Too Ordinary
an afternoon passes97 total reviews
Comment from Raphael Montonaro
OK.....this reminds me so much as e.e.cummings.I would take that as a compliment! Not many people can make this style of poetry work. Great job!
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
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OK.....this reminds me so much as e.e.cummings.I would take that as a compliment! Not many people can make this style of poetry work. Great job!
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
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Believe me, I am humbled. Thank you so much.
Comment from Leineco
I simply cannot resist
joining you on this walk;
a slow meander through time
reflecting on piquant flavors
that gather and rumble
in the coming thunder.
a walk, a pace, a place
senses...mine
a sense of time
and the will
to wrestle it
ahh. . .the ease of being. Accepting the weight
of the baggage accumulated; balancing the load
in silent contemplation
a garden
where simplicity grows
a life to love
and stopping to smell the roses, the lillies, the petunias
and the memories
tree house,
sitting time
like poetry imprisoned
by structure
"tree house, sitting time like poetry imprisoned by structure" - this stanza took my breath away. You have sketched out the imagery
of a stoic tree, an empty tree house - left behind, but still holding
onto the essence of its once vibrant life.
And yet, by simply moving the comma "tree house sitting time, like poetry imprisoned by structure" you have evoked juxtaposed images
of longing for soaring; escaping the chains of restraint. Youth -vs- Experienced; Innocence -vs- profusion.
put on that t-shirt again...
ah, the dreams it contained
this stanza (10 little words) speaks volumes. You sent me
scrabbling through my memories; T-Shirts marking the
passage of time, the evolution of moods and interests,
the dreams that peaked, then fluttered by. . .
silent dusk
thunderstorm's
peaceful violence
peaceful violence - wow! A seeming oxymoron - and yet,
how many times have I reveled in the softly echoed grumble
of a distant thunderstorm, the lullabye-esque murmur of muffled clashes retreating
such a time
when I spent it
like a sailor
this one is a bit like frosted glass for me - a sailor's memories,
or a nod to the concept of "days of drunken splendor", or something intensely personal? My take boiled down to the idea of carefree, footloose, buoyancy. . .
now,
the storm rolls in-
a comfort
and companion to me
and so the stroll through time reaches home/the present. And still,
for all its turbulent bluster, I feel comforted to have confronted, and continue to confront it.
I seek the fall,
the turn,
the stirring
of tea leaves
and yet, there is tomorrow on the horizon. And the tea leaves
hold the portent - time itself will march on, and the turns will
unwind as they will, and night will fall, as it always has.
a stumble
with confidence
becomes a dance
and I, the need
to tap it
ah - but now comes the codicil. The stumble/trip/slip
that changes the saunter to dancing. . .a tap dance step
of frantic recovery.
Ambitious poem. . .I enjoyed plunging into it. :-)
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
 |
I simply cannot resist
joining you on this walk;
a slow meander through time
reflecting on piquant flavors
that gather and rumble
in the coming thunder.
a walk, a pace, a place
senses...mine
a sense of time
and the will
to wrestle it
ahh. . .the ease of being. Accepting the weight
of the baggage accumulated; balancing the load
in silent contemplation
a garden
where simplicity grows
a life to love
and stopping to smell the roses, the lillies, the petunias
and the memories
tree house,
sitting time
like poetry imprisoned
by structure
"tree house, sitting time like poetry imprisoned by structure" - this stanza took my breath away. You have sketched out the imagery
of a stoic tree, an empty tree house - left behind, but still holding
onto the essence of its once vibrant life.
And yet, by simply moving the comma "tree house sitting time, like poetry imprisoned by structure" you have evoked juxtaposed images
of longing for soaring; escaping the chains of restraint. Youth -vs- Experienced; Innocence -vs- profusion.
put on that t-shirt again...
ah, the dreams it contained
this stanza (10 little words) speaks volumes. You sent me
scrabbling through my memories; T-Shirts marking the
passage of time, the evolution of moods and interests,
the dreams that peaked, then fluttered by. . .
silent dusk
thunderstorm's
peaceful violence
peaceful violence - wow! A seeming oxymoron - and yet,
how many times have I reveled in the softly echoed grumble
of a distant thunderstorm, the lullabye-esque murmur of muffled clashes retreating
such a time
when I spent it
like a sailor
this one is a bit like frosted glass for me - a sailor's memories,
or a nod to the concept of "days of drunken splendor", or something intensely personal? My take boiled down to the idea of carefree, footloose, buoyancy. . .
now,
the storm rolls in-
a comfort
and companion to me
and so the stroll through time reaches home/the present. And still,
for all its turbulent bluster, I feel comforted to have confronted, and continue to confront it.
I seek the fall,
the turn,
the stirring
of tea leaves
and yet, there is tomorrow on the horizon. And the tea leaves
hold the portent - time itself will march on, and the turns will
unwind as they will, and night will fall, as it always has.
a stumble
with confidence
becomes a dance
and I, the need
to tap it
ah - but now comes the codicil. The stumble/trip/slip
that changes the saunter to dancing. . .a tap dance step
of frantic recovery.
Ambitious poem. . .I enjoyed plunging into it. :-)
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
-
Your review is a work of poetic essence. I continue to savor it.
Comment from skye
Favorite lines in a wonderful poem about the day and our feelings about the very ordinariness. These lines point out how quickly they pass.
such a time
when I spent it
like a sailor
Excellent.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
|
Favorite lines in a wonderful poem about the day and our feelings about the very ordinariness. These lines point out how quickly they pass.
such a time
when I spent it
like a sailor
Excellent.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
-
Thank you.
Comment from DALLAS01
when one learns the secret of luxuriating in the ordinary, he is indeed knocking on the door of serenity. We humans tend to think that unless something is complicated, that it is somehow lacking in worth. A great invitation to jump off the merry-go-round.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
|
when one learns the secret of luxuriating in the ordinary, he is indeed knocking on the door of serenity. We humans tend to think that unless something is complicated, that it is somehow lacking in worth. A great invitation to jump off the merry-go-round.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
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How very true. Excellent point. Thank you.
-
:.)
Comment from Rubylou
I enjoyed this wonderful poem that made me travel back to some fond memories. You re words flow with a light free feel. This is a great work. Rubylou
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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I enjoyed this wonderful poem that made me travel back to some fond memories. You re words flow with a light free feel. This is a great work. Rubylou
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Thank you, Ruby.
Comment from lappmellott
I really enjoyed your poem and the photograph is very charming. I can tell that you had to reach within yourself to write this poem. Back five or six years, I learned what truly is important in my life and what wasn't I no longer worry about the things that truly don't matter to me, which, actually, is quite a bit. Great job.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
|
I really enjoyed your poem and the photograph is very charming. I can tell that you had to reach within yourself to write this poem. Back five or six years, I learned what truly is important in my life and what wasn't I no longer worry about the things that truly don't matter to me, which, actually, is quite a bit. Great job.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Thank you.
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You're welcome.
Comment from harmony13
Excellent Poem! The poem flows and connects well. The author's words are clear, descriptive and creative. The poem is thought provoking. The artwork is perfect and compliments this poem.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Excellent Poem! The poem flows and connects well. The author's words are clear, descriptive and creative. The poem is thought provoking. The artwork is perfect and compliments this poem.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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I thank you.
Comment from nomi338
Life itself with all the steps you learn as you navigate your way through it, become an involved dance routine with intricate steps that somehow work for you but not necessarily someone else. Your interesting verses had me moving harmoniously in time with the beat.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
|
Life itself with all the steps you learn as you navigate your way through it, become an involved dance routine with intricate steps that somehow work for you but not necessarily someone else. Your interesting verses had me moving harmoniously in time with the beat.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
-
Thank you.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
In the early morning hours, I take my dog outside. The sunlight is just starting in the East. I get to hear all the sound of the day waking up. It's wonderful. Your poem reminded me of that time. It's perfect.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
|
In the early morning hours, I take my dog outside. The sunlight is just starting in the East. I get to hear all the sound of the day waking up. It's wonderful. Your poem reminded me of that time. It's perfect.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
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What a beautiful image to take me along with you. Thank you.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Thanks for the pleasure of reading your pleasant poem that draws attention to some of those special things that we often take for granted. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
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Thanks for the pleasure of reading your pleasant poem that draws attention to some of those special things that we often take for granted. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014
-
Thank you.
