Day Off (Part-1)
First day off in a month, Bob heads for the beach49 total reviews
Comment from High Wire Girl
It took me a few minutes to get into the groove of the story. But once I did, I really became interested in the characters and where their behaviors were headed.
If I may suggest, some of the sentences of dialog can be trimmed and divided more efficiently.
I'd like to know where this story is going.
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reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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It took me a few minutes to get into the groove of the story. But once I did, I really became interested in the characters and where their behaviors were headed.
If I may suggest, some of the sentences of dialog can be trimmed and divided more efficiently.
I'd like to know where this story is going.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Part one of this story is used to set up part two. I cut it into parts for reader's convenience, so that they would be rewarded handsomely without having to read too much. Thanks for reading, and I would appreciate any input you can offer that might help readers get into the grove from the beginning.
Comment from J Patience
What a way for a day off to start! A pretty girl and a man on vacation: recipe for possibilities. This is well written and doesn't distract me from the plot at all. I read the whole thing through and appreciated what you were conveying about the funny, "twitterpated" cop. What a dope. Hopefully Bob is smoother than that.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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What a way for a day off to start! A pretty girl and a man on vacation: recipe for possibilities. This is well written and doesn't distract me from the plot at all. I read the whole thing through and appreciated what you were conveying about the funny, "twitterpated" cop. What a dope. Hopefully Bob is smoother than that.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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LOL. Yes, lets hope that Bob is smoother than the stumbling, bumbling cop. Thanks so much for taking time to read the first part of my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I hope you enjoy part two. I plan to post it Saturday or Monday. :-)
Comment from padumachitta
Hey. This is a good story...it needs the other part...don't worry about the length...it will get read.
I enjoyed the tale...
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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Hey. This is a good story...it needs the other part...don't worry about the length...it will get read.
I enjoyed the tale...
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much for taking time to read the first part of my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I hope you like the second part. :-)
Comment from Muffins
I'm curious about part two. I can tell that something is going to happen between them. Some people met by bumping into each other on the streets, but these two took it to a new level
The action starts immediately grabbing the reader's attention. All three characters are well develop. The cop through Bob's eyes is comical without being a stereotype.
In the second half, we need to know Bob's age and a bit of his background. A great start.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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I'm curious about part two. I can tell that something is going to happen between them. Some people met by bumping into each other on the streets, but these two took it to a new level
The action starts immediately grabbing the reader's attention. All three characters are well develop. The cop through Bob's eyes is comical without being a stereotype.
In the second half, we need to know Bob's age and a bit of his background. A great start.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much for taking time to read the first part of my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I hope you like part two and it fills in some of the voids for you. :-)
Comment from mikemagine
LOL! "Smiling like the Tidy Bowl man"! What a story! LOL: maybe in part 2 Bob'll get a nice neck rub?! The police officer was a trip - pun intended. I could clearly see him, and he reminded me of a bumbling DI in the service!
Lots of action, humor, and the pacing's excellent!!
Mike
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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LOL! "Smiling like the Tidy Bowl man"! What a story! LOL: maybe in part 2 Bob'll get a nice neck rub?! The police officer was a trip - pun intended. I could clearly see him, and he reminded me of a bumbling DI in the service!
Lots of action, humor, and the pacing's excellent!!
Mike
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much, Mike, for taking time to read the first part of my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. It was so tempting not to have the cop bust his butt, sprawled out on the sidewalk as everyone laughed. :-)
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This is a very fun read, Ric!!
Mike
Comment from CHIGYSISKI
NICE STORY. AND NICE FRIENDLY ENDING TO A PRETTY STICKY SITUATION. T READ THE STORY WITH ANTICIPATION HOPING IT WOULD NOT END WITH ONE PERSON OR THE OTHER DEAD. I LIKE THE CRYPT DESCRIPTION OF THE SCENERY. IT DEFINITELY MADE AN INTERESTING READ! WELL DONE!!
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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NICE STORY. AND NICE FRIENDLY ENDING TO A PRETTY STICKY SITUATION. T READ THE STORY WITH ANTICIPATION HOPING IT WOULD NOT END WITH ONE PERSON OR THE OTHER DEAD. I LIKE THE CRYPT DESCRIPTION OF THE SCENERY. IT DEFINITELY MADE AN INTERESTING READ! WELL DONE!!
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much for taking time to read the first part of my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I hope you will like part two, to be posted on Saturday, as well. :-)
Comment from chasennov
First day off in a month, Bob heads for the beach "Day Off (Part-1)" You're absolutely right about stories being to long for FS readers. I found that too. But this story of yours was quite good. Well done.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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First day off in a month, Bob heads for the beach "Day Off (Part-1)" You're absolutely right about stories being to long for FS readers. I found that too. But this story of yours was quite good. Well done.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much for taking time to read the first part of my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
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You are more than welcome.
Comment from c_lucas
The pains a guy must endure to get a luncheon date. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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The pains a guy must endure to get a luncheon date. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much, Charlie, for taking time to read the first part of my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
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You're welcome, Ric. Charlie.
Comment from GracieAnn
Rid, this is well written, my friend. Ease of read, believable dialogue and the actions of the players-especially the cop. LOL. Kind of a serendipity day in a weird way. I liked it. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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Rid, this is well written, my friend. Ease of read, believable dialogue and the actions of the players-especially the cop. LOL. Kind of a serendipity day in a weird way. I liked it. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much for taking time to read the first part of my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from lludlow
Already looking forward to part 2.
In the first para. you have "dazed and confused". Cliché--you can do better.
We know that the woman is pretty, in her 30's or 40's. What about Bob? Same age? Older? Younger? Would love to know more about him. But maybe that's in part 2?
Eagerly awaiting more.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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Already looking forward to part 2.
In the first para. you have "dazed and confused". Cliché--you can do better.
We know that the woman is pretty, in her 30's or 40's. What about Bob? Same age? Older? Younger? Would love to know more about him. But maybe that's in part 2?
Eagerly awaiting more.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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Thank you for taking time to read the first part of my story. Your kind words, generous review, and suggestions are greatly appreciated. :-)
