<3 " thoughtscapes" by Noni <3
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "The Day"A book of poetry, quotes and short stories
5 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
Very nice and I loved the words and the picture. Wondering if you meant to Center it or something? Good work anyway and no spags. Thanks a lot.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Very nice and I loved the words and the picture. Wondering if you meant to Center it or something? Good work anyway and no spags. Thanks a lot.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Thank you Sankey...It just turned out that way :)
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hi Annie,
Wow! I really enjoyed the detail you portrayed through this write. Of course, it might help that it's early in the morning here in Calif, the coffee just finished perking and the sun has not yet risen, lol. However, none of those things detract from the excellent delivery in this chapter.
You touch on the emotions of every loving parent, although every parent needs some down time. I enjoyed the way you summarized the day, with all the commotion involved, and brought us back to the evening time of sanity, lol. Great way to finish the write... ZZZZZZZing off to dream land.
I appreciated this snapshot of a day and its insightful look at a moment in life, well done.
All my best, Bill
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Hi Annie,
Wow! I really enjoyed the detail you portrayed through this write. Of course, it might help that it's early in the morning here in Calif, the coffee just finished perking and the sun has not yet risen, lol. However, none of those things detract from the excellent delivery in this chapter.
You touch on the emotions of every loving parent, although every parent needs some down time. I enjoyed the way you summarized the day, with all the commotion involved, and brought us back to the evening time of sanity, lol. Great way to finish the write... ZZZZZZZing off to dream land.
I appreciated this snapshot of a day and its insightful look at a moment in life, well done.
All my best, Bill
Comment Written 23-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Bill, I truly write for my own enjoyment...sometimes very simply, like this little one...I'll probably read it to my granddaughter someday when she's maybe 3 months old, Lol. But I've always felt the need to write my feelings as far back as I can remember. But I am very glad you took the time to read this small piece. Thank you Bill, Take care and enjoy you're weekend also...I'm on the East coast
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Well, that's the best way to write. If you're not happy with your work, what's the point. I used to try and tailor pieces for the magazine in which I was submitting work. Wasted time... Write what you know, if you've talent, you'll grow...lol.
Hope all is well out your direction. I saw where they're expecting three to six inches of snow in Montana and North Dakota today...you've gotta' be kidding me! Hope we don't get too early of a winter...B
Comment from DerivedBetter
I enjoyed this. The descriptions were well written and I could actually picture all of this in my minds eye. You managed to convey this pre morning peace very well. One thing that I would change though is this line "the stone fireplace mantle in the kitchen and where the smell". You talk about the kitchen which really makes the "and where" a little out of place. In my mind this works a little better- and the clock ticking over the fireplace mantle in the kitchen where the smell of fresh cofee...
Anyway, just a small suggestion. Keep up the great work and definitely keep on writing!
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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I enjoyed this. The descriptions were well written and I could actually picture all of this in my minds eye. You managed to convey this pre morning peace very well. One thing that I would change though is this line "the stone fireplace mantle in the kitchen and where the smell". You talk about the kitchen which really makes the "and where" a little out of place. In my mind this works a little better- and the clock ticking over the fireplace mantle in the kitchen where the smell of fresh cofee...
Anyway, just a small suggestion. Keep up the great work and definitely keep on writing!
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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Thank you for reading and your feedback, I was a little stuck on that myself...I may go back and use your advice. I've always written as a form of relaxation, have a great weekend DerivedBetter!
Comment from drivenbackward
Hi, Annie. Not a deep poem, but I don't think it's intended to be. It's a lot of fun to read, and I thank you for that. I can also relate, as I'm sure many others can as well. Relating to readers is so key.
a train whistle blowing it's warning in the distance -- its (possessive)
the smell of fresh coffee will soon bring it's strong aroma to my -- "
tucked in tight....Zzzzzzz -- Ellipsis is only three dots ... with a space on each side.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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Hi, Annie. Not a deep poem, but I don't think it's intended to be. It's a lot of fun to read, and I thank you for that. I can also relate, as I'm sure many others can as well. Relating to readers is so key.
a train whistle blowing it's warning in the distance -- its (possessive)
the smell of fresh coffee will soon bring it's strong aroma to my -- "
tucked in tight....Zzzzzzz -- Ellipsis is only three dots ... with a space on each side.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much!! And you are correct, I wanted it simple with no in between...just the before and after. And thanks so much for reading and the feedback!!...have a great weekend...Lol
Comment from lakeport
The day, indeed some days are better than others, that's a very heartfelt expressed poem. I enjoyed reading it, God bless you.lakeport.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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The day, indeed some days are better than others, that's a very heartfelt expressed poem. I enjoyed reading it, God bless you.lakeport.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much...because days are different I didn't write any in between lines. I haven't been on this site in awhile, I forgot how much writing relaxes me, Lol...God bless
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your welcome.Lakeport.
