Texas Dream Catcher
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "CHAPTER TRES, PART UNO"Drug & human trafficking, can romance win?
58 total reviews
Comment from seaglass
It seems to me like a good plot. I need to go back and read the first 4 chapters. I like native stories and there are too few of them considering they are the first Americans.
The only error I might have found is below. All other references to this character is (Soni) so thought you may have accidently added an (a)
"After Tatiana nodded, (Sonia) continued, "Why didn't you and Alex have your own children?"
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
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It seems to me like a good plot. I need to go back and read the first 4 chapters. I like native stories and there are too few of them considering they are the first Americans.
The only error I might have found is below. All other references to this character is (Soni) so thought you may have accidently added an (a)
"After Tatiana nodded, (Sonia) continued, "Why didn't you and Alex have your own children?"
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
-
Thank you dropping by and leaving this kind review. Took care of it.
Comment from elgone
This is a good chapter showing Soni's growing connection to her native American heritage.
Look at the line:
He scooped up some runny egg yolk - I suggest using 'sopped' instead of 'scooped'. That is actually what you are doing with a biscuit and runny eggs.
E
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
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This is a good chapter showing Soni's growing connection to her native American heritage.
Look at the line:
He scooped up some runny egg yolk - I suggest using 'sopped' instead of 'scooped'. That is actually what you are doing with a biscuit and runny eggs.
E
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
-
Thank you dropping by and leaving this kind review. Took care of it.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, Barbara, you did an excellent job writing this chapter. soni needs to have some guidance and her grandfather tells her how to find it....
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
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this is very well written, Barbara, you did an excellent job writing this chapter. soni needs to have some guidance and her grandfather tells her how to find it....
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
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Thank you dropping by and leaving this kind review. LOL
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
This chapter seems a very strong one in the story, Barbara. I enjoyed it and feel much more comfortable about the characters now, having sorted them all out in my mind, Giddy
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
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This chapter seems a very strong one in the story, Barbara. I enjoyed it and feel much more comfortable about the characters now, having sorted them all out in my mind, Giddy
Comment Written 27-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
-
Thank you dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from Twilightspire
I must be late catching the errors, because I didn't see any. The dialogue was tight and you used it well enough to tell us some of the backstory.
Your character interaction is spot-on and believable for people that know each other in a comfortable way.
The plot is easy to follow and your style lulls us into a wonderful trance, living the story instead of reading it.
Great work.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
|
I must be late catching the errors, because I didn't see any. The dialogue was tight and you used it well enough to tell us some of the backstory.
Your character interaction is spot-on and believable for people that know each other in a comfortable way.
The plot is easy to follow and your style lulls us into a wonderful trance, living the story instead of reading it.
Great work.
-T.J.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
-
Thank you dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from chasennov
Chapter 5 of the book Texas Dream Catcher Soni makes a decision. "CHAPTER TRES, PART UNO" This is a swell chapter you have created here. I liked it from beginning to end. I do not often get to read your work now, because my wife gets in before me. Well done.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
|
Chapter 5 of the book Texas Dream Catcher Soni makes a decision. "CHAPTER TRES, PART UNO" This is a swell chapter you have created here. I liked it from beginning to end. I do not often get to read your work now, because my wife gets in before me. Well done.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
-
Thank you dropping by and leaving this kind review. Took care of it.
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You are most welcome, Barbara.
Comment from colorfree
Nicely written, very interesting. I think I'll have to go back and read the rest. I have many suggestions for you, they are all in parentheses. Don't be discouraged, I only want to help. Thanks for sharing!
Soni woke up to Goliath's low rumbling growl. "I hear it too, boy. What's going on?"
She glanced at her alarm clock. Two-thirty! After (walking to the window) and slightly adjusting the curtain to the side, she watched Jim talking on his cell but couldn't make out the words.
Who (is he) talking to and what (is he) talking about?
He walked (back) inside.
"What's he doing now?" When she heard his bedroom door close, she got out of bed and went into the living room. Both dogs followed.
Alex stood near the front door. "You heard him too?" He raised (a) finger to his lips, reminding her to whisper.
"Yep. Any idea what's going on?"
"No, I'm going back to bed. Maybe we'll find out in the morning."
*****
The following morning, Alex and Tatiana were already at the table when Soni entered the room. "Has any one checked on our visitor this morning?"
"He was awake early. I took him some coffee and breakfast. I figured if he could walk outside he didn't need clear broth." Tatiana set her napkin on the table. "Are you ready for something to eat or just (remove "want") coffee (for) now?"
"I'll get it myself. Enjoy your breakfast." Soni walked into the kitchen.
After some clattering of dishes, Soni joined Alex and Tatiana at the table.
Alex didn't look at Soni, but said, "You made plenty of noise in there. How about telling me what's on your mind?" He scooped up some runny egg yolk with a piece of biscuit.
"I'm in charge of this entire ranch, all 725,000 acres, and I don't have a clue what to do about Jim. Dad would know and would have already done it." Soni plopped into the chair.
"You're doing great. You delivered a foal yesterday, attended the land develop(ment) meeting, and both went well. As for Jim, we don't know anything. I'm sure if there comes a time to act, you'll know exactly what to do. For now, enjoy your breakfast and don't worry about things (that might never happen)." Alex took a drink of coffee, empting his cup. "I'm going out to see how Dulchinae's doing. Come out when you're ready."
Soni watched Alex saunter out the front door. "I guess I deserved that little lecture, didn't I?" She stared at her plate.
"Alex loves you like a daughter. He wants you to succeed. It's unusual for a female to run (remove "this large of") a ranch (this large) and to do it well." Tatiana reached over and touched Soni's arm.
"You would've been a great mom. You always know what to say to make me feel better." Soni placed her hand over Tatiana's and their eyes met. "Can I ask a random question?" After Tatiana nodded, Sonia continued, "Why didn't you and Alex have your own children?"
"We wanted children. The Good Lord (decided) it wasn't meant to be. (Now) finish your breakfast. I need to go to town and get groceries. I want the dishes done before I leave. I'll see if Jim is finished." Tatiana left the kitchen.
*****
After Soni finished breakfast and did some paperwork, she and her dogs went to the barn. Alex held a pitch fork. Soni smiled. "It looks like you got stuck with cleaning the stables."
Alex used a kerchief to wipe his brow. "Gus went to get a load of feed for the horses. Somebody has to do it. Where (are) you off to?"
"I thought I'd saddle Midnight and go for a ride." Soni petted Dulchinae's muzzle. "You're soft (remove the comma) girl." Soni offered her a carrot before she petted Midnight. "Want to go out today (remove the comma) boy?"
"Want company?"
"Thank you, but not this time. I need to do some soul searching." Soni picked up a saddle blanket and put it on the stallion's back.
(Remove "Next") Alex (followed with) the saddle and tightened the girth.
"You know I can do that, don't you?" Soni slipped on her riding gloves.
"I know. You (started saddling) your own horse as soon as you were big enough to reach their backs. Just thought I'd help." He took a rifle from the gun case and handed it to her. "Keep it handy."
"I may not be back in time for lunch, so don't send out the troops." Soni grinned. "Besides, I'll have the boys with me."
"They never leave your side and once Goliath figures out how to ride in a helicopter, he'll be there too." Alex petted the large dog.
"I think he knows how, he's just afraid of heights. Adios." Soni climbed up onto the solid black stallion. "I have my cell." She patted her leather vest pocket and then strolled off with Goliath and Mack by her side.
*****
(In the) early afternoon, Soni found herself at (the) Rockin' A cemetery. She stepped down from Midnight, set her riding gloves on the saddle, and dropped the reigns, allowing the horse to nibble on what grass he could find. The two large dogs guarded from under a shade tree.
Soni knelt between her mom and dad's graves. Tears welled in her eyes and trickled down her cheeks. "I miss you both so much. Dad, I'm trying my best to keep the ranch running like you would. I need your guidance."
A cloud blocked the sun casting a shadow over the gravestones. Soni glanced up as she wiped tears from her cheeks, and then continued, "On my way home from Laredo, I found an injured man. He'd fallen off Old Grizzly onto the yuccas. They stabbed him pretty bad(ly so) I brought him home to heal. He may be dangerous."
Goliath nuzzled Soni (remove comma) before she added. "Should I call the sheriff? But I really don't know anything, except he had an arsenal with him. Or should I just wait for him to leave? Grandfather ministered to him and said he felt he was good, but surrounded by evil. What should I do? You always knew how to handle all situations. I'll wait for your answer." She hung her head, and her shoulders sagged.
Moments later, Soni sat straighter. "Grandfather, how did you know where to find me?"
"How did you know I was here?" Kuruk smiled at his granddaughter.
"You can't answer a question with a question." Soni turned and smiled. "You can always tell when I need help. How do you do that?"
"Your answers are found within the Naiyenesgani. Listen to his guidance."
"I don't know (the) Great Creator. How can I hear him?"
"You are half Lipan Apache."
"But only half, Grandfather." Soni stood.
That is enough, my child. Your mother's bijii is strong in you."
"I can feel Mother's heart, but I was raised by my dad. He was of German descent. His ancestors came here straight from Germany. A large part of who I am is from him, Alex, and Tatiana. They're both Mexicanos."
"Listen to the Great Creator." Kuruk sat on the ground and motioned for Soni to do the same. "Now take a deep breath to clear your mind. In the silence, you will hear the answers you are looking for."
*****
After a long silence, Soni opened her eyes and searched the area. "Grandfather? I know he was here. Wasn't he?"
Goliath lumbered to Soni and laid his large head in her lap. She smiled (as) she petted the furry white dog. After (standing), she prayed silently over her ancestors' graves. (Turning she) said, "(Ready Midnight)?"
Soni petted Mack and said, "Yes, you're a good boy too," before she mounted the horse. As the black stallion walked, Soni said, "I know what I must do."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
 |
Nicely written, very interesting. I think I'll have to go back and read the rest. I have many suggestions for you, they are all in parentheses. Don't be discouraged, I only want to help. Thanks for sharing!
Soni woke up to Goliath's low rumbling growl. "I hear it too, boy. What's going on?"
She glanced at her alarm clock. Two-thirty! After (walking to the window) and slightly adjusting the curtain to the side, she watched Jim talking on his cell but couldn't make out the words.
Who (is he) talking to and what (is he) talking about?
He walked (back) inside.
"What's he doing now?" When she heard his bedroom door close, she got out of bed and went into the living room. Both dogs followed.
Alex stood near the front door. "You heard him too?" He raised (a) finger to his lips, reminding her to whisper.
"Yep. Any idea what's going on?"
"No, I'm going back to bed. Maybe we'll find out in the morning."
*****
The following morning, Alex and Tatiana were already at the table when Soni entered the room. "Has any one checked on our visitor this morning?"
"He was awake early. I took him some coffee and breakfast. I figured if he could walk outside he didn't need clear broth." Tatiana set her napkin on the table. "Are you ready for something to eat or just (remove "want") coffee (for) now?"
"I'll get it myself. Enjoy your breakfast." Soni walked into the kitchen.
After some clattering of dishes, Soni joined Alex and Tatiana at the table.
Alex didn't look at Soni, but said, "You made plenty of noise in there. How about telling me what's on your mind?" He scooped up some runny egg yolk with a piece of biscuit.
"I'm in charge of this entire ranch, all 725,000 acres, and I don't have a clue what to do about Jim. Dad would know and would have already done it." Soni plopped into the chair.
"You're doing great. You delivered a foal yesterday, attended the land develop(ment) meeting, and both went well. As for Jim, we don't know anything. I'm sure if there comes a time to act, you'll know exactly what to do. For now, enjoy your breakfast and don't worry about things (that might never happen)." Alex took a drink of coffee, empting his cup. "I'm going out to see how Dulchinae's doing. Come out when you're ready."
Soni watched Alex saunter out the front door. "I guess I deserved that little lecture, didn't I?" She stared at her plate.
"Alex loves you like a daughter. He wants you to succeed. It's unusual for a female to run (remove "this large of") a ranch (this large) and to do it well." Tatiana reached over and touched Soni's arm.
"You would've been a great mom. You always know what to say to make me feel better." Soni placed her hand over Tatiana's and their eyes met. "Can I ask a random question?" After Tatiana nodded, Sonia continued, "Why didn't you and Alex have your own children?"
"We wanted children. The Good Lord (decided) it wasn't meant to be. (Now) finish your breakfast. I need to go to town and get groceries. I want the dishes done before I leave. I'll see if Jim is finished." Tatiana left the kitchen.
*****
After Soni finished breakfast and did some paperwork, she and her dogs went to the barn. Alex held a pitch fork. Soni smiled. "It looks like you got stuck with cleaning the stables."
Alex used a kerchief to wipe his brow. "Gus went to get a load of feed for the horses. Somebody has to do it. Where (are) you off to?"
"I thought I'd saddle Midnight and go for a ride." Soni petted Dulchinae's muzzle. "You're soft (remove the comma) girl." Soni offered her a carrot before she petted Midnight. "Want to go out today (remove the comma) boy?"
"Want company?"
"Thank you, but not this time. I need to do some soul searching." Soni picked up a saddle blanket and put it on the stallion's back.
(Remove "Next") Alex (followed with) the saddle and tightened the girth.
"You know I can do that, don't you?" Soni slipped on her riding gloves.
"I know. You (started saddling) your own horse as soon as you were big enough to reach their backs. Just thought I'd help." He took a rifle from the gun case and handed it to her. "Keep it handy."
"I may not be back in time for lunch, so don't send out the troops." Soni grinned. "Besides, I'll have the boys with me."
"They never leave your side and once Goliath figures out how to ride in a helicopter, he'll be there too." Alex petted the large dog.
"I think he knows how, he's just afraid of heights. Adios." Soni climbed up onto the solid black stallion. "I have my cell." She patted her leather vest pocket and then strolled off with Goliath and Mack by her side.
*****
(In the) early afternoon, Soni found herself at (the) Rockin' A cemetery. She stepped down from Midnight, set her riding gloves on the saddle, and dropped the reigns, allowing the horse to nibble on what grass he could find. The two large dogs guarded from under a shade tree.
Soni knelt between her mom and dad's graves. Tears welled in her eyes and trickled down her cheeks. "I miss you both so much. Dad, I'm trying my best to keep the ranch running like you would. I need your guidance."
A cloud blocked the sun casting a shadow over the gravestones. Soni glanced up as she wiped tears from her cheeks, and then continued, "On my way home from Laredo, I found an injured man. He'd fallen off Old Grizzly onto the yuccas. They stabbed him pretty bad(ly so) I brought him home to heal. He may be dangerous."
Goliath nuzzled Soni (remove comma) before she added. "Should I call the sheriff? But I really don't know anything, except he had an arsenal with him. Or should I just wait for him to leave? Grandfather ministered to him and said he felt he was good, but surrounded by evil. What should I do? You always knew how to handle all situations. I'll wait for your answer." She hung her head, and her shoulders sagged.
Moments later, Soni sat straighter. "Grandfather, how did you know where to find me?"
"How did you know I was here?" Kuruk smiled at his granddaughter.
"You can't answer a question with a question." Soni turned and smiled. "You can always tell when I need help. How do you do that?"
"Your answers are found within the Naiyenesgani. Listen to his guidance."
"I don't know (the) Great Creator. How can I hear him?"
"You are half Lipan Apache."
"But only half, Grandfather." Soni stood.
That is enough, my child. Your mother's bijii is strong in you."
"I can feel Mother's heart, but I was raised by my dad. He was of German descent. His ancestors came here straight from Germany. A large part of who I am is from him, Alex, and Tatiana. They're both Mexicanos."
"Listen to the Great Creator." Kuruk sat on the ground and motioned for Soni to do the same. "Now take a deep breath to clear your mind. In the silence, you will hear the answers you are looking for."
*****
After a long silence, Soni opened her eyes and searched the area. "Grandfather? I know he was here. Wasn't he?"
Goliath lumbered to Soni and laid his large head in her lap. She smiled (as) she petted the furry white dog. After (standing), she prayed silently over her ancestors' graves. (Turning she) said, "(Ready Midnight)?"
Soni petted Mack and said, "Yes, you're a good boy too," before she mounted the horse. As the black stallion walked, Soni said, "I know what I must do."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
-
Thank you dropping by and leaving this helpful review. I have made the changes.
Comment from pbroussard209
This was a very interesting chapter, I liked how you lead Soni on a journey of both self discovery and finding the answers she was looking for.
I really enjoyed this chapter you added just enough mystery to make me eager for the answers. Why was Jim outside talking on the phone in the middle of the night? Who is he and why is grandfather saying he is a good man surrounded by evil? What evil?
Awesome job all the way around.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
|
This was a very interesting chapter, I liked how you lead Soni on a journey of both self discovery and finding the answers she was looking for.
I really enjoyed this chapter you added just enough mystery to make me eager for the answers. Why was Jim outside talking on the phone in the middle of the night? Who is he and why is grandfather saying he is a good man surrounded by evil? What evil?
Awesome job all the way around.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
-
Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from Aplgwest
Another good chapter. I am interested in finding out what Soni decided to do. Below are a few suggestions. --Elaine
land developing meeting,/land development meeting
For now, enjoy your breakfast and don't worry about things you might never have to worry about." /Enjoy your breakfast and quit worrying before you need to."
large of a ranch/I started out looking up whether large of a ranch or large a ranch was more correct, but I ended up reading about the difference between "large" and "big." They are nearly interchangeable, though "large" is a bit more formal, and is often used with amounts, "a large number of acres." Big is less formal and often refers to overall size. So, perhaps:" this big a ranch and do it well."
"Finish your breakfast/Eat your breakfast/
if Jim is finished/if Jim is done (to avoid using "finish" three times)
"Gus went to get load/a load
placed on the saddle/placed the saddle
He was of German descent. His ancestors came here straight from Germany./I think the second sentence is not needed, unless you want to expand on how long ago they came: his grandfather, parents, or...
I know he was here./I am not sure who you mean: her father or the creator?
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
|
Another good chapter. I am interested in finding out what Soni decided to do. Below are a few suggestions. --Elaine
land developing meeting,/land development meeting
For now, enjoy your breakfast and don't worry about things you might never have to worry about." /Enjoy your breakfast and quit worrying before you need to."
large of a ranch/I started out looking up whether large of a ranch or large a ranch was more correct, but I ended up reading about the difference between "large" and "big." They are nearly interchangeable, though "large" is a bit more formal, and is often used with amounts, "a large number of acres." Big is less formal and often refers to overall size. So, perhaps:" this big a ranch and do it well."
"Finish your breakfast/Eat your breakfast/
if Jim is finished/if Jim is done (to avoid using "finish" three times)
"Gus went to get load/a load
placed on the saddle/placed the saddle
He was of German descent. His ancestors came here straight from Germany./I think the second sentence is not needed, unless you want to expand on how long ago they came: his grandfather, parents, or...
I know he was here./I am not sure who you mean: her father or the creator?
Comment Written 27-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
-
Thank you for dropping by and leaving this helpful review.
Comment from Janie King
Was a very interesting chapter. i can't imagine trying to run such a large farm. This guy would definitely put one on guard. Great chapter. God loves you and so do I.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
|
Was a very interesting chapter. i can't imagine trying to run such a large farm. This guy would definitely put one on guard. Great chapter. God loves you and so do I.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2014
-
Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
