Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Fragrance of First Night"A book of Poetry & Writing
117 total reviews
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Deepwater,
Nice piece of poetry meeting the desired norms and beautifully depicting its theme/impressive and perfectly matching the theme wording/smooth flow with lively imagery.
"What more to want, but lusts first love or memories of first night."
Excellent!
Good Luck!!
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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Hello Deepwater,
Nice piece of poetry meeting the desired norms and beautifully depicting its theme/impressive and perfectly matching the theme wording/smooth flow with lively imagery.
"What more to want, but lusts first love or memories of first night."
Excellent!
Good Luck!!
Comment Written 04-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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Thank you
Comment from c_lucas
This is a well written poem of romance. You did an excellent job from beginning to ending. Your poem has a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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This is a well written poem of romance. You did an excellent job from beginning to ending. Your poem has a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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Thanks Mr C
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You're welcome, DW. Charlie
Comment from Smoothiecool
good luck in the contest
your well chosen words allow the reader to see and feel the intimacy of the first night and the pureness of it and the memories that remain
good visual to portray message
well written
cheers ..Smoothiecool
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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good luck in the contest
your well chosen words allow the reader to see and feel the intimacy of the first night and the pureness of it and the memories that remain
good visual to portray message
well written
cheers ..Smoothiecool
Comment Written 04-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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Thanks
Comment from kiwisteveh
I have been puzzling over this for a little while - I found it to be a bit of a mixture. There is some lovely word choice and some wonderfully evocative phrases, but also some disconnected and confusing sentences, strange punctuation and a section of full rhyme that doesn't see right for the free verse context.
Punctuation first - you have used it, but there is only one full stop, right at the end. This cannot possibly be all one sentence! The comma in the first line is certainly misplaced and others just seem to increase some of the confusion of meaning.
lusts should have an apostrophe in the last line and the phrase 'lust's first love' seems strange in the context of the poem.
'How sublime your body yearned for endless love' seems grammatically wrong - sublimely perhaps?
'the awe of all submission' - what does it mean?
'so pure' repeated - to no real purpose that I can see
Sorry, that seems like a lot of nit-picking, but I felt it was a promising piece that had just gone off the rails somewhat.
Steve
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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I have been puzzling over this for a little while - I found it to be a bit of a mixture. There is some lovely word choice and some wonderfully evocative phrases, but also some disconnected and confusing sentences, strange punctuation and a section of full rhyme that doesn't see right for the free verse context.
Punctuation first - you have used it, but there is only one full stop, right at the end. This cannot possibly be all one sentence! The comma in the first line is certainly misplaced and others just seem to increase some of the confusion of meaning.
lusts should have an apostrophe in the last line and the phrase 'lust's first love' seems strange in the context of the poem.
'How sublime your body yearned for endless love' seems grammatically wrong - sublimely perhaps?
'the awe of all submission' - what does it mean?
'so pure' repeated - to no real purpose that I can see
Sorry, that seems like a lot of nit-picking, but I felt it was a promising piece that had just gone off the rails somewhat.
Steve
Comment Written 04-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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Steve this is a poem guess I will start to look at your thanks
Comment from Andrewajgblue
A really poetic free verse describing your first night with someone and the loss of virginity, if only real life was as romantic, ? Really well done with excellent imagery,I enjoyed it very much,
Andrew
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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A really poetic free verse describing your first night with someone and the loss of virginity, if only real life was as romantic, ? Really well done with excellent imagery,I enjoyed it very much,
Andrew
Comment Written 04-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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Thank you Andrew
Comment from Acquired Taste
Beautiful. Flows almost seamlessly from the lips and is fairly visual. I thought it projected a very warm, comfy and satisfying feeling for a lovely first evening together.
The photo is lovely and seems as fresh and innocent as the love coming through in the poem. AT=/
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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Beautiful. Flows almost seamlessly from the lips and is fairly visual. I thought it projected a very warm, comfy and satisfying feeling for a lovely first evening together.
The photo is lovely and seems as fresh and innocent as the love coming through in the poem. AT=/
Comment Written 04-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Pyrrho
I thought this had to be written by a woman but on reflection, a woman does not worship virginity and many men think it is to be worshiped, or at least admired. Give me an experienced woman every time.
I cannot find reference to the word I wanted to pass on to you. It means virgin worship. But I did find my favorite quote about it.
Virginity is a balloon in the carnival of life that disappears with the first prick.
Also, Madonna said she thought of losing her virginity as a career move.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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I thought this had to be written by a woman but on reflection, a woman does not worship virginity and many men think it is to be worshiped, or at least admired. Give me an experienced woman every time.
I cannot find reference to the word I wanted to pass on to you. It means virgin worship. But I did find my favorite quote about it.
Virginity is a balloon in the carnival of life that disappears with the first prick.
Also, Madonna said she thought of losing her virginity as a career move.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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Lol thank for reading
Comment from rjuselius
this is a stunning piece of poetic art! the memory of losing one's virginity. the imagery is exquisite! nice one.
thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contest!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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this is a stunning piece of poetic art! the memory of losing one's virginity. the imagery is exquisite! nice one.
thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contest!
rebekka x
Comment Written 04-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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Thank you for this
Gary
Comment from Glasstruth
You, so very elegantly described the first night, a first love with such passion that moment cannot ever be erased. The rhythm and flow is as smooth as can be. For free verse there is some rhyming with just adds to it. Wonderfully written. Les
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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You, so very elegantly described the first night, a first love with such passion that moment cannot ever be erased. The rhythm and flow is as smooth as can be. For free verse there is some rhyming with just adds to it. Wonderfully written. Les
Comment Written 03-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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thanks Les
Comment from chasennov
First Love "Fragrance of First Night" In hindsight I have always wondered why it was that one cannot ever forget that first night of love. There are many thousands of nights after that, but that first night's memory lingers on. Well done.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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First Love "Fragrance of First Night" In hindsight I have always wondered why it was that one cannot ever forget that first night of love. There are many thousands of nights after that, but that first night's memory lingers on. Well done.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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thank you
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You're welcome.
