Turncoat!
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Turncoat, Part 6"WW2 One soldier's ordeal at the fall of Berlin
33 total reviews
Comment from Donya Quijote
I'm laughing at Elsam upstaged by a starving kitten. There's irony in that and you can understand my affection for the furball. I've got three myself, you know. Schutte seems to be a complicated character, a product of the horrors that were Germany during the Third Reich and the war. Elsa sees another mark, and Hans is cautious, and rightly so methinks. I smell trouble.
Good episode and what a contrasting introduction to Schutte. First he senselessly kills a teenager and then turns around and rescues a helpless kitten.
Makes want to keep reading...
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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I'm laughing at Elsam upstaged by a starving kitten. There's irony in that and you can understand my affection for the furball. I've got three myself, you know. Schutte seems to be a complicated character, a product of the horrors that were Germany during the Third Reich and the war. Elsa sees another mark, and Hans is cautious, and rightly so methinks. I smell trouble.
Good episode and what a contrasting introduction to Schutte. First he senselessly kills a teenager and then turns around and rescues a helpless kitten.
Makes want to keep reading...
Comment Written 18-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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Thanks again. Love it when you like the story.
Comment from comanalbert
Glad I didn't miss much of this story while I was off FS.
The two of them with an instable woman between make an explosive combination so if they don't separate, ugly things are going to happen between them.
As usual, great chapter and looking forward for the following.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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Glad I didn't miss much of this story while I was off FS.
The two of them with an instable woman between make an explosive combination so if they don't separate, ugly things are going to happen between them.
As usual, great chapter and looking forward for the following.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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We'll see. Hans doesn't trust him, and Schutte doesn't trust Hans either. Elsa is angry because the men are closing her out of their conversation, and the kitten has captured Schutte's attention. Elsa is no longer being noticed.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Thanks for the pleasure of another great chapter that adds dimensions to your characters with actions, rather than with sentences written like detailed lists. Great chapter. :-)
>>Her narrowed eyes said (she) didn't appreciate being upstaged by a fur ball and ordered to the kitchen like a servant.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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Thanks for the pleasure of another great chapter that adds dimensions to your characters with actions, rather than with sentences written like detailed lists. Great chapter. :-)
>>Her narrowed eyes said (she) didn't appreciate being upstaged by a fur ball and ordered to the kitchen like a servant.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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HI, Ric. You're quite welcome. Thank YOU for the comments and the fix.
Comment from adewpearl
vivid, atmosphere-creating detail of setting
strong verb choices that add life to the scene
frowning, smiling, pouting, rubbing a smudge from her nose, narrowed eyes, wearing her anger on her cheeks like rouge, his face hardening, an icy look - great instances of non-verbal communication that enhances the natural-sounding dialogue and adds to the character development
Brooke
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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vivid, atmosphere-creating detail of setting
strong verb choices that add life to the scene
frowning, smiling, pouting, rubbing a smudge from her nose, narrowed eyes, wearing her anger on her cheeks like rouge, his face hardening, an icy look - great instances of non-verbal communication that enhances the natural-sounding dialogue and adds to the character development
Brooke
Comment Written 18-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Brooke. It's had a lot of good reviews. I'm having fun writing spoiled Elsa and the two men trying to get along, even though they don't trust each other. Appreciate your comments, as always.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
The interactions are well done, Nor. Love the way you demonstrated how Hans both hid and exposed his jealousy. I also really like how you showed that Schutte had some compassion. Great contrast between the hard man and the tiny kitten. When it scratched him, I held my breath thinking he was going to harm it.
"What's wrong?" (s)he asked, eyes wide.
She offered her hand, and he performed a smart heel click and completed the act with a deep bow. - wonderful description - exactly how I'd imagine it.
Elsa's hackles are up, it seems. Hans could order me around anytime. :)
Excellent post.
Av
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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The interactions are well done, Nor. Love the way you demonstrated how Hans both hid and exposed his jealousy. I also really like how you showed that Schutte had some compassion. Great contrast between the hard man and the tiny kitten. When it scratched him, I held my breath thinking he was going to harm it.
"What's wrong?" (s)he asked, eyes wide.
She offered her hand, and he performed a smart heel click and completed the act with a deep bow. - wonderful description - exactly how I'd imagine it.
Elsa's hackles are up, it seems. Hans could order me around anytime. :)
Excellent post.
Av
Comment Written 18-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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Yes, I think he could send you to the kitchen, exclude you from male company, and it would be just fine, LOL.
It's not the usual way he treats women, of course, and he has his reasons. Schutte is tough and he has to play just as tough. Can't go around saying, "please" and "thank you." Might be seen as letting a woman push him around.
Yes, I know there are nits, even a word left out, so will be polishing it and putting this part back in the manuscript.
Thanks, as always.
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I'd drag him to the kitchen with me and rip his shirt off. I'd pull out the mop, get him down on his hands and knees, then I'd...oops, phone's ringing. Gotta go!
Comment from arnie47
I'm coming late to this party, but I'm glad I'm here. Nicely written the dialogue doesn't miss a beat and I can tell a lot about the characters even with this small sliver of the entire work. Will try and read some of the previous. Good work.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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I'm coming late to this party, but I'm glad I'm here. Nicely written the dialogue doesn't miss a beat and I can tell a lot about the characters even with this small sliver of the entire work. Will try and read some of the previous. Good work.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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Hi, Arnie. Glad you like it, and thanks for coming to the party.
Comment from Kenneth Schaal
The kitten takes center stage and gets the spotlight, but it's Schutte who takes charge; Hans takes a backseat. Elsa wants to play with Schutte. I think, maybe the team has a new leader. Kenny
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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The kitten takes center stage and gets the spotlight, but it's Schutte who takes charge; Hans takes a backseat. Elsa wants to play with Schutte. I think, maybe the team has a new leader. Kenny
Comment Written 18-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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Tsk, Tsk, tsk. Don't count Hans out just yet, Kenny. Will try to get the next chapter up this coming week. No promises, though. Thanks for reviewing. I appreciate it.
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You've created a triangle, with Elsa top and center. The men will struggle, but at the moment Schutte has the upper hand.
Comment from AAud
What an interesting turn of events! The cold-blooded killer, Herr Schutte, falls for a kitten. I liked that insight into the character. There's much more to him than meets the eye.
I noticed a missing word in the last line of this installment: Her narrowed eyes said didn't appreciate (possibly add the word, "they" between "said" and "didn't")
It will be interesting to see how the story proceeds with all three characters.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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What an interesting turn of events! The cold-blooded killer, Herr Schutte, falls for a kitten. I liked that insight into the character. There's much more to him than meets the eye.
I noticed a missing word in the last line of this installment: Her narrowed eyes said didn't appreciate (possibly add the word, "they" between "said" and "didn't")
It will be interesting to see how the story proceeds with all three characters.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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Thanks. The word that's missing is 'she'. Her narrowed eyes said she didn't appreciate ....
Needs a final edit. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Ha Ha, I am picturing Elsa being ordered to the 'kitchen' in that place. No wonder she is upset. There seems to be a lot to discover yet about this new character. I'm finding it very interesting not just from the story point of view but the history as well. Giddy
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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Ha Ha, I am picturing Elsa being ordered to the 'kitchen' in that place. No wonder she is upset. There seems to be a lot to discover yet about this new character. I'm finding it very interesting not just from the story point of view but the history as well. Giddy
Comment Written 18-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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Hi, Giddy. Yes, it would be like ordering Duchess Kate's sister to the scullery. The girl was raised rich, and she was beautiful. Would be again, if she had clothes and makeup, that is. Hans is showing an alpha male attitude because of Schutte. He'll try to explain that to her, since he would like to share her bed again. Thanks, as always, for the review.
Comment from LIJ Red
Having read only a chapter or two of this work, my review of this chapter is hampered, but it seems to carry a story line along meaningfully, with no errors. Excellent. Your reply intrigued. I'm blind to speech tag commas and their spaces slept right through the lost she in the last paragraph. Shame on me.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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Having read only a chapter or two of this work, my review of this chapter is hampered, but it seems to carry a story line along meaningfully, with no errors. Excellent. Your reply intrigued. I'm blind to speech tag commas and their spaces slept right through the lost she in the last paragraph. Shame on me.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
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Hello, Red. Glad you liked it. I've got a few little punctuation errors and a missing word to fix, tho. Thanks for reviewing.
