Greenwood
Viewing comments for Prologue "Greenwood"This is a story of rejection and reclamation.
26 total reviews
Comment from Cian Mateo
Your post has an interesting twist at the end that I didn't expect. Good imagery. Well written.
Good luck!
Cian Mateo
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Your post has an interesting twist at the end that I didn't expect. Good imagery. Well written.
Good luck!
Cian Mateo
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
Comment from barbara.wilkey
WOW! This is a very interesting twist. I hadn't expected it at all. You got me good. I enjoyed reading and good luck with the contest.
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WOW! This is a very interesting twist. I hadn't expected it at all. You got me good. I enjoyed reading and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
Comment from Dean Kuch
So, let me see if I've got this straight. Knowing me, I'm probably wrong, LOL...
The lawyer, the one reading the will to Donna, was told by Mrs. Webster, the house sitter (or so it seemed at first glace), to lure her daughter, Donna, to a reading of her will, when in fact, Mrs. Webster was not the house sitter at all, but Donna's real mother? Is that right? Initially when reading it, I felt the lawyer was going to turn out to be Donna's mom. I knew there had to be a twist to the story somewhere, as one of the characters in it had to be disguised in some way. In addition, you seemed to take great lengths at making the lawyer's sex unknown, always referencing them as "the lawyer".
Good story in any event, and I wish you the best of luck in your contest.
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So, let me see if I've got this straight. Knowing me, I'm probably wrong, LOL...
The lawyer, the one reading the will to Donna, was told by Mrs. Webster, the house sitter (or so it seemed at first glace), to lure her daughter, Donna, to a reading of her will, when in fact, Mrs. Webster was not the house sitter at all, but Donna's real mother? Is that right? Initially when reading it, I felt the lawyer was going to turn out to be Donna's mom. I knew there had to be a twist to the story somewhere, as one of the characters in it had to be disguised in some way. In addition, you seemed to take great lengths at making the lawyer's sex unknown, always referencing them as "the lawyer".
Good story in any event, and I wish you the best of luck in your contest.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi,
Whoops, nothing like a great beginning for a novel, which I hope you turn this into. It's really a great start, with the hook you left the reader to gnaw on.
Well done. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax
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Hi,
Whoops, nothing like a great beginning for a novel, which I hope you turn this into. It's really a great start, with the hook you left the reader to gnaw on.
Well done. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
Comment from Judy Couch
The story is well written and draws the reader in. I enjoyed it until I got to the end. The end is very confusing. If she inherited the mansion from her adoptive parents, why were they so poor. If she inherited it from her birth mother, why wasn't the woman living in the mansion. I understand the need to keep it under 500 words but even at that, it needs some explaining.
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The story is well written and draws the reader in. I enjoyed it until I got to the end. The end is very confusing. If she inherited the mansion from her adoptive parents, why were they so poor. If she inherited it from her birth mother, why wasn't the woman living in the mansion. I understand the need to keep it under 500 words but even at that, it needs some explaining.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
Comment from Charlene0513
That would certainly be a shock and leave her speechless.
Good structure and emotion felt in the building up to the big moment. What utter helplessness to behold such a gift in awe.
Charlene
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That would certainly be a shock and leave her speechless.
Good structure and emotion felt in the building up to the big moment. What utter helplessness to behold such a gift in awe.
Charlene
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
Comment from joann r romei
Wow, u got me with that one, i often wondered how strange it would be to not know your biological mom, u did a great job with the prompt,
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Wow, u got me with that one, i often wondered how strange it would be to not know your biological mom, u did a great job with the prompt,
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
Comment from gypsycaravan
'her tears finally sought relief in free-fall.'--I love this description.
'untied Shooter'--have no idea what this is supposed to mean.
Who is Mrs. Webster.
This could be a first chapter in a novel as there are so many questions for the reader left unanswered. Many would want to turn the page to find out what is going on. Not sure I understand "where is the disguise?"
The writing is accomplished re: grammar and spelling. Good luck in the contest.
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'her tears finally sought relief in free-fall.'--I love this description.
'untied Shooter'--have no idea what this is supposed to mean.
Who is Mrs. Webster.
This could be a first chapter in a novel as there are so many questions for the reader left unanswered. Many would want to turn the page to find out what is going on. Not sure I understand "where is the disguise?"
The writing is accomplished re: grammar and spelling. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
Comment from rrabinow
I enjoyed reading your story. Great job with the disguise story. Great use of description. Great flow from start to finish. And great picture. Best of luck.
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I enjoyed reading your story. Great job with the disguise story. Great use of description. Great flow from start to finish. And great picture. Best of luck.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
Comment from Nosha17
Well written story with the element of surprise amidst the confusion of the main character. Good use of descriptive language, dialogue, narrative and it read really well. Good luck in the contest. Faye
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Well written story with the element of surprise amidst the confusion of the main character. Good use of descriptive language, dialogue, narrative and it read really well. Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
