Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

I love the vivid imagery here especially think of the night as oragami. This is a lovely and peaceful poem almost meditative.
Teresa

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014

Thanks, Teresa! Caroline

Comment from Linda England Bonam

Excellent

You did a really nice job of writing this. Congratulations on the two ribbons at the bottom. Well deserved in my opinion! I like the line 'until dawn peels back night'.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014

Thanks, Linda! Caroline

Comment from ravenblack

Excellent

Wow! Excellent superposition of dusk/night with origami. Very original. I like the process, how you get from origami to night literally tucking you in until you and night are one and the same.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014

Thanks, Ravenblack! Caroline

Comment from Oatmeal

Excellent

Zinnia48,

All things are moving effectively, nice and full of flashy impressions, well expressed. the theme was nice. Te poem flowed smoothly. All arrangement is understandable.

Everything looked good except I noticed one typo.

I drift toward (Night)
**night

Not enough to cause any problem.

I wish you the best. You wrote this one very well.

Your feelings are very understandable and expressed through the poem.

I look forward to seeing you again.

Love you,

Oatmeal

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014

Thanks,Oatmeal! I appreciate the comments and bringing my attention to the typo. I'm having a lot of trouble with posting lately! Caroline

Comment from GWHARGIS

Excellent

This was so soothing. I ike the oragami line. It gave sucha visual element to this. Very well written, and I could not think of any changes I would make. Well done. Gretchen

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014

Thank you ever so much, Gretchen! Caroline

Comment from mfowler

Excellent

I like the origami image a lot. It is revealed early and is sustained until the final line, emphasising beautifully how night enfolds you. Great free verse; sparse, focussed, lyrical and engaging.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014

thank you so much for the observations. It helps to know what works. Caroline

Comment from onebrit

Excellent

Sweet little artwork to accompany this lovely lullaby of a poem. The moon and I breathe together....what a magical thought. Beautiful imagery, it reads so well, and makes me long for tonight so I can sleep again. Well written

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014

Thanks, Onebrit, and pleasant dreams! Caroline

Comment from scd41

Excellent

To use the metaphor origami for describing nights as folding into creases sealing in daylight is excellent imagination. Similarly, I liked how a nocturnal nest holding the moon and the poet together peels back night crease by crease. A nice poem.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014

Thanks, SCD41! I appreciate your comments. caroline

Comment from Singin' in the Rain

Excellent

I love your comparison to origami here! My favorite lines are "spinning me into slumber, where dreams cradle me". This is a delightful poem that captures the night time mood well. Can't think of a thing I'd like better different. Good luck on all your work!

 Comment Written 19-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014

Thanks, Singin! You're a sweetheart! Caroline

Comment from Patti R.

Excellent

This is a pretty, pretty poem.

I wonder if you meant dark furrows (surround) me?

My favorite line is 'Each crease sealing in daylight' That is awesome!

Terrific alliteration with: stars/slipping/sprouting/spinning/slumber
and
nocturnal nest/night

crease by crease is an excellent last line!

Patti

 Comment Written 19-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014

Tanks, Patti, for your time and specific comments--especially about the last line. My poetry intensive teacher wasn't sure about it, but I decided to leave it in. I'll go back and look at the dark furrows line. Thanks again! Caroline

reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014

reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014

Patti--I changed it to darkness furrows around me. thanks for the feedback.