Night
Favorite time of the day78 total reviews
Comment from vfbryant
I love this poem! Anytime someone can take a well-worn topic or subject, and bring something new and fresh to it, that deserves praise. You did that. Who would have thought of something as original as 'Orgami--Each crease sealing in daylight'? The only thing that threw me a little is your use of capitals. It seemed like sometimes you started a thought with one, and sometimes not. Personally, I liked it when you did use one. For instance,in the first stanza, and the lines I quoted, you began each thought with one (not each line, each thought ), but then when we got to the middle section, it seemed like you stopped doing it, then picked up again with the capitals on each complete thought in the last two stanzas. My humble suggestion would be that you do consistently throughout the poem what you did very well at the first and last of it. (oh, and I would leave the capital off Night because it seems to interrupt the gentle flow you would create by just letting it slip in with the rest of the image you're painting. Now, I am a simple poet (I've published a lot in magazines, but that could be due to editors with low standards:), and I would not presume to criticize a poem that deserves only praise--but since you asked for feedback, that's mine. Hope you don't mind. Wonderful piece. Valerie
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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I love this poem! Anytime someone can take a well-worn topic or subject, and bring something new and fresh to it, that deserves praise. You did that. Who would have thought of something as original as 'Orgami--Each crease sealing in daylight'? The only thing that threw me a little is your use of capitals. It seemed like sometimes you started a thought with one, and sometimes not. Personally, I liked it when you did use one. For instance,in the first stanza, and the lines I quoted, you began each thought with one (not each line, each thought ), but then when we got to the middle section, it seemed like you stopped doing it, then picked up again with the capitals on each complete thought in the last two stanzas. My humble suggestion would be that you do consistently throughout the poem what you did very well at the first and last of it. (oh, and I would leave the capital off Night because it seems to interrupt the gentle flow you would create by just letting it slip in with the rest of the image you're painting. Now, I am a simple poet (I've published a lot in magazines, but that could be due to editors with low standards:), and I would not presume to criticize a poem that deserves only praise--but since you asked for feedback, that's mine. Hope you don't mind. Wonderful piece. Valerie
Comment Written 21-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Vibryant--You are not the first to note my inconsistency of capitalization! I do it intuitively, and probably need to revist that practice. I appreciate that you thought I was able to bring something fresh to the subject of night. Thanks! Caroline
Comment from giovannimariatommaso
The only change I would make because it's only a preference on the way it sounds & flows in the rest of the poem is: (stars slipping in sprouting)(stars slip in as sprouts) because falling to sleep slowly relaxing lets things slip in, or so it seems because of less resistance.
I didn't see any spelling or grammatical errors.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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The only change I would make because it's only a preference on the way it sounds & flows in the rest of the poem is: (stars slipping in sprouting)(stars slip in as sprouts) because falling to sleep slowly relaxing lets things slip in, or so it seems because of less resistance.
I didn't see any spelling or grammatical errors.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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thank you so much for your suggestions and observations, giovanni1 Caroline
Comment from kintesiegel
this is absolutely charming the way it stands. Its imagery and feelings are so tender and alluring. Lovely to read and to imagine such a peaceful state of being.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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this is absolutely charming the way it stands. Its imagery and feelings are so tender and alluring. Lovely to read and to imagine such a peaceful state of being.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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thanks, Kintesiegel! Caroline
Comment from Ben Colder
You poem consist of strong wording The last stanza was most impressing . I see nothing wrong in the way this poem flows. Well done poet. The photo enhances.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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You poem consist of strong wording The last stanza was most impressing . I see nothing wrong in the way this poem flows. Well done poet. The photo enhances.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Ben! Caroline
Comment from Ekim777
They say that night time is the playground of the soul and the queen they call the moon reigns over us. The action word seems to dominate every phrase; there is nothing static about those images. So we romp or glide along with her. I imagine she loves to dance.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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They say that night time is the playground of the soul and the queen they call the moon reigns over us. The action word seems to dominate every phrase; there is nothing static about those images. So we romp or glide along with her. I imagine she loves to dance.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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What a glorious first line in your comment! thank you for your feedback and observations! caroline
Comment from Drew Delaney
Sorry, Caroline. I have no idea how you could improve this. It is, to me, excellent as is. I am a learning poet myself, so my views are limited. I feel that you have described an awesome description of how dusk turns into night and then how it unfolds. It is quite beautiful. The verbs you use are powerful; such as cradles, furrows,spinning and peeling. Very good.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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Sorry, Caroline. I have no idea how you could improve this. It is, to me, excellent as is. I am a learning poet myself, so my views are limited. I feel that you have described an awesome description of how dusk turns into night and then how it unfolds. It is quite beautiful. The verbs you use are powerful; such as cradles, furrows,spinning and peeling. Very good.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Drew! Caroline
Comment from LIJ Red
Night has two faces-in temperate, settled, civilized lands
it is as your poem portrays it. Descriptive and well written
images of restful night.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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Night has two faces-in temperate, settled, civilized lands
it is as your poem portrays it. Descriptive and well written
images of restful night.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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Thanks, LIJ! Caroline
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Night is my favourite time of day. It is quiet, and the stars on a clear night are like satin slipping over a blanket. Your poem is beautiful and deserves a 6 that I don't have. A pleasure to read. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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Night is my favourite time of day. It is quiet, and the stars on a clear night are like satin slipping over a blanket. Your poem is beautiful and deserves a 6 that I don't have. A pleasure to read. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 21-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Sandra--I liked your poetic description of "stars on a clear night are like satin slipping over a blanket"! Caroline
Comment from Goodauthor
This is a well written poem which flows like milk from the container into the glass. A clear night is one of nature's most beautiful and romantic times. Good write.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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This is a well written poem which flows like milk from the container into the glass. A clear night is one of nature's most beautiful and romantic times. Good write.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Goodauthor! caroline
Comment from DR DIP
you got me in, purely on your first verse:
Dusk cradles me
I drift toward Night
folding into itself
thank you for sharing
dip
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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you got me in, purely on your first verse:
Dusk cradles me
I drift toward Night
folding into itself
thank you for sharing
dip
Comment Written 21-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Dr dip! Caroline
