Day Off (Part-1)
First day off in a month, Bob heads for the beach49 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
It does seem odd that he would turn down a going over by the EMT my spidey senses are tingling. I sense he is a bad'un as "Ma" might have said.
You write well and I could be completely wrong of course. Karen
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2024
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It does seem odd that he would turn down a going over by the EMT my spidey senses are tingling. I sense he is a bad'un as "Ma" might have said.
You write well and I could be completely wrong of course. Karen
Comment Written 06-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2024
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Thanks for going back to read another of of my old pieces that offer nothing in return. I liked this story when I wrote it, but I like to think that I've improved enough now that I could make it a lot better, if I would take the time. Thanks bunches for reading, and most of all for making me smile. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from lyenochka
Poor Bob! That's a terrible way to start a vacation at the beach. It's good that officer didn't ask Libby on a date first. Anyway, I sure hope Libby didn't intentionally rear-end Bob's BMW for some ulterior motive!
I liked the Dr. Seuss reference. And your opening description of the accident used all kinds of poetic devices: "Tires squealed as the minivan slammed the rear of his BMW with the force of a tank and the crunch of metal combined" (Personification, metaphor, onomatopoeia!)
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Poor Bob! That's a terrible way to start a vacation at the beach. It's good that officer didn't ask Libby on a date first. Anyway, I sure hope Libby didn't intentionally rear-end Bob's BMW for some ulterior motive!
I liked the Dr. Seuss reference. And your opening description of the accident used all kinds of poetic devices: "Tires squealed as the minivan slammed the rear of his BMW with the force of a tank and the crunch of metal combined" (Personification, metaphor, onomatopoeia!)
Comment Written 15-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much, Helen, for taking time out to read another story part that offers you nothing in return. I have to laugh when you say I'm using poetic devices, when I don't know the first thing about poetry or devices or what personification, metaphor, or onomatopoeia are. LOL. I appreciate YOU, your writing, reviews, and whatever communication we have every day! HUGS
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Just pointing out that you do know the them. 💞
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LOL. Yes, I guess I know things I didn't even know I did. :-)
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Yes, that's what makes you a great writer to read! You actually use poetic devices. We use all the categories on fanstory in our writing.
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Lord, another miracle!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Twenty miles from the beach, what a time to crash.
Amazing how pissed off some drivers become at anything, crashes included, that slows them down.
Officer should not have given her his personal cell number.
Unique way to start off a budding romance having lunch with the person who crashed into you.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
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Twenty miles from the beach, what a time to crash.
Amazing how pissed off some drivers become at anything, crashes included, that slows them down.
Officer should not have given her his personal cell number.
Unique way to start off a budding romance having lunch with the person who crashed into you.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
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Thank you so much, Brett, for your extra special six-star review and kind words. Yes, you never know when an old boy might get lucky . . . or unlucky and it sometimes turns out. LOL. And yes, an officer who gives out his personal cell number wouldn't be smart, but I saw it happen with my own eyes, and was as amazed as you were it happened. Now the big question is was he being helpful, or jeopardizing his own safety for a bonus. LOL. Thanks for going back to read my old stuff. It's always greatly appreciated! Happy New Year, my friend!
Comment from Fridayauthor
So far, so good. I'm taking your advice and going on to read part two. That being said, I'll hold any review until I finish. I will say, I'm enjoying your posting. My only questions is why the officer didn't write out a citation.
Thanks!
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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So far, so good. I'm taking your advice and going on to read part two. That being said, I'll hold any review until I finish. I will say, I'm enjoying your posting. My only questions is why the officer didn't write out a citation.
Thanks!
Comment Written 23-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much for taking time to read the first part of my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. In my first draft I had the officer give a ticket for driving to close, but then, I cut that part, thinking that it just wasn't important enough for the extra words. Now, that you've noticed it, I probably should have left it. Thanks, great review! :-)
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You could toss it in with only a couple of words..."after checking insurance papers and writing her a following too close citation, he blah, blah, blah
I looked all over the place for the next part, even your portfolio, woth no luck. Has it not been posted yet?
Thans, Ray
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"Okay . . . well, I hate to give you this, but here is a citation for driving too close. You were lucky today . . . next you might not be. So, please, drive carefully. Here is my card . . . and, I've put my personal cell number . . .
I took your suggestion and added the citation. I appreciate your taking time to offer the idea. Part two isn't posted. I plan to post it on Monday. Thanks again, Ric.
Comment from Jay Squires
Okay! I thoroughly enjoyed your story, Ric. It was entertaining, light, and written with humor -- a good beginning for a romance.
I couldn't find any SPAG and only one sentence made me cringe "...Libby's smile and pearly whites," since that's a cliche, more allowable in the 1st person point of view, which tends to be conversational.
Other than that, it was very enjoyable.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Okay! I thoroughly enjoyed your story, Ric. It was entertaining, light, and written with humor -- a good beginning for a romance.
I couldn't find any SPAG and only one sentence made me cringe "...Libby's smile and pearly whites," since that's a cliche, more allowable in the 1st person point of view, which tends to be conversational.
Other than that, it was very enjoyable.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much, Jay, for taking time to read the first part of my story. Your kind words, generous review, and smack on the hand are greatly appreciated. I agree with you, and thought about it for a long time before making the blunder. I just wanted to say it in a simple way. after trying about twenty. I always learn from your comments and suggestions. Can't thank you enough for help. :-)
Comment from Pyrrho
As far as I am concerned, just as with free-verse-poetry, the entire vignette is already clear to all your perceptive readers and no further words are required.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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As far as I am concerned, just as with free-verse-poetry, the entire vignette is already clear to all your perceptive readers and no further words are required.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much for taking time to read the first part of my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from gypsycaravan
Sad commentary when you have to break up your perfectly-acceptable-within-short-story-limits piece in order to get a review on FanStory. Oh, well, that gripe for another time. Your story is well-written and interesting. The tension is building and the characters well-defined. Good job.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Sad commentary when you have to break up your perfectly-acceptable-within-short-story-limits piece in order to get a review on FanStory. Oh, well, that gripe for another time. Your story is well-written and interesting. The tension is building and the characters well-defined. Good job.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much for taking time to read the first part of my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from James Dooney
Golly gosh it sounds like this cobber works in an asian country ! they only get one day off a month if lucky ! I like this work !
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Golly gosh it sounds like this cobber works in an asian country ! they only get one day off a month if lucky ! I like this work !
Comment Written 23-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much, James, for taking time to read the first part of my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I hope you'll like part two, that should be posted by Monday. :-)
Comment from OLA THOMAS
Good work. You show a lot of fine creative instincts with this, I surely enjoyed the read. Nice storyline too. Well, it is a wise decision to break into two parts, this will surely earn you good and qualitative reviews. Well done.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Good work. You show a lot of fine creative instincts with this, I surely enjoyed the read. Nice storyline too. Well, it is a wise decision to break into two parts, this will surely earn you good and qualitative reviews. Well done.
ola thomas
Comment Written 23-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much for taking time to read the first part of my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I hope you'll like part two, that should be posted by Monday. :-)
Comment from Eric1
Hi Ric, this is an excellent start to a new story, it had an impact (pun intended) on me right from the start, the good thing is, you have only mentioned three characters to date, but I have a clear image in my head of what those characters look like, that my friend, is good imagery, great storyline, looking forward to what happens next.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Hi Ric, this is an excellent start to a new story, it had an impact (pun intended) on me right from the start, the good thing is, you have only mentioned three characters to date, but I have a clear image in my head of what those characters look like, that my friend, is good imagery, great storyline, looking forward to what happens next.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much, Eric, your taking time to read the first part of my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I hope you like part two, that should be posted by Monday. :-)
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You are very welcome Ric,look forward to it.
