Comment from sgalletti

Excellent

Great entry in the sonnet contest Steve! Good iambic pentameter (although the 3rd line in the first stanza was a bit awkward for me - and I love enjambment!). Nice rhymes. Clever message. Good turn in the 3rd stanza and nice summary in the closing couplet. Good luck! Sue

 Comment Written 22-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014

Thanks, Sue.

I appreciate your thoughts on this.

Steve

Comment from rhymelord

Excellent

Dear Steve,
Excellent rendition as always and I would disappointed otherwise. Intriguing and challenging in the surmise that even the worst of us have a good side.
Regards
Reg

 Comment Written 22-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014

Thanks, Reg.

It is an idea that percolates away in my brain. I will find the perfect way to get it out one of these days.

Steve

Comment from GracieAnn

Excellent

kiwi, this is powerfully and intelligently written with insights into a sociopathic mindset. How they can compartmentalize their lives is simply evil. Well written with a moral to the story. :0 GracieAnn

 Comment Written 22-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014

Thanks, GracieAnn.

It is an idea that fascinates me.

Steve

Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

Wow, You give us something to think about. The rotten drug dealer who is so unfeeling and uncaring for the life of his fellow man, and then his switch to the kind and loving father and husband. Hyde and Jekyll for certain.

Excellent iambic meter and expertly preformed turn in the third quatrain. Very well done. It looks like a strong entry to me. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014

Thanks for the kind words - I am not so sure about how this one will perform.

Steve

Comment from Goodauthor

Excellent

This is a well written poem. Your observance of good grammar enhances the flow of the work, and tells a coherent story. It also accentuates your message. Too many times the people who govern are double-dealing hypocrites.I enjoyed the read.
Linda

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014

Hi, Linda, and welcome to FanStory.

Thanks for the review and the kind words.

Steve

reply by Goodauthor on 24-Aug-2014

You're welcome.

Comment from giovannimariatommaso

Excellent

An interesting comparison; done well. I like the way you juxtaposed them within the sonnet. Follows form & rhymes nicely. I didn't see any spelling or grammatical errors.

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014

Thank you, GMT

Steve

Comment from Loren (7)

Excellent

I'm still reading Sonnets to get a feel for them and learning from such masters of the craft of yourself. Since I can't really speak technically about the piece, I can say I found the theme contemporary surprising in a good way. The rhyme was to drawer, too. Loren

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014

Thanks, Loren.

Just trying a slightly different approach here with a more contemporary piece.

Steve

Comment from Kenneth Schaal

Excellent

For my two-bits worth, exceptional sonneteering. A no frills work of modern art (in a classic sonnet format) that gives us a quick peek into the working life of the modern? --thug. I'm reminded of the interview a few years ago with the 'Iceman', a professional hit-man. I combed it for meter--a couple of times, reads good. Good luck. Kenny

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014

Thanks, Kenny.

The Jekyll and Hyde theme intrigues me - I know the idea is true - that good and evil can exist within the same person...

Steve

reply by Kenneth Schaal on 24-Aug-2014

I'll vouch for that idea. My mother was an excellent example of the polar ideologies existing within one person. Most of us do good and bad indiscriminately, so it's a popular religious concept as well as a physiological one. Richard Leonard Kuklinski was able to keep it separate, compartmentalize it, like the subject of your sonnet. That is true evil--double dippin' evil.

Comment from Just2Write

Excellent

A different type of contest than most Sonnets, Steve - but the message is crystal clear.

The drug-dealer makes his money on a user-pay system (great double entendre, by the way) then goes home to the wife and kids as though he's the same as every other dad in town. Hope not, because then someone would be workin' his kids to get them hooked up on drugs.)

The Sonnet works well, brilliantly in many ways, but I did have a bit of a problem with the meter on line 3, when it started with the end word for line 2. To my eye, even though it is correct stressing, it breaks the flow of thought. I loved the turn at line 9. Great work here.
Rose.

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014

Thanks, Rose - yes, it is different and I'm not holding high hopes for it in the contest, but I just had to get it out there.

I know what you mean about the enjambment in line 2/3 - trying to be too clever perhaps...

Steve

Comment from Irish Rain

Excellent

Split personalities...my sister had one. And you were never really sure who you'd be dealing with...wonderful sonnet entry, I like the realistic descriptions! Blessings...Judy

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014

Thanks, Judy - glad you liked this.

Split personality isn't quite the right term to describe what I had in mind - more that good and evil can co-exist within one person. SP suggests that the person has no control over it...

Steve

reply by Irish Rain on 24-Aug-2014

You're right... think it co-exists in everyone...wonderful poem!