Pistol Pete, Mom and Me
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Greetings from Trayvon"Jack has a problem. His mom is his coach.
16 total reviews
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Gretchen.
Another great chapter. You are very in-tune to this age group, how they react to situations and show this well in your writing. Taking the star player out of the group is well done. What you're showing so well is team work, rather than a star, who outshines the rest.
I can remember when my son played hockey. He wasn't good, but had a great attitude. The star of his team used to steal the puck from his own players during games to ensure the win. His father was the coach and never stopped this. My son completed the year and moved into another sport.
Your story really shows the importance of team sportsmanship. Great story!
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014
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Hi, Gretchen.
Another great chapter. You are very in-tune to this age group, how they react to situations and show this well in your writing. Taking the star player out of the group is well done. What you're showing so well is team work, rather than a star, who outshines the rest.
I can remember when my son played hockey. He wasn't good, but had a great attitude. The star of his team used to steal the puck from his own players during games to ensure the win. His father was the coach and never stopped this. My son completed the year and moved into another sport.
Your story really shows the importance of team sportsmanship. Great story!
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 07-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014
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I have fourkids, right now I am in twelve year old world. A boy, who plays basketball. These reactions from Jack are some of my son's reactions to certain things. Thank you for the wonderful review and the great comments. Gretchen
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Hi, Gretchen.
Our kids are great for inspirations in our writing. Mine are now 19 and 20, but I can remember how they acted at 12. You've shown this so well in your book. Your son sounds like a great kid, one who's sparked many ideas for you. Mine have done the same for me.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi Gretchen,
Love the last spot on line, "This practice is quite the learning experience."
My dad used to ump my brother's Little League games. Then, when he and my mom visited when my boys were growing up, he sub-umped too. Allen got miffed one time when Grandpa called him out on strikes. BUT, his mad only lasted until one of his teammates got mad at HIS grandpa for calling them out, and then he was ready to fight! LOL. Of course, therein was a lesson learned about tolerance, and the world not always being 'perfect'.
Hadn't thought about that for a long time. Thx for the memories!
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax ('-')
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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Hi Gretchen,
Love the last spot on line, "This practice is quite the learning experience."
My dad used to ump my brother's Little League games. Then, when he and my mom visited when my boys were growing up, he sub-umped too. Allen got miffed one time when Grandpa called him out on strikes. BUT, his mad only lasted until one of his teammates got mad at HIS grandpa for calling them out, and then he was ready to fight! LOL. Of course, therein was a lesson learned about tolerance, and the world not always being 'perfect'.
Hadn't thought about that for a long time. Thx for the memories!
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax ('-')
Comment Written 04-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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I am drawing on a lot of my own experiences with AAu Basketball and my son's basketball experience. I have to say I have known more than a few Aarons. LOL> thanks for he grea review. Gretchen
Comment from Zinnia48
The development of this story is great fun. I adore the idea of the mom researching "moves". As usual each character has there own voice and is an essential part of moving the story along. Caroline
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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The development of this story is great fun. I adore the idea of the mom researching "moves". As usual each character has there own voice and is an essential part of moving the story along. Caroline
Comment Written 03-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Dee has no idea what goes on I basketball so she looks on youtube and has become infatuated with Pete Maravich. thank you so much for the wonderful review. Gretchen
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I like the lady's style--not daunted by what she doesn't know and embraces the challenge whole heartedly. Caroline
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This didn't come into my PM box either. I have three author's I found here. I am not happy. This is a good post and I am glad I found it. It's so true about friends and enemies and such a hard lesson.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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This didn't come into my PM box either. I have three author's I found here. I am not happy. This is a good post and I am glad I found it. It's so true about friends and enemies and such a hard lesson.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Thnak you for the great review. Just posted another chapter so hopefully it will come through in your message box. Thanks, Gretchen
Comment from adewpearl
Even though, Aaron isn't around - drop that comma
When I don't do anything but stare at his hand, - add comma
come back on the court, and we start - add comma
excellent dialogue throughout
I like the way Mom is getting through bit by bit to some of the boys
Brooke
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Even though, Aaron isn't around - drop that comma
When I don't do anything but stare at his hand, - add comma
come back on the court, and we start - add comma
excellent dialogue throughout
I like the way Mom is getting through bit by bit to some of the boys
Brooke
Comment Written 02-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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thank you for the great review an the helpful comments. Gretchen
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Everyone is learning more than wild moves from their new coach. Things are not always as they appear on the surface.
Jack is surprised to learn Trayvon is not such a good friend to Aaron. Jack will see a lot of changes. Just watch Billie change. LOL Nancy
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Everyone is learning more than wild moves from their new coach. Things are not always as they appear on the surface.
Jack is surprised to learn Trayvon is not such a good friend to Aaron. Jack will see a lot of changes. Just watch Billie change. LOL Nancy
Comment Written 02-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Billy is the sleeper character in this. He will become a bigger part of the story shortly. Great review and I thank you for it. Gretchen
Comment from Msmasero
Your chapters are just perfect- not short, not long. I rarely appreciate a long read. I am following your story keenly. Here you seem to realize that Aaron isn't all that through two people. I like the way you sandwiched the cliche "keep your enemies closer & friends close". And I like the way you aren't sure if you are the enemy or the friend. This is our current life. It isn't easy knowing which friends are for you & which ones aren't. This happens even in schools....This is the vibe I am getting. I enjoy reading this.
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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Your chapters are just perfect- not short, not long. I rarely appreciate a long read. I am following your story keenly. Here you seem to realize that Aaron isn't all that through two people. I like the way you sandwiched the cliche "keep your enemies closer & friends close". And I like the way you aren't sure if you are the enemy or the friend. This is our current life. It isn't easy knowing which friends are for you & which ones aren't. This happens even in schools....This is the vibe I am getting. I enjoy reading this.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Thank you for the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from lynglyng
a very good story line. I could feel the embarrassment that the son felt. I have my own nine year old and it reminds me of him. The story drew me in from the beginning and I would like to know if the team bonded with mom the coach.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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a very good story line. I could feel the embarrassment that the son felt. I have my own nine year old and it reminds me of him. The story drew me in from the beginning and I would like to know if the team bonded with mom the coach.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Thank you for the wonderful review and the interest. Gretchen
Comment from chasennov
Chapter 9 of the book Pistol Pete, Mom and Me Jack and Trayvon talk. "Greetings from Trayvon" Sorry I'm not a middle school reader. Fantastic story when mom gets involved in your sport. This is actually well written and what else can I say, but well done.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Chapter 9 of the book Pistol Pete, Mom and Me Jack and Trayvon talk. "Greetings from Trayvon" Sorry I'm not a middle school reader. Fantastic story when mom gets involved in your sport. This is actually well written and what else can I say, but well done.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Thank you for the honest and wonderful review. Gretchen
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You are most welcome, Gretchen.
Comment from Jay Squires
I hear his voice in the morning, [Spacing error. Either new paragraph or bring to end of previous line.]
Hopefully he's talking about Aaron and not me, [Funny observation]
So far, your novel is moving along on one line of conflict. With Coach Parker helping her, a second plotline will probably develop.
Good work, Gretchen.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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I hear his voice in the morning, [Spacing error. Either new paragraph or bring to end of previous line.]
Hopefully he's talking about Aaron and not me, [Funny observation]
So far, your novel is moving along on one line of conflict. With Coach Parker helping her, a second plotline will probably develop.
Good work, Gretchen.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Thank you for the wonderful review. Second plot line coming up soon. LOL Gretchen
