Why?
Items can't fill the void that lurks within.3 total reviews
Comment from w.j.debi
Such true words. Things never seem to satisfy. Sometimes I think we get more pleasure out of wanting and working for something than actually having it. You raise an excellent point to ponder.
Good alliteration in "crying and confused"
I see you recently joined fanstory. Welcome. I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Good luck in the contest.
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Such true words. Things never seem to satisfy. Sometimes I think we get more pleasure out of wanting and working for something than actually having it. You raise an excellent point to ponder.
Good alliteration in "crying and confused"
I see you recently joined fanstory. Welcome. I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2014
Comment from mjac777
I don't know - this was hilariously funny to me.
"Why do I feel broke?" After spending all one's money on buying everything, I guess I would have cleaned out my savings and bank accounts plus maxed out all my credit cards.
This was very funny ... lol
Unless you mean the spiritual void created when pursuing material things.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014
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I don't know - this was hilariously funny to me.
"Why do I feel broke?" After spending all one's money on buying everything, I guess I would have cleaned out my savings and bank accounts plus maxed out all my credit cards.
This was very funny ... lol
Unless you mean the spiritual void created when pursuing material things.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014
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Haha, glad I made you smile. I was actually going for a more serious reaction, but I see what you mean. I enjoyed reading your comment. Hahaha
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You have written an interesting poem. It is so true for so many people. Too many strive for the material things in life. When they get them, they still do not feel better. Your message is clear. Good job. Good luck with the contest. Because of the short length of the poem, it is hard to suggest changes. I do, however, want to comment on the word "everything." I have seen it listed as three or four syllables. You never know how the judges will view the word. Your line with it may have 6 OR 7 syllables. If that makes a difference, it could cause your poem to not fit the criteria of 5/7/5. I am, by no means, a qualified judge. When I was working on some of my poems, I did look up the word. I believe the 3 syllable choice is more common. But I have seen it with four. It is a difficult call. Good job and good luck with the contest. Please do not take my word for anything being wrong with your poem. It is just a friendly comment. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014
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You have written an interesting poem. It is so true for so many people. Too many strive for the material things in life. When they get them, they still do not feel better. Your message is clear. Good job. Good luck with the contest. Because of the short length of the poem, it is hard to suggest changes. I do, however, want to comment on the word "everything." I have seen it listed as three or four syllables. You never know how the judges will view the word. Your line with it may have 6 OR 7 syllables. If that makes a difference, it could cause your poem to not fit the criteria of 5/7/5. I am, by no means, a qualified judge. When I was working on some of my poems, I did look up the word. I believe the 3 syllable choice is more common. But I have seen it with four. It is a difficult call. Good job and good luck with the contest. Please do not take my word for anything being wrong with your poem. It is just a friendly comment. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much for the encouragement. Yes, I had my concerns with the word everything as well. Best wishes!
