Shafted
A 500 word short story33 total reviews
Comment from Linda Engel
Love a good story with a twist and purpose. Don't piss off your girlfriend whose daddy is a made man. If ya know they clean up messes keep ya mouth shut. great character build up with colorful personalities. good timing and dialog, well written. good luck, it a good one
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Love a good story with a twist and purpose. Don't piss off your girlfriend whose daddy is a made man. If ya know they clean up messes keep ya mouth shut. great character build up with colorful personalities. good timing and dialog, well written. good luck, it a good one
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Linda, I'm really pleased to know that you enjoyed it, my friend.:}
Comment from adewpearl
fun play on words with your title :-)
excellent use of dialogue to register intense emotion
good dramatic in media res opening
Wow, that conversation did not go well, did it? LOL
At least I'm not too upset he plummeted to his death since he was such an arrogant jerk, but I do feel sorry for Momma. :-)
Brooke
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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fun play on words with your title :-)
excellent use of dialogue to register intense emotion
good dramatic in media res opening
Wow, that conversation did not go well, did it? LOL
At least I'm not too upset he plummeted to his death since he was such an arrogant jerk, but I do feel sorry for Momma. :-)
Brooke
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Brooke. Yes, poor momma, an unwitting victim of circumstances, all brought about by her son's arrogant, braggadocios attitude. I have to admit, I too was glad to see Lionel plummet to his death. But, no stones can be left unturned in Elanor's line of work, I'm afraid.
I sincerely appreciate the kind review and excellent feedback.:]
Comment from gypsycaravan
That is totally clever. I never expected that Slim was not a man, but Eleanor. You did a great job and built the suspense up about 80 floors high. Congrats. Luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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That is totally clever. I never expected that Slim was not a man, but Eleanor. You did a great job and built the suspense up about 80 floors high. Congrats. Luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Thanks, gypsycaravan, I appreciate the feedback. So, it was that easy to figure out, huh? Well, the story that is currently winning the contest is a lot easier to figure out than mine, at least, LOL.
Thanks again! 8]
Comment from livelylinda
Author: six star worthy. This story is original, creative and scary. It held my attention from the beginning, expecting some disaster but not expecting this ending. Fabulous writing! A great contest contender. livelylinda
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Author: six star worthy. This story is original, creative and scary. It held my attention from the beginning, expecting some disaster but not expecting this ending. Fabulous writing! A great contest contender. livelylinda
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Thank you very much for your kind and complimentary review, Linda. I'm very happy you felt the story was "six star worthy". I hope you were entertained.
Comment from c_lucas
A run away Elevator can really hit rock bottom hard. It shatters one's imagination. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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A run away Elevator can really hit rock bottom hard. It shatters one's imagination. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Thanks very much, Charlie. I really appreciate the feedback.
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You are welcome.
Comment from a.w.brooks
A great story of how hitman are treated. But I did see a couple of mistakes take a look if they are suppose to be there then that is fine. But I enjoyed the story and everything about it...
"God knows everythin (everything)', bubba. But where you're goin'(going), it don't much matter."
to your mother about what it is they around do here (change to to your mother about what they do around here.)
and the image is not showing up need to fix that.......
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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A great story of how hitman are treated. But I did see a couple of mistakes take a look if they are suppose to be there then that is fine. But I enjoyed the story and everything about it...
"God knows everythin (everything)', bubba. But where you're goin'(going), it don't much matter."
to your mother about what it is they around do here (change to to your mother about what they do around here.)
and the image is not showing up need to fix that.......
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Thanks a million, Mr. Brooks. I will try to correct those errors right away. I appreciate the constructive feedback!
Comment from JM
Very interesting crime. I hate elevators and I remember the ones you're talking about. Clever take on the disguise.
Enjoyed story from beginning to end.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Very interesting crime. I hate elevators and I remember the ones you're talking about. Clever take on the disguise.
Enjoyed story from beginning to end.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Thanks, JM. I appreciatae it! :]
Comment from Pyrrho
Well, I did enjoy the pun and your narrative and dialog were spot on but the entire ride, so to speek, was a bit lacking in excitement as short fiction like this must be to make an impression.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Well, I did enjoy the pun and your narrative and dialog were spot on but the entire ride, so to speek, was a bit lacking in excitement as short fiction like this must be to make an impression.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Thanks for the feedback, Pyrrho, and I made some edits based on your review.
Comment from Acquired Taste
Terrific write - more like Night Gallery than Twilight Zone. Would love to have seen more about 'the company' but with word maximums it makes it crazy hard.
Good read. AT=/
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Terrific write - more like Night Gallery than Twilight Zone. Would love to have seen more about 'the company' but with word maximums it makes it crazy hard.
Good read. AT=/
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Thank you, Jean, and I loved Night Gallery, LOL.
I really appreciate the review, my dear friend.:)
Comment from GeraldS
Well as they say, it isn't the fall that'll kill you, it's the abrupt stop at the end. This is an interesting tale of a contract hit. Lionel must have really pissed off his father, unless he was actually working for Michael Corleone.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2014
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Well as they say, it isn't the fall that'll kill you, it's the abrupt stop at the end. This is an interesting tale of a contract hit. Lionel must have really pissed off his father, unless he was actually working for Michael Corleone.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2014
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Yep, that he did, Gerald. When daddy is involved in shady dealings, like murder for example, you just don't go blurting out your family's business to your girlfriend. It could be detrimental to your longevity in the relationship. Hard to love each other when you're dead, heh-heh...
Thanks for the review, my friend.:)
