You Don't See Me
From the perspective of a girl with intellectual disabilitie34 total reviews
Comment from gypsycaravan
You are right. When someone seems "different" to an individual, they become invisible to them. How many people look away when a homeless person walks by?
Suggestion:
I do believe your piece would have more impact if the sentences that are questions were a paragraph by themselves, like this---
I am your neighbor. We don't know each other because everytime I see you in the street, you look away with your head down. I don't know why.
Are you shy?
You never see my smile. I think we could be friends if you saw my smile. You would know I am just like you.
Why are you shaking your head?
You don't think I'm just like you, do you? Well, I am. Really! I live in a house and I have friends. I have a mom and a dad who love me. I don't live with them because I'm an adult. You don't live with your mom and dad, either.
See what I mean?
I won't say I told you so. That would be rude. Sometimes I do say the wrong thing, but I'm learning.
Has that ever happened to you?
I would do your entire story like this. White space creates impact and isolating the questions make the reader think and ponder about what it means.
Nice choice of topic and written well.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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You are right. When someone seems "different" to an individual, they become invisible to them. How many people look away when a homeless person walks by?
Suggestion:
I do believe your piece would have more impact if the sentences that are questions were a paragraph by themselves, like this---
I am your neighbor. We don't know each other because everytime I see you in the street, you look away with your head down. I don't know why.
Are you shy?
You never see my smile. I think we could be friends if you saw my smile. You would know I am just like you.
Why are you shaking your head?
You don't think I'm just like you, do you? Well, I am. Really! I live in a house and I have friends. I have a mom and a dad who love me. I don't live with them because I'm an adult. You don't live with your mom and dad, either.
See what I mean?
I won't say I told you so. That would be rude. Sometimes I do say the wrong thing, but I'm learning.
Has that ever happened to you?
I would do your entire story like this. White space creates impact and isolating the questions make the reader think and ponder about what it means.
Nice choice of topic and written well.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much! I agree with your idea and I will go back in and edit. Great suggestion. Thanks. :-)
Comment from Spiritual Echo
You make very strong points and I didn't have to read the author's notes to realize this person had a disability of some sort.
The diary/letter format was perfect for this post and you handled the revelations and rhetorical questions with great style.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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You make very strong points and I didn't have to read the author's notes to realize this person had a disability of some sort.
The diary/letter format was perfect for this post and you handled the revelations and rhetorical questions with great style.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Thank you very much. I do appreciate the positive feedback! :-)
Jani
Comment from royowen
Such a sad story, how can you not talk to disabled people, as if they are not people, and just as precious as any " abled" person, this was beautifully written work, looking though the eyes of a sweet innocent soul, who deserves much better treatment! This was articulately written, well designed, good structure, I found it absorbingly written, well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Such a sad story, how can you not talk to disabled people, as if they are not people, and just as precious as any " abled" person, this was beautifully written work, looking though the eyes of a sweet innocent soul, who deserves much better treatment! This was articulately written, well designed, good structure, I found it absorbingly written, well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much, Roy. I really appreciate it.
Jani
Comment from lancellot
This is sort of rambling. Yes, there are people who could be a friend to you, or not. They are under no obligation to be your or anyone else friend, and they chose not to be. That is their right as free people. It saddens me when I hear people calling those , who just may want to be alone, narrow minded, think they are shunning someone, when they are exercising their right as a free human.
Most of us want friends, and if we have them, then that is a blessing a precious gift, but it is not a right.
Thought provoking piece.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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This is sort of rambling. Yes, there are people who could be a friend to you, or not. They are under no obligation to be your or anyone else friend, and they chose not to be. That is their right as free people. It saddens me when I hear people calling those , who just may want to be alone, narrow minded, think they are shunning someone, when they are exercising their right as a free human.
Most of us want friends, and if we have them, then that is a blessing a precious gift, but it is not a right.
Thought provoking piece.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Thanks for the feedback, Lancellot. It is written from the perspective of someone with a mental disability. Not saying anyone has to be "friends," but I see this every day out in the community. People will say hello to perfect strangers, but if that 'stranger' looks a little different, as many of our individuals do, they look right through them as though they don't exist.
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Or perhaps they simply don't know what to say, so chose to remain neutral and not offend.
