Sweet Jasmine
Whisked away to a distant shore...60 total reviews
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hello Dean,
I thought you did a great with this sonnet! And, that picture at the bottom...I looked at it once with the eyes closed and didn't give it much thought. As I read the piece again...the eyes were open. Then I stared at the pic, and experienced an uneasy feeling watching them slowly open, brrrrr!
A sad theme, but I appreciate the muses desire to be with his beloved...an easy theme to relate too, if your in love.
Great enjambments and wonderful alliterations helped to enhance the "feel" of the write, well done.
I'm certainly no expert, but it read well to me, my friend.
Best wishes, Bill
  |
Hello Dean,
I thought you did a great with this sonnet! And, that picture at the bottom...I looked at it once with the eyes closed and didn't give it much thought. As I read the piece again...the eyes were open. Then I stared at the pic, and experienced an uneasy feeling watching them slowly open, brrrrr!
A sad theme, but I appreciate the muses desire to be with his beloved...an easy theme to relate too, if your in love.
Great enjambments and wonderful alliterations helped to enhance the "feel" of the write, well done.
I'm certainly no expert, but it read well to me, my friend.
Best wishes, Bill
Comment Written 08-Aug-2014
Comment from Spitfire
LOL A horror sonnet. This form is so hard to do. A lot of alliteration in this. Maybe overdone? You have the rhyme scheme down to a T.Not sure about the meter in line one, but I'm no expert. I admire your challenge to yourself.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2014
|
LOL A horror sonnet. This form is so hard to do. A lot of alliteration in this. Maybe overdone? You have the rhyme scheme down to a T.Not sure about the meter in line one, but I'm no expert. I admire your challenge to yourself.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2014
-
Ha, I ain't no expert either, Spit, believe me. But I have had a lot of input and help from some of the best sonnet writers on this website to help me out with it, primarily Honeycomb (Nancy), and Domino 2 (Ray). So, I have been going with pretty much what they've told me to correct it, and have made probably 10 edits since it first posted.
Yeah, a horror sonnet, huh? maybe I'll start a new fad, heh-heh... Okay, so I won't hold my breath. :}
Thanks for the great review!
Comment from Alan K Pease
I dare say that I would never have a problem with any of your styles of writing which are many and revered by your many disciples, not the least of this fine Shakespearean sonnet fully following the constraint of his style - maybe a little of Poe thrown in. Once or twice I have followed the path of this sonnet with favourable results.
 |
I dare say that I would never have a problem with any of your styles of writing which are many and revered by your many disciples, not the least of this fine Shakespearean sonnet fully following the constraint of his style - maybe a little of Poe thrown in. Once or twice I have followed the path of this sonnet with favourable results.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2014
Comment from BLACKDYKE
I refuse to be kind or regretful Dean
but truthful, and I declare this is a beautiful sonnet and serves every criteria.
So now get on down and write another.
It ain't easy I know, but you have
proved yourself already. Eric
|
I refuse to be kind or regretful Dean
but truthful, and I declare this is a beautiful sonnet and serves every criteria.
So now get on down and write another.
It ain't easy I know, but you have
proved yourself already. Eric
Comment Written 08-Aug-2014
Comment from Muffins
A meaty haunting poem expressed brilliantly( are you sure you haven't done this before???) in old English Shakespearean voice. The poem reveals the narrator's anguish painstakingly, allowing the reader to feel the emptiness encasing his heart and soul. A first class rate poem.
|
A meaty haunting poem expressed brilliantly( are you sure you haven't done this before???) in old English Shakespearean voice. The poem reveals the narrator's anguish painstakingly, allowing the reader to feel the emptiness encasing his heart and soul. A first class rate poem.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2014
Comment from rod007
A deeply sad poem about the lost of love through death said in an intense and somber way to enhance the tragedy that befell the narrator. Well done, Dean.
|
A deeply sad poem about the lost of love through death said in an intense and somber way to enhance the tragedy that befell the narrator. Well done, Dean.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2014
Comment from Sonaleeka
I enjoyed every bit of it.Very well written my friend.
This piece is awesome.Glad got a chance to read your stuff.God bless!
|
I enjoyed every bit of it.Very well written my friend.
This piece is awesome.Glad got a chance to read your stuff.God bless!
Comment Written 08-Aug-2014
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Should have saved this one for Sunday's sixes, Dean. An excellent English sonnet. Your alliteration is perfect, from the almost playful "Twixt twilight's...velvet..." to the stark opposites "gorgeous gleam" and "gray and gloomy". Outstanding, sir. :) Nancy
|
Should have saved this one for Sunday's sixes, Dean. An excellent English sonnet. Your alliteration is perfect, from the almost playful "Twixt twilight's...velvet..." to the stark opposites "gorgeous gleam" and "gray and gloomy". Outstanding, sir. :) Nancy
Comment Written 08-Aug-2014
Comment from faragon
I think you did a great job with this sonnet. It is told in true Olde English style. The words seem to convey his pain and loss of his beloved without the reader having to work hard to feel it. Jane
|
I think you did a great job with this sonnet. It is told in true Olde English style. The words seem to convey his pain and loss of his beloved without the reader having to work hard to feel it. Jane
Comment Written 08-Aug-2014
Comment from padumachitta
Hi Dean. First Sonnet? Are you sure? Perhaps your muse has been fooling you, easing British styles into your mind.
I loved the ferry man lines. it is what takes this poem away from the (often) cloying sweetness of this form.
Instead we have a sonnet with the depth of pain and a punhc as well.
Well done,
padumachitta
|
Hi Dean. First Sonnet? Are you sure? Perhaps your muse has been fooling you, easing British styles into your mind.
I loved the ferry man lines. it is what takes this poem away from the (often) cloying sweetness of this form.
Instead we have a sonnet with the depth of pain and a punhc as well.
Well done,
padumachitta
Comment Written 08-Aug-2014
