question if you don't mind. I posted a poem called "Between you and I" which after several reviews I changed to "You and Me" I noticed you have "Sunshine and I" which is correct?
Len
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
-
Thanks so much, Len - I or me is determined by the use of the pronoun in the sentence. The sunshine and I played - in that sentence we have the subjective use of the pronoun - I did something, I as the subject of the sentence. Between you and me - there it should be me because in that sentence it is the object of the preposition between. :-) Brooke
Comment from Tatarka2
I'm always amazed (and a little envious) at the way you come up with these poems, which seem simple at first glance, but are always perfectly metered and delightful to the ear of a child (and fun to read for an adult). I do hope you're keeping them in a book for Sawyer. See, you already have a manuscript to submit! I hope you do.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
|
I'm always amazed (and a little envious) at the way you come up with these poems, which seem simple at first glance, but are always perfectly metered and delightful to the ear of a child (and fun to read for an adult). I do hope you're keeping them in a book for Sawyer. See, you already have a manuscript to submit! I hope you do.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
-
Thank you so very much, my supportive friend :-) Brooke
Comment from Drew Delaney
I had one six-star left, and thought you deserved one for this nicely rhtymatic poem. Now google says that this is definitely a word, but a red line is showing under. Anyway, your poem is so sweet and it is about your grandson. Grandkids are so adorable. I have 9 grandchildren ranging from 1 year old, to 26. Can't believe how time has flown by. I am truly blessed. Be proud and enjoy. They grow up so fast. Hugs, Drew
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
 |
I had one six-star left, and thought you deserved one for this nicely rhtymatic poem. Now google says that this is definitely a word, but a red line is showing under. Anyway, your poem is so sweet and it is about your grandson. Grandkids are so adorable. I have 9 grandchildren ranging from 1 year old, to 26. Can't believe how time has flown by. I am truly blessed. Be proud and enjoy. They grow up so fast. Hugs, Drew
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
-
Thank you so very much for your generous sixth star and gracious comments :-) Nine, now that is a blessing and then some :-) Brooke
Comment from Domino 2
I'm never sure whether 'I' or 'me' is correct, Brooke, but with your teaching and literary background, I'm sure YOU do.
Love the alliteration and 't' sounds in 4th line.
I find the 8th line to be a syllable short, so maybe 'the sun'.
Same with 9th line, so maybe 'every {2 syllables] one'
Anyway, as ever, a lovely read.
Best wishes, Ray xx
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
|
I'm never sure whether 'I' or 'me' is correct, Brooke, but with your teaching and literary background, I'm sure YOU do.
Love the alliteration and 't' sounds in 4th line.
I find the 8th line to be a syllable short, so maybe 'the sun'.
Same with 9th line, so maybe 'every {2 syllables] one'
Anyway, as ever, a lovely read.
Best wishes, Ray xx
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
-
Ray, yep, I/me is one of my specialties LOL
I'll reread those lines :-) Thanks for your feedback, my friend :-) Brooke
-
Thanks for your gracious reply, Brooke. xx
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent poem, brook, and the picture is just so cute. he looks like he's walking tall and proud, confidence in his stare. I like the thought of tucking moonbeams in light.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
|
this is an excellent poem, brook, and the picture is just so cute. he looks like he's walking tall and proud, confidence in his stare. I like the thought of tucking moonbeams in light.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
-
sweetwoodjax, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from evilynne
No matter what meter you write in, your writings are always wonderfully descriptive and imaginative. I think your works awaken our inner child!
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
|
No matter what meter you write in, your writings are always wonderfully descriptive and imaginative. I think your works awaken our inner child!
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
-
Evi, thank you so very much for your generous review :-) Brooke
Comment from Goodauthor
This is a well written poem that tells a cute story. It flows smoothly from verse to verse to stanza, and proper grammar enhances the flow. I can just see the little boy in the picture running down the beach throwing sticks and having fun. I enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
|
This is a well written poem that tells a cute story. It flows smoothly from verse to verse to stanza, and proper grammar enhances the flow. I can just see the little boy in the picture running down the beach throwing sticks and having fun. I enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
-
Goodauthor, thank you so much :-) Brooke
-
You're welcome.
