Bel Air: A Bard's Guide
Viewing comments for Chapter 42 "The Money Trail, Cave Living"Sequel to The Bard of Bel Air.
13 total reviews
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, seems The Bard is a crazy genius. Diverting the kids attention to humor and something kids of all ages never seem to tire of-flatulence. Great suspense as to how they'll find food or escape. Great cliff-hanger. :0 GracieAnn
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Mikey, seems The Bard is a crazy genius. Diverting the kids attention to humor and something kids of all ages never seem to tire of-flatulence. Great suspense as to how they'll find food or escape. Great cliff-hanger. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 25-Aug-2014
Comment from Nosha17
That was an exciting chapter, and Barry left in pursuit of the Sergeant with the money. I am sure they are going to find a way out of the mine, only a matter of time. Good humour and light-hearted reading. Enjoyable as always. Faye
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That was an exciting chapter, and Barry left in pursuit of the Sergeant with the money. I am sure they are going to find a way out of the mine, only a matter of time. Good humour and light-hearted reading. Enjoyable as always. Faye
Comment Written 24-Aug-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
Great fast paced chapter as Barry realizes what has taken place and takes off after the money. The Bard is wonderful with the kids. Classic way he handles them.
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Great fast paced chapter as Barry realizes what has taken place and takes off after the money. The Bard is wonderful with the kids. Classic way he handles them.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2014
Comment from l.raven
OMG Michael...farting in a cave...what next...but ya just have to love Bard....he makes the kids laugh...ok now lets see what happens....with Barry and Susan ...not moving...very well written you...ya know I love it...Love Linda xxoo luff
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OMG Michael...farting in a cave...what next...but ya just have to love Bard....he makes the kids laugh...ok now lets see what happens....with Barry and Susan ...not moving...very well written you...ya know I love it...Love Linda xxoo luff
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
Comment from drivenbackward
Another strong chapter, Mikey. You're a good storyteller. No doubt about it. Below are just suggestions:
Three men and a woman were busy setting explosives at the mines entrance -- Three men and a woman moved with a hastened pace setting up explosives at the mine's entrance. (IMO)
"He's gone sir." -- Comma after 'gone'
giant excited kid, speaking with an echo, when they responded. -- Would read better without 'when they responded'
Dirt rained down on everyone from the ceiling and the sound of old wood creaking under the strain of tons of earth and stone was both deafening and frightening in its implications of being buried alive -- Consider comma after 'ceiling'
"Please King Lethal Ass; -- Funny!
Great part with the racecar.
Tenaya spoke. -- This seems out of the blue. You could do this: "There are air holes everywhere," Tenaya said. "But, we haven't found..."
Fluffy seemed excited. -- Showing this would read stronger.
They all laughed at that. -- No need for 'at that'
"I think that a rescue attempt is likely -- Would sound a little more realistic without 'that'
The entertainment committee" -- Missing punctuation. Consider an ellipsis here if followed by an action. Then: She pointed to the Bard. "Is his best friend."
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Another strong chapter, Mikey. You're a good storyteller. No doubt about it. Below are just suggestions:
Three men and a woman were busy setting explosives at the mines entrance -- Three men and a woman moved with a hastened pace setting up explosives at the mine's entrance. (IMO)
"He's gone sir." -- Comma after 'gone'
giant excited kid, speaking with an echo, when they responded. -- Would read better without 'when they responded'
Dirt rained down on everyone from the ceiling and the sound of old wood creaking under the strain of tons of earth and stone was both deafening and frightening in its implications of being buried alive -- Consider comma after 'ceiling'
"Please King Lethal Ass; -- Funny!
Great part with the racecar.
Tenaya spoke. -- This seems out of the blue. You could do this: "There are air holes everywhere," Tenaya said. "But, we haven't found..."
Fluffy seemed excited. -- Showing this would read stronger.
They all laughed at that. -- No need for 'at that'
"I think that a rescue attempt is likely -- Would sound a little more realistic without 'that'
The entertainment committee" -- Missing punctuation. Consider an ellipsis here if followed by an action. Then: She pointed to the Bard. "Is his best friend."
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
Comment from Loren (7)
I did stumble over this line: "Barry ran to his office. He noticed the pain in his right leg, but ignored it. Dammit, he has the money. Not once did his dead girlfriend enter his mind" Mainly because that last sentence seemed like an author's intrusion. But maybe it was just me reading it wrong. I do like the Bard and the way you are personifying him and his personality with his dialogue. Sounds like a good fellow. Loren
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I did stumble over this line: "Barry ran to his office. He noticed the pain in his right leg, but ignored it. Dammit, he has the money. Not once did his dead girlfriend enter his mind" Mainly because that last sentence seemed like an author's intrusion. But maybe it was just me reading it wrong. I do like the Bard and the way you are personifying him and his personality with his dialogue. Sounds like a good fellow. Loren
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the story. The front entrance is not blocked off. That means the FBI can come that way. The group is still exploring for a way out. They have two people that can keep the children calm. Barry and Petticoat are off the base. I think extra help is coming and the enemy is not as dangerous as it was. Great work.
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I love the story. The front entrance is not blocked off. That means the FBI can come that way. The group is still exploring for a way out. They have two people that can keep the children calm. Barry and Petticoat are off the base. I think extra help is coming and the enemy is not as dangerous as it was. Great work.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Michael: You have a very creative mind and make us laugh with the farts. I like the gold ghost story and the kids sticking together. I am glad that there is hope getting out. Who are your readers, youth?
flylikeaneagle
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Michael: You have a very creative mind and make us laugh with the farts. I like the gold ghost story and the kids sticking together. I am glad that there is hope getting out. Who are your readers, youth?
flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
SO Susan is dead! I wonder if Angela will miss her. And the kids are trapped with the Bard being their way out? If I were one of those kids, I'd wet my pants. LOL! :)
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SO Susan is dead! I wonder if Angela will miss her. And the kids are trapped with the Bard being their way out? If I were one of those kids, I'd wet my pants. LOL! :)
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
Comment from seaglass
I love the name, Sgt. Petticoat. Can you imagine the teasing you would endure, growing up. Wore than a boy named Sue.
It's good that Gary could make one wise move, stopping the mine blow up.
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I love the name, Sgt. Petticoat. Can you imagine the teasing you would endure, growing up. Wore than a boy named Sue.
It's good that Gary could make one wise move, stopping the mine blow up.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
