Corn Dodger -- 2 of 2
Gold in the snowy mountains.34 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
So glad everything worked out for all I(at least for Dodger and Catlaw). Great descriptions and dynamite dialogue too. You are a wonderful story teller. I enjoyed this very much.
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So glad everything worked out for all I(at least for Dodger and Catlaw). Great descriptions and dynamite dialogue too. You are a wonderful story teller. I enjoyed this very much.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
Comment from christianpowers
Hi Lee,
Awesome little yarn you've spun here. It had pretty much everything I like in a story; adventure in the wilderness, a friendship born out of convenience and circumstance, a cat and mouse pursuit, a gun battle (with old fashioned firepower), a capable hero to root for and a whimsically absurd romantic comedy aspect that injected what could have been a somewhat grisly tale with the lighthearted fun it needed.
I've said it before and I'll repeat myself. You're a master storyteller. Thanks for posting such a treasure in this barren wasteland, my friend.
Have you considered screenplay writing and turning some of your gems into fodder for Hollywood? These one of a kind tales, with your knack for dialogue and bigger than life characters, would certainly sell if packaged right.
I'm more than curious about that. I've recently been dabbling in turning some of my stories into marketable material. Have you tried that?
Christian
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Hi Lee,
Awesome little yarn you've spun here. It had pretty much everything I like in a story; adventure in the wilderness, a friendship born out of convenience and circumstance, a cat and mouse pursuit, a gun battle (with old fashioned firepower), a capable hero to root for and a whimsically absurd romantic comedy aspect that injected what could have been a somewhat grisly tale with the lighthearted fun it needed.
I've said it before and I'll repeat myself. You're a master storyteller. Thanks for posting such a treasure in this barren wasteland, my friend.
Have you considered screenplay writing and turning some of your gems into fodder for Hollywood? These one of a kind tales, with your knack for dialogue and bigger than life characters, would certainly sell if packaged right.
I'm more than curious about that. I've recently been dabbling in turning some of my stories into marketable material. Have you tried that?
Christian
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much, Christian. I'd try my hand at screenwriting, but I prefer to 'direct' my own characters. To me, scripts are dry and lifeless.
I'd love to market my work, but I prefer to write rather than grovel for an agent's attention. I'll probably die unpublished. But I'll have written a lot. Thanks, Christian.
Peace, Lee
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What about a collaboration? See my pm...
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Your conclusion doesn't disappoint, Lee. A good, old-fashioned shoot-out, and a timely rescue by the blushing brides. Daisy Mae indeed! :D Nancy
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Your conclusion doesn't disappoint, Lee. A good, old-fashioned shoot-out, and a timely rescue by the blushing brides. Daisy Mae indeed! :D Nancy
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much, Nancy. I tried to keep the story a manageable length. But there's no reason I can't continue it. Daisy Mae. I couldn't resist. Want to know what it means in Injun-talk?
Thanks again, my friend. Peace, Lee
Comment from IndianaIrish
Yup, Part Two is perfect. The action and narration is so good because you give us the essential info and let our minds imagine the rest. the fight scene is great and I love Cat's sassy talk when he reaches Corn. Catlaw is one generous lady trader to give Joe a young one. But I suppose with three others, he wouldn't have the giddy up to,please the spunky ones. Loved the Daisy Mae reference,and I'm thinking under the blanket she might be sportin' short-shorts and an over-flowing polka dot halter top.
Smiles,
Indy :-)
btw, I bet you do get away with it!
If no one has mentioned it, paragraphs 3&4 have spacing issues.
Maybe you meant this, but lots of 'vermin' used for the bad guys. If not intended, maybe some varmints, snakes, or louts?
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Yup, Part Two is perfect. The action and narration is so good because you give us the essential info and let our minds imagine the rest. the fight scene is great and I love Cat's sassy talk when he reaches Corn. Catlaw is one generous lady trader to give Joe a young one. But I suppose with three others, he wouldn't have the giddy up to,please the spunky ones. Loved the Daisy Mae reference,and I'm thinking under the blanket she might be sportin' short-shorts and an over-flowing polka dot halter top.
Smiles,
Indy :-)
btw, I bet you do get away with it!
If no one has mentioned it, paragraphs 3&4 have spacing issues.
Maybe you meant this, but lots of 'vermin' used for the bad guys. If not intended, maybe some varmints, snakes, or louts?
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Thank you, Indy. Yes, rd mentioned something about spacing issues, too, but I'll be damned if I can find them. I've just been over paragraphs 3&4, and came up with bupkis.
I get what you mean about 'vermin'. I'll change a couple. But I don't want to get too 'writer-y' about this. These are Joe's thoughts mostly. He's likely to use the same term for them over and over. I know it's not first person, but I'm still trying to stay true to his way of thinking--not an author's way of thinking. But I know you have a point.
I'm going to have reread this thing and look for those spacing issues, and find a few vermin to eliminate.
Thanks for the careful read, Indy. Much appreciated.
Peace, Lee
Comment from rama devi
Ah yes, I can imagine a number of feminist readers will be stewin' over this one. lOl
Well penned--draws the reader into the scenes and, more impressively, into your protagonist's POV. Excellent deep POV narrative style that reveals both the eternal and internal landscapes vividly.
Great pacing.
Great dialog.
Satisfactory ending. (pun intended)
Notes, with a few minor nits:
For several hours(,) Joe pushed on, climbing an invisible trail known only to him.
* He turned onto his belly, snaked up one side of the ridge so he could scout down the other.
He turned onto his belly and snaked up one side of the ridge so he could scout down the other.
*Despite himself, Joe admired the clear mountain view for a while, (and) then skittered back down a ways and commenced to prepare for war.
* about as discouraging as he could get .
spacing typo
* This time(,) he counted ten,(comma optional) and considered it an accurate assessment.
* then scooted off the ridgeline
I think ridge line is two words...?
*in hopes of catching sight of the sharp-shooting weasel .
spacing typo
Actually--there are a numnber of spacing typos...so if you ever copy this for printing, you'll have to proof for them. for Fanstory--it does not matter much.
*
but I'll gladly kill him again (if) he was to oblige me by sittin' up, and presentin' me a more likely target."
LOL: He couldn't make logical sense of it, and wondered if he'd been a bit too hard on God. Had He helped him because he'd helped himself?
LOL-
"Burros is a whole lot scarcer than human females, Corn. And only mildly less comfortable."
Warmly,
rd
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Ah yes, I can imagine a number of feminist readers will be stewin' over this one. lOl
Well penned--draws the reader into the scenes and, more impressively, into your protagonist's POV. Excellent deep POV narrative style that reveals both the eternal and internal landscapes vividly.
Great pacing.
Great dialog.
Satisfactory ending. (pun intended)
Notes, with a few minor nits:
For several hours(,) Joe pushed on, climbing an invisible trail known only to him.
* He turned onto his belly, snaked up one side of the ridge so he could scout down the other.
He turned onto his belly and snaked up one side of the ridge so he could scout down the other.
*Despite himself, Joe admired the clear mountain view for a while, (and) then skittered back down a ways and commenced to prepare for war.
* about as discouraging as he could get .
spacing typo
* This time(,) he counted ten,(comma optional) and considered it an accurate assessment.
* then scooted off the ridgeline
I think ridge line is two words...?
*in hopes of catching sight of the sharp-shooting weasel .
spacing typo
Actually--there are a numnber of spacing typos...so if you ever copy this for printing, you'll have to proof for them. for Fanstory--it does not matter much.
*
but I'll gladly kill him again (if) he was to oblige me by sittin' up, and presentin' me a more likely target."
LOL: He couldn't make logical sense of it, and wondered if he'd been a bit too hard on God. Had He helped him because he'd helped himself?
LOL-
"Burros is a whole lot scarcer than human females, Corn. And only mildly less comfortable."
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
Comment from Nosha17
Guess he didn't do badly out of the deal. Great dialogue and well described stand off scene. Good use of descriptive language and enjoyable as always. Faye
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Guess he didn't do badly out of the deal. Great dialogue and well described stand off scene. Good use of descriptive language and enjoyable as always. Faye
Comment Written 25-Aug-2014
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This post reminded of a movie I say were the sniper quoted scripture before he shot somebody. Once again you did a great job of writing.
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This post reminded of a movie I say were the sniper quoted scripture before he shot somebody. Once again you did a great job of writing.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2014
Comment from royowen
Loved your follow up to story one, this was filled with great action! They sure are hard and calloused men! The female trading season is underway, and these guys think only of their stomachs! I enjoyed your well written story, you've done well with this style of writing, Lee, I enjoyed it immensely, well structured, articulate and absorbing, well defined and interesting characters, well done, well written, blessings, Roy.
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Loved your follow up to story one, this was filled with great action! They sure are hard and calloused men! The female trading season is underway, and these guys think only of their stomachs! I enjoyed your well written story, you've done well with this style of writing, Lee, I enjoyed it immensely, well structured, articulate and absorbing, well defined and interesting characters, well done, well written, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2014
Comment from Tatarka2
I'm not usually a fan of this genre, but I'm so glad I read this. To me, it's just about perfect. You stayed with the character and the time throughout, and the dialogue and the action worked well and together to make the piece flow. The character of Joe is developed in an intriguing way, making the reader want to know more about how he came to be here, and what will happen to him. Interestingly, even the killing worked within this story. It was a bit unexpected, coming as it did in the middle, and with such interesting lack of remorse and relatively mild reaction by Joe, who is apparently accustomed to such occurrences. Very well done.
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I'm not usually a fan of this genre, but I'm so glad I read this. To me, it's just about perfect. You stayed with the character and the time throughout, and the dialogue and the action worked well and together to make the piece flow. The character of Joe is developed in an intriguing way, making the reader want to know more about how he came to be here, and what will happen to him. Interestingly, even the killing worked within this story. It was a bit unexpected, coming as it did in the middle, and with such interesting lack of remorse and relatively mild reaction by Joe, who is apparently accustomed to such occurrences. Very well done.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2014
Comment from AAud
I enjoyed the conclusion. This was a quick, exciting read. You had good tension with the shoot-out. And as always, awesome dialog. Your voice stayed true throughout both installments.
Even your author notes are funny! Great job!
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I enjoyed the conclusion. This was a quick, exciting read. You had good tension with the shoot-out. And as always, awesome dialog. Your voice stayed true throughout both installments.
Even your author notes are funny! Great job!
Comment Written 25-Aug-2014
