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Writing Prompt Entries 2014

Viewing comments for Chapter 65 "haiku (practised predator)"
The clue is in the title!

12 total reviews 
Comment from adewpearl
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great pairing of photo and poem, which is in excellent 5/7/5 syllable count
excellent alliteration in practiced predator/protrude
good assonance in lurks/murky
vivid descriptive detail that creates a creepy tone and stunning visual
Brooke

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2014

reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
    Thank you Brooke for your great feedback. Kindest regards as always, Debra :) x
Comment from Jackarrie
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Yes a very good entry into the haiku reptile contest. a familiar sight for those near the everglades.

Well done, a great contender.
Good luck in the contest
Mary

 Comment Written 11-Aug-2014

reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
    Hi Mary, thank you for your great feedback and good luck wishes, I appreciate both! Kind regards, Debra :)
Comment from Bill Schott
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This haiku, practiced predator, with its seventeen syllables and five-seven-five format, delivers a stark view of the alligator's posturing awaiting the prey.

 Comment Written 11-Aug-2014

reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
    Thank you Bill, kindest regards, Debra :)
Comment from mumsyone
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practised predator
lurks beneath murky surface
hungry eyes protrude

Your haiku aptly describes the predator! Good concrete imagery in predator, murky surface, and eyes. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 11-Aug-2014

reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
    Thank you for your great feedback and good luck comments, I appreciate both! Kind regards, Debra :)
Comment from The Death
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Hi, mystery poet.

Nice haiku! I like the creature you chose for the prompt. Superb word economy! You've utilized each syllable wisely.

practised predator
lurks beneath murky surface
hungry eyes protrude

Superb use of phonetics with consonance of R in every line, and alliteration of P in line one. Striking presentation of your work. You create the wild scene really well, and it has strong imagery. The only thing which is problematic is that one doesn't get to know which creature you're talking about until one reads the first two lines. It works well in the satori, but not in the interconnected lines. A haiku is supposed to create images on its own, without using any artwork.

Overall, a nice work. Good luck!

Regards,
Anupam

 Comment Written 11-Aug-2014

reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
    Hi Anupam, thank you for your great feedback and good luck wishes. I appreciate both! Kindest regards as always, Debra :)
Comment from TAB_that's me
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This is a great and catchy (pun intended - ha ha) little haiku. The best so far - you might be getting my vote:)
~Teresa~

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2014

reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
    Hi teresa, thank you for your great feedback and mention of a possible vote! I appreciate both! Kind regards, Debra :)
reply by TAB_that's me on 12-Aug-2014
    You did get my vote:)
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
    Aw! Thank you :) x
Comment from w.j.debi
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Excellent entry. Exact syllable count. Good choice of picture to enhance your verse.
Good alliteration in "practiced predator"
Good assonance in the "ur" sounds in "lurks beneath murky surface"

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2014

reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
    Hi, thank you for your great feedback, I appreciate it! Kind regards, Debra :)
Comment from seaglass
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I lived in Central Florida for 6 years and well understand the danger of these creatures. You see know the feeling of being a link in the food chain. Your poem paints a picture of what they look like while stalking.

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2014

reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
    Hi Seaglass, thank you for your great feedback, I appreciate it! Kind regards, Debra :)
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
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Good job with your poem. The words/picture fit perfectly. I really liked reading your poem. The criteria was met. I see nothing to suggest changing. Good luck with the contest..

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2014

reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
    Hi jannypan, thank you for your great feedback. I appreciate it! Kind regards, Debra :)
Comment from Supe
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Good job. I am not a fan of reptiles with big ugly eyes, but you did a great job describing this guy. The picture is perfect.
Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2014

reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
    Hi Supe, thank you for your great feedback and good luck wishes, I appreciate both! Kind regards, Debra :)