Texas Dream Catcher
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "CHAPTER CINCO, PART UNO"Drug & human trafficking, can romance win?
48 total reviews
Comment from drivenbackward
Ironically, the notes below are for the previous chapter:
A long silence ensued, before Soni said, -- No need for first comma.
If you're found with drugs not only do you have legal problems, you've automatically lost your job -- Comma after 'drugs'
Are there any questions or comments?" -- Check spacing. This is on a separate line for some reason.
Ben raised his hand and after Soni acknowledged him, he asked, -- Period after 'him'. Clear he is speaker.
As far as this chapter goes, deleting several actions and speech tags surrounding dialogue might help the pace a little, but your call. Still a good chapter.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Ironically, the notes below are for the previous chapter:
A long silence ensued, before Soni said, -- No need for first comma.
If you're found with drugs not only do you have legal problems, you've automatically lost your job -- Comma after 'drugs'
Are there any questions or comments?" -- Check spacing. This is on a separate line for some reason.
Ben raised his hand and after Soni acknowledged him, he asked, -- Period after 'him'. Clear he is speaker.
As far as this chapter goes, deleting several actions and speech tags surrounding dialogue might help the pace a little, but your call. Still a good chapter.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this helpful review. I will do some rereading.
Comment from angelface2
good chapter, Barbara. Glad you made Miguel wait. He's being way to forward to Soni!~ I'm an old-fashioned girl! I hope she makes a go of this ranch. Glad her grandfather is still around to help. Miss Sally
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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good chapter, Barbara. Glad you made Miguel wait. He's being way to forward to Soni!~ I'm an old-fashioned girl! I hope she makes a go of this ranch. Glad her grandfather is still around to help. Miss Sally
Comment Written 24-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from judiverse
This is great. Great dialogue in this. You do an excellent job of characterizing Soni. She is earning the respect of the men despite her youth. She comes across as very thoughtful. Interesting idea of color-coding the locations that the men will be supervising. She is wise to be cautious, because it looks as if there are some people who don't have the best of intentions about the ranch. Even though she doesn't know what, exactly, she's going to be prepared. She's probably right to avoid any further involvement with Miguel. He sounds like a loser. Cute business with the horse eating the tomatoes. At last Jim is heard from. Maybe he'll explain himself. judi
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014
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This is great. Great dialogue in this. You do an excellent job of characterizing Soni. She is earning the respect of the men despite her youth. She comes across as very thoughtful. Interesting idea of color-coding the locations that the men will be supervising. She is wise to be cautious, because it looks as if there are some people who don't have the best of intentions about the ranch. Even though she doesn't know what, exactly, she's going to be prepared. She's probably right to avoid any further involvement with Miguel. He sounds like a loser. Cute business with the horse eating the tomatoes. At last Jim is heard from. Maybe he'll explain himself. judi
Comment Written 24-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014
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Midnight will get himself into trouble. Thank you for the wonderful review.
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You're so welcome. Animals are always a plus in a story, at least to me. judi
Comment from Dawn Munro
"Where do you hear this stuff from?" << incorrect grammar = ends with a preposition - suggest dropping the 'from' completely or re-phrasing - "From where do you her this stuff?"
As always, Barbara, it's well=paced, believable and enjoyable. Your characters don't NEED re-defining - they're plenty 'rich' in each chapter.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014
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"Where do you hear this stuff from?" << incorrect grammar = ends with a preposition - suggest dropping the 'from' completely or re-phrasing - "From where do you her this stuff?"
As always, Barbara, it's well=paced, believable and enjoyable. Your characters don't NEED re-defining - they're plenty 'rich' in each chapter.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014
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In dialogue I think they would say it that way, not grammatically correct. Thank you for the kind review.
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I would say, "Where do you hear this stuff?" myself, but then it's up to you, of course.
I'm only offering the best review I can when I make a suggestion, Barb - it's not meant to offend you.
You are welcome.
Comment from Sasha
Very nice work with this one. I think it is one of the best chapters yet. You really got my curiosity going and filled me with lots of questions I am sure will be answered as we go along. Great work with this one. I look forward to the next.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014
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Very nice work with this one. I think it is one of the best chapters yet. You really got my curiosity going and filled me with lots of questions I am sure will be answered as we go along. Great work with this one. I look forward to the next.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014
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Thank you for the kind review. I hope you're mostly healed.
Comment from Sankey
Another good chapter. Can see a lot of study into Indian ways through here. Thanks again. I am getting ready to put out my book again for more reviews it has been rearranged in a more sequential order according to when events occurred. You will be surprised aty how I have moved stuff around. have scored a whole bunch of new friends from the Mikey I likey poem and the Tribute I did to Robin Williams. Two spags I think
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Jose laughed. "Look, she color coded them." (Line jump or?)
"We'll get to know we (each)other slowly as we have been."
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014
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Another good chapter. Can see a lot of study into Indian ways through here. Thanks again. I am getting ready to put out my book again for more reviews it has been rearranged in a more sequential order according to when events occurred. You will be surprised aty how I have moved stuff around. have scored a whole bunch of new friends from the Mikey I likey poem and the Tribute I did to Robin Williams. Two spags I think
"
Jose laughed. "Look, she color coded them." (Line jump or?)
"We'll get to know we (each)other slowly as we have been."
Comment Written 24-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014
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Thank you very much for the catch. I had changed that line and still didn't get it right. Again, thank you.
Comment from lindalcreel
I sure don't trust this guy Migurl and Soni would be smart not to either. At least her grandfather has already spoken his peace. I am really leaning towards this Miguel being involved in the drug trafficking. Maybe he knows a lot about Jim because his men have taken two shots at him already. Soni is on more danger than she knows. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I think Miguel wants the ranch and that's why he's coz ting up to her. She needs to give him the boot and fast.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014
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I sure don't trust this guy Migurl and Soni would be smart not to either. At least her grandfather has already spoken his peace. I am really leaning towards this Miguel being involved in the drug trafficking. Maybe he knows a lot about Jim because his men have taken two shots at him already. Soni is on more danger than she knows. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I think Miguel wants the ranch and that's why he's coz ting up to her. She needs to give him the boot and fast.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and the leaving this kind review.
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My pleasure.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi Barb,
Miguel is getting on my nerves. Just sayin'. Love the end hook.
Just found some typos below...
~ Your quotation marks at the end of this sentence went astray into the next line. ~ Search and you'll find.(*-*) ~
"Everyone in this room is in charge of one of the areas I've designated with a pin.
~ Stray quotation marks again. ~
I just need time away from people.
~ Typo ~ []delete ()add
"We'll get to know [we](each) other slowly as we have been."
Should get interesting with Jim awake and doing well.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*-*)
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014
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Hi Barb,
Miguel is getting on my nerves. Just sayin'. Love the end hook.
Just found some typos below...
~ Your quotation marks at the end of this sentence went astray into the next line. ~ Search and you'll find.(*-*) ~
"Everyone in this room is in charge of one of the areas I've designated with a pin.
~ Stray quotation marks again. ~
I just need time away from people.
~ Typo ~ []delete ()add
"We'll get to know [we](each) other slowly as we have been."
Should get interesting with Jim awake and doing well.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*-*)
Comment Written 24-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014
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Thank you for the catch. I have fixed those little stinkers.
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Sometimes it's so easy for other people to find our little boo boos. I think we just get so glued to it that we just stop seeing the typos.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
I don't like Miguel either. He's creepy.
Good post, Barbara. You're building atmosphere and intrigue nicely.
I do have a few comments for your consideration:
"Each area has some kind of natural boundaries on two or three sides in which you can herd the livestock into so they're protected. - This sentence needs work, I think. The singular/plural context isn't quite right here, for starters. I think 'boundaries' should be singular for it to read correctly. Or lose 'some kind of' as in - "Each area has natural boundaries on two or three...etc. then I would suggest you also delete 'into' since you say 'in which' .
Rochin' A's
As Miguel('s) eyes() met Soni's,
Hope this helps!
Av
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014
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I don't like Miguel either. He's creepy.
Good post, Barbara. You're building atmosphere and intrigue nicely.
I do have a few comments for your consideration:
"Each area has some kind of natural boundaries on two or three sides in which you can herd the livestock into so they're protected. - This sentence needs work, I think. The singular/plural context isn't quite right here, for starters. I think 'boundaries' should be singular for it to read correctly. Or lose 'some kind of' as in - "Each area has natural boundaries on two or three...etc. then I would suggest you also delete 'into' since you say 'in which' .
Rochin' A's
As Miguel('s) eyes() met Soni's,
Hope this helps!
Av
Comment Written 24-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014
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Thank you for the catches. I obviously didn't edit like I should. I appreciate the help.
Comment from AAud
I like the opening of this installment and how Soni takes control. The meeting demonstrates how confident Soni is and also shows her integrity. The dialog did a great job showing the characters.
Correction to: "We'll get to know we other slowly as we have been." ("We'll get to know each other...")
When Miguel announces to her grandfather that he and Soni are dating, my mouth dropped open. I do not trust that guy. LOL But that seemed like too big of a statement to pass over so quickly. I was surprised we didn't get a quick glimpse into Soni's thoughts or maybe an eye-roll. It wasn't until later that she tells her grandfather they aren't dating. I guess I can understand that she wouldn't want to say something out loud when Miguel was still standing there, but just a little something, maybe she'd bite her lip. It just felt like the moment went by too quickly, when Miguel suddenly changes the subject to knife throwing.
There was no tag, so I wasn't sure who said this: "Soni's already invited us for Friday night's celebration. We're planning to attend." Maybe add a tag so there is no confusion.
I like how you ended the post. I'm looking forward to the exchange between Soni and Jim.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014
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I like the opening of this installment and how Soni takes control. The meeting demonstrates how confident Soni is and also shows her integrity. The dialog did a great job showing the characters.
Correction to: "We'll get to know we other slowly as we have been." ("We'll get to know each other...")
When Miguel announces to her grandfather that he and Soni are dating, my mouth dropped open. I do not trust that guy. LOL But that seemed like too big of a statement to pass over so quickly. I was surprised we didn't get a quick glimpse into Soni's thoughts or maybe an eye-roll. It wasn't until later that she tells her grandfather they aren't dating. I guess I can understand that she wouldn't want to say something out loud when Miguel was still standing there, but just a little something, maybe she'd bite her lip. It just felt like the moment went by too quickly, when Miguel suddenly changes the subject to knife throwing.
There was no tag, so I wasn't sure who said this: "Soni's already invited us for Friday night's celebration. We're planning to attend." Maybe add a tag so there is no confusion.
I like how you ended the post. I'm looking forward to the exchange between Soni and Jim.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review. I'll check those areas.
