Hey, Mr Kerry, I want your job!
Can't do worse than this...29 total reviews
Comment from strandregs
am short-sighted, naâ?¢ve, simplistic, a puppet of the liberal press (Oooohh!) and anti-Semitic - and all.
It's not a very exciting peace.
And if you knew what kerry means in hebrew you would cry yourself laughing.
It means. Uncontrolled ejaculation.
How ridiculesly precise is that.
And I ain't joking as my favorite short story champion would say.
There you can't say I didn't quote him too.
I gave you four stars for making a lot of people in pain in more pain.
It hurts us too and a lot. To hear the death toll hyper diabolically grow from day to day.
Every fallen soldier for us as a nation and individually is traumatic.
That is why I didn't believe they would send troops in.
Knowing we are creating a new generation of terrorists.
What can be worst.
Do you have a niece with a two week old baby who runs into a wardrobe when the siren goes?
Because she's fed up of running down 4 flights of stairs when the siren goes?
Don't take any of this personally.
A daughter who cries every time you talk to her because the tension and stress has unballanced her.
Etc. Etc. Etc.
AND THIS IS BEFORE ISRAEL STARTED BOMBING.
yes I get carried away.
You will find very few jews israeli or world wide who are happy about what's happening.
They have been bombed mortard and exploded since I was a little boy in the 1960s.
Considering after the holocost they proclaimed NEVER AGAIN
I think they have shown extreme restraint.
You have to be in the man's shoes to judge.
Or at least his slippers.
I only get two reviewers. So I'm piggy backing.
In future I expect more cut throat satire. Not wishy washy like this.
You know I love you so deal with it
:-) in good humour Z.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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am short-sighted, naâ?¢ve, simplistic, a puppet of the liberal press (Oooohh!) and anti-Semitic - and all.
It's not a very exciting peace.
And if you knew what kerry means in hebrew you would cry yourself laughing.
It means. Uncontrolled ejaculation.
How ridiculesly precise is that.
And I ain't joking as my favorite short story champion would say.
There you can't say I didn't quote him too.
I gave you four stars for making a lot of people in pain in more pain.
It hurts us too and a lot. To hear the death toll hyper diabolically grow from day to day.
Every fallen soldier for us as a nation and individually is traumatic.
That is why I didn't believe they would send troops in.
Knowing we are creating a new generation of terrorists.
What can be worst.
Do you have a niece with a two week old baby who runs into a wardrobe when the siren goes?
Because she's fed up of running down 4 flights of stairs when the siren goes?
Don't take any of this personally.
A daughter who cries every time you talk to her because the tension and stress has unballanced her.
Etc. Etc. Etc.
AND THIS IS BEFORE ISRAEL STARTED BOMBING.
yes I get carried away.
You will find very few jews israeli or world wide who are happy about what's happening.
They have been bombed mortard and exploded since I was a little boy in the 1960s.
Considering after the holocost they proclaimed NEVER AGAIN
I think they have shown extreme restraint.
You have to be in the man's shoes to judge.
Or at least his slippers.
I only get two reviewers. So I'm piggy backing.
In future I expect more cut throat satire. Not wishy washy like this.
You know I love you so deal with it
:-) in good humour Z.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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Thanks for reviewing.
probably enough said on this for now. I appreciate the insight into your feelings.
Steve
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Yes, indeed. A round of applause and a virtual six from me, Steve. What bothers me most is that if you dare to speak out about what is going on, you are automatically branded as being anti-semitic. Which is a load of bollocks. Wrong is wrong. Doesn't matter what banner you're flying or which 'holy' creed you follow.
Well said.
Av
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Yes, indeed. A round of applause and a virtual six from me, Steve. What bothers me most is that if you dare to speak out about what is going on, you are automatically branded as being anti-semitic. Which is a load of bollocks. Wrong is wrong. Doesn't matter what banner you're flying or which 'holy' creed you follow.
Well said.
Av
Comment Written 01-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Av. I have already been branded as anti-Semitic.
What has really tickled me is that Lee (Humpwistle) wrote a really funny review of this and then half a dozen others have misread his jocular comments as being criticism - 'I have to agree with Humpwhistle ....'
I think most of the furore has died down now! :O)
Steve
Comment from sgalletti
Loved this one Steve. Kerry is a fool, as are most of the "advisers" in President Obama's administration. They are all clueless. Good luck getting the job! I'd like to replace them all. Sue
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Loved this one Steve. Kerry is a fool, as are most of the "advisers" in President Obama's administration. They are all clueless. Good luck getting the job! I'd like to replace them all. Sue
Comment Written 01-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Sue. I don't really know much about the man, but that particular comment just about made me fall out of the armchair!
Steve
Comment from rama devi
HI Steve - good point! This is well paced (except for the one looooong sentence), clever and lucid. Humorous, too.Good satirical tone and style.
NOTES
Now(,) I wouldn't normally consider myself to have the qualifications to tackle such a prestigious job, but then last night I saw the incumbent, John Kerry, on our evening news and I was immediately reassured that(,) no matter what my abilities are, I couldn't possibly be any worse than this nincompoop.
Such a HUGE run on sentence. May I suggest making it two? Best to start a new one after AND:
Now, I wouldn't normally consider myself to have the qualifications to tackle such a prestigious job, but then last night I saw the incumbent, John Kerry, on our evening news. I was immediately reassured that, no matter what my abilities are, I couldn't possibly be any worse than this nincompoop.
*
Here is what Mr Kerry had to say - I've paraphrased it a little because I'm just recalling it from memory:
Suggest using a parenthesis instead of dash:
Here is what Mr Kerry had to say (I've paraphrased it a little because I'm just recalling it from memory):
*
"We are working closely with our friends(,) the Israelis(,) to solve the problem of how to reduce civilian casualties."
Great closing line--really 'strikes at the root of the matter:
Stop bloody shooting them!
As most of the minor nits are comma issues, easily fixable, five stars in advance.
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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HI Steve - good point! This is well paced (except for the one looooong sentence), clever and lucid. Humorous, too.Good satirical tone and style.
NOTES
Now(,) I wouldn't normally consider myself to have the qualifications to tackle such a prestigious job, but then last night I saw the incumbent, John Kerry, on our evening news and I was immediately reassured that(,) no matter what my abilities are, I couldn't possibly be any worse than this nincompoop.
Such a HUGE run on sentence. May I suggest making it two? Best to start a new one after AND:
Now, I wouldn't normally consider myself to have the qualifications to tackle such a prestigious job, but then last night I saw the incumbent, John Kerry, on our evening news. I was immediately reassured that, no matter what my abilities are, I couldn't possibly be any worse than this nincompoop.
*
Here is what Mr Kerry had to say - I've paraphrased it a little because I'm just recalling it from memory:
Suggest using a parenthesis instead of dash:
Here is what Mr Kerry had to say (I've paraphrased it a little because I'm just recalling it from memory):
*
"We are working closely with our friends(,) the Israelis(,) to solve the problem of how to reduce civilian casualties."
Great closing line--really 'strikes at the root of the matter:
Stop bloody shooting them!
As most of the minor nits are comma issues, easily fixable, five stars in advance.
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 01-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Rama, thanks for the kind review and the tips. You are definitely right about that sentence and I will check out the commas too.
I wrote this in about two minutes and like most other reviewers I was more concerned with content than style. I have received more rockets than Israel!
Thanks again - reviewing vote on its way - not that you need them!
Steve
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Aw, thanks Steve, for your gracious response. The content is super--so the rockets make sense. :)
Warm Smiles, rd
Comment from rhymelord
Dear Steve,
First, the writing is first class. Clear, succinct and witty. I have carefully read all the storm of comments you have raised and that in itself must be proof of the efficacy of your writing. I will NOT join in on either side, but would like to comment on your comment:
South Island versus North - I would say relative size/strength would make Australia versus NZ a better analogy. Would NZ defend ourselves - you BET."
I merely point out that you already have this situation. It's called the Bledisloe Cup.
Reg
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Dear Steve,
First, the writing is first class. Clear, succinct and witty. I have carefully read all the storm of comments you have raised and that in itself must be proof of the efficacy of your writing. I will NOT join in on either side, but would like to comment on your comment:
South Island versus North - I would say relative size/strength would make Australia versus NZ a better analogy. Would NZ defend ourselves - you BET."
I merely point out that you already have this situation. It's called the Bledisloe Cup.
Reg
Comment Written 01-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Ha!
I didn't realise so many people read what others had written before posting reviews - something I have very rarely done.
What surprises me is the number of reviewers citing Humpwhistle in support of their attacks when his review was very clearly written with tongue planted firmly in cheek.
I would normally sit on the fence too, but I couldn't resist lampooning Kerry's piece of idiocy.
Steve
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'onyamate.
Comment from JBCaine
Kiwi-
While I couldn't agree more that you (or practically anyone else) could likely do a better job than Mr. Kerry, I do have to stop and marvel at your lack of factual basis for most of this.
I am absolutely sure you know a lot more about U.S. politics than I know about the Kiwi political system (of course I know nothing). Nevertheless, I was not aware that the military had been turned over to the Dept. of State, or that the U.S. was bloody shooting anyone in that particular mess. (We've got our sticky fingers in more than enough messes elsewhere at the moment.)
I have to go with Hump on this one, my friend. It takes two to tango, and one side of this mess would stop killing the other if left alone. The other would take being left alone as an invitation. There are no true "good guys" in this mix, neither side is without blame, but there is a huge matter of reality you have blithely chosen to skip over.
Regardless of all that, a very enjoyable read, well done, and as the genre states, satirically presented.
Best to you.
JBCaine-
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Kiwi-
While I couldn't agree more that you (or practically anyone else) could likely do a better job than Mr. Kerry, I do have to stop and marvel at your lack of factual basis for most of this.
I am absolutely sure you know a lot more about U.S. politics than I know about the Kiwi political system (of course I know nothing). Nevertheless, I was not aware that the military had been turned over to the Dept. of State, or that the U.S. was bloody shooting anyone in that particular mess. (We've got our sticky fingers in more than enough messes elsewhere at the moment.)
I have to go with Hump on this one, my friend. It takes two to tango, and one side of this mess would stop killing the other if left alone. The other would take being left alone as an invitation. There are no true "good guys" in this mix, neither side is without blame, but there is a huge matter of reality you have blithely chosen to skip over.
Regardless of all that, a very enjoyable read, well done, and as the genre states, satirically presented.
Best to you.
JBCaine-
Comment Written 01-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Thanks for the review.
The only fact I offered in the piece was what John Kerry said. Yes, I skipped over some facts of necessity - I don't think anyone would have read a 3-volume history. My only real point was that Kerry's comment was stupid.
As for the US not shooting anyone here, that may be true. All they are doing is supplying the weapons and the ammunition!
"one side of this mess would stop killing the other if left alone. The other would take being left alone as an invitation" A well-publicised Israeli point of view, I believe it was from Netanyahu. I don't see any more reason to believe it entirely than any other politician's statement.
Current score: Israel 1500 (mostly civilians) Palestinians 65 (mostly soldiers of an invading army) Time to call off the game?
Steve
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PS Did you even read what Humpwhistle wrote?
He was joking, I know he was joking and he knows that I know he was joking
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Wait, what? Hump was joking? Why, that Commie Bastid. I've half a mind to fly out East and administer noogies on him until he begs for mercy.
No need to be offended. I guess I've lived in California too long. It always bothers me when only half the story is told.
I believe I mentioned that I recognized the satirical nature of your piece.
Be cool.
JBC_
Comment from Narvik
Steve put me down as a reference for that job. You got my vote.
I've been watching that drama in Gaza unfold and it's like a cheap horror show. Bombing schools and hospitals?
You could also probably do better than Kerry in the Ukraine, Iraq, Syria, Afghanistan, the Sudan, and on and on.
Great satire, my friend.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Steve put me down as a reference for that job. You got my vote.
I've been watching that drama in Gaza unfold and it's like a cheap horror show. Bombing schools and hospitals?
You could also probably do better than Kerry in the Ukraine, Iraq, Syria, Afghanistan, the Sudan, and on and on.
Great satire, my friend.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Thanks for the review and the six stars. I've copped a bit of flak for this even though I was aiming at one stupid statement more than I was taking sides. But, that said:
Current score: Israel 1500 (mostly civilians) Palestinians 65 (mostly soldiers of an invading army) Time to call off the game?
Steve
Comment from Emily George
Ha, I'm still holding my breath, and now I'm having a giggle at you simple solution.
Your right that would save the day, and I think you should go for secretary of state.
Well written succinct, to the point and humorous ,which is always a political bonus
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Ha, I'm still holding my breath, and now I'm having a giggle at you simple solution.
Your right that would save the day, and I think you should go for secretary of state.
Well written succinct, to the point and humorous ,which is always a political bonus
Comment Written 31-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Emily. Good to raise a giggle out of a dreadful situation. I was just gob-smacked by the idiocy of the comment.
Steve
Comment from Erik McGinley
Dear Mr Kerry,
please remember that Kerry belongs to Kerry. Shoot this brainless asshole. S/he thinks that stirring up shit will get them a better wage.
I'll give you a pound of lead to pay him/her with.
Personally, I quite liked Kerry.
As far as Americans go.
I'm Canadian though ;)
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Dear Mr Kerry,
please remember that Kerry belongs to Kerry. Shoot this brainless asshole. S/he thinks that stirring up shit will get them a better wage.
I'll give you a pound of lead to pay him/her with.
Personally, I quite liked Kerry.
As far as Americans go.
I'm Canadian though ;)
Comment Written 31-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Erik.
Steve
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Bleh sometimes I go back and read my reviews and wonder what drugs I was on when I wrote them :P
I probably went tangential on this one because American politics baffle me ;)
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Personally, Steve, I think you're tilting at windmills, but I understand the sentiment. This area war will go on forever and the participants don't even want to declare peace. The death and destruction is sickening, and the hatred more so. You wrote a very strong piece and perhaps we would have peace if you became Secretary of State! Good luck, Giddy
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Personally, Steve, I think you're tilting at windmills, but I understand the sentiment. This area war will go on forever and the participants don't even want to declare peace. The death and destruction is sickening, and the hatred more so. You wrote a very strong piece and perhaps we would have peace if you became Secretary of State! Good luck, Giddy
Comment Written 31-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Giddy.
It's a tragic mess and those windmills are pretty huge!
Steve
