Comment from Nosha17

Excellent

I've been following your story and it is very interesting and well-written. Your characters are well drawn and you have captured the tension of the game well. Good use of descriptive language and most enjoyable. Faye

 Comment Written 31-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014

Thanks Faye, for reviewing and following my story. Hopefully, Part 6 will bring some closure for Cynthia. 8-)

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

You're doing a good job with this story-line. I like it a lot.

She followed Becca into the dressing room and sat down on the end of the bench by herself (You don't need 'down' in this sentence. It's a tighter write without it.)

 Comment Written 30-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014

Thanks, Barbara. I appreciate the revision tip. 8-)

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

It is easy to get a season ending injury in sports. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an interesting read.

 Comment Written 30-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014

Thanks so much for your review. 8-)

reply by c_lucas on 30-Aug-2014

You're welcome, BG. Charlie

Comment from Spitfire

Excellent

You've got a winner here. So many teens who play sports could relate to this. I should think Cynthia would have looked up again to see if Tom had returned. The coach sure sounds mean. And Cynthia, so self-confident. Excellent skills at describing the action and the heroine's literal fall from grace at the end.

 Comment Written 28-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Thanks, Shari. I'm not going to leave Cynthia on the floor though; I've still got one more part, I think. I thought it was funny that you perceived the coach as mean. I kind of modeled her after me. (I coached for many years) 8-)

reply by Spitfire on 29-Aug-2014

I hated PE. Every coach I had acted like a mini dictator. :-) I did have one who was nice, though. I'll never forget her. She took time to help me learn exercises to help my posture.

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

Ah, kind of what I thought might happen - the pills would ruin her game. I like the twist (and hint, maybe) that Becca fouled on purpose so her friend would have the chance to play. I like that the chapters are short and that you have kept the characters to a minimum (i get confused easily when there is too much going on:)
Teresa

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 28-Aug-2014

Thanks so much, Teresa. I like short chapters, too. 8-)

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

Ooooh what has Cee done now.....she has a good friend in Becca...
You described the play well. And girls .....well written
Kept my attention
God bless

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 28-Aug-2014

Thanks, Jenny. I'm glad you are enjoying this story. 8-)

Comment from Rosalyne

Excellent

Hi, Karen.
This is an exciting chapter, the tension rising as the game is nearing an end. You showed well that Cynthia's focus was off, making sloppy mistakes in the game. What a blow to have her knee buckle, possibly ending her time of play. Your ending leaves the reader wanting more.

Bye
Rosalyne :)

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 28-Aug-2014

Thanks so much, Rosalyne. Prose writing is so much harder to me than poetry. It wears me out. 8-)

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

Oh, poor Cynthia... her knee is too damaged to play. That's a real bummer. Her dad will just have to understand. SHE IS HURT. I hate parents who push their kids to excel, or else they won't show love. Sickening.

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014

Thanks Phyllis. I appreciate your review. Sports have a lot to offer if kept in perspective. 8-)

Comment from gypsycaravan

Excellent

You must be a basket ball player yourself to describe a game so visually, boxer girl. Good job. Looking forward to the rest of the story.

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014

Player and coach for many years. I wish I had kept a journal! 8-)

Comment from Writingfundimension

Excellent

Great job building the action in this fifth installment, BG. I'm guessing you've either played or coached girls' basketball as this has such an authentic feel to it. Looking forward to reading more.

:) Bev

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014

Thanks, Bev. I am happy my prior coaching experience is coming through!

reply by Writingfundimension on 27-Aug-2014

You're very welcome, BG. :)