Tarnished
Triolet26 total reviews
Comment from Writingfundimension
Your poem really speaks to me, Debbie. I'm glad someone else has noticed how meanness is becoming socially acceptable, even rewarded in our culture. I blame the media for a lot of that. Your poem is really well crafted and was a pleasure to read. Hugs, Bev
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Your poem really speaks to me, Debbie. I'm glad someone else has noticed how meanness is becoming socially acceptable, even rewarded in our culture. I blame the media for a lot of that. Your poem is really well crafted and was a pleasure to read. Hugs, Bev
Comment Written 24-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Yes, the media and too many working parents. Glad you enjoyed this. Hugs~Debbie
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Sure did! :) Bev
Comment from NurseBarb
Beautiful Triolet Debbie with a message that unfortunately is true these days. There are still good people out there, however. Its seems that our youth is the key problem now. No respect, no remorse for their actions. It's disturbing. You have great rhyming here and I enjoyed this read.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Beautiful Triolet Debbie with a message that unfortunately is true these days. There are still good people out there, however. Its seems that our youth is the key problem now. No respect, no remorse for their actions. It's disturbing. You have great rhyming here and I enjoyed this read.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Thank you. Some days it is hard to find something positive to write about. Hugs, my friend~Debbie
Comment from mumsyone
Hi Debbie,
Good poem with a great message. It seems the Golden Rule doesn't apply anymore.
My only suggestion would be to remove 'for' from these lines:
We've allowed for it to tarnish
We've allowed for it to tarnish
(We've allowed it to tarnish)
Hugs,
Lois
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Hi Debbie,
Good poem with a great message. It seems the Golden Rule doesn't apply anymore.
My only suggestion would be to remove 'for' from these lines:
We've allowed for it to tarnish
We've allowed for it to tarnish
(We've allowed it to tarnish)
Hugs,
Lois
Comment Written 24-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Thank you, my friend. I thought triolets were supposed to have * syllables, but do like yours better. Hugs~Debbie
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Hi Debbie,
I suppose they are, but when syllable count forces us to ruin a poem for the sake of syllable count, it isn't worth it. In my opinion, it's much better to have a poem that readers enjoy and may look twice at than to worry about syllable count. Think about it: If your poem were published outside FS, I doubt that one reader would stop to count the syllables, yet, if they trip over syllables or words that shouldn't be there, they wouldn't be likely to read it again. What do you think? Of course, as I said, this is my opinion, and it's probably wrong, but you know me! Ha!
Hugs,
Lois
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What do you think of 'We have allowed it to tarnish'?
I don't think some reviewers even read, they just count syllables. LOL. Hugs~Debbie
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Yes, I think that would work just fine; much better than the original.
I agree about those who are only interested in counting syllables. Just like in the Japanese forms; that's all they think about. Evidently, their idea of poetry is just syllable count, no message, nothing else.
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Good, I have changed it and bravely tonight, wrote a poem with an extra syllable. Hope the poetry police aren't on the way. Hugs, Debbie
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Unless it is for a contest, is there any reason why you have to "identify" your poem as a particular form? If you don't call it a particular form, you won't have to worry about the poetry police. At least I wouldn't think so.
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True. That's a good thought. Maybe I am trying too hard to be poetically correct. Did you get Ribbons. Two of my tanka are in it :) Hugs, Debbie
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No, I didn't get the latest Ribbons. Congratulations on your publications!
Hugs,
Lois
Comment from seaglass
This is interesting; each line beginning with the same letter, repetition of lines and rhyming pattern. the message is a needed one. More and more people disregard this wonderful mantra. Greed and selfishness have replaced it.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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This is interesting; each line beginning with the same letter, repetition of lines and rhyming pattern. the message is a needed one. More and more people disregard this wonderful mantra. Greed and selfishness have replaced it.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Thank you so very much, my friend. Hugs~Debbie
Comment from RGstar
Yes, Debbie. The golden rule seemed to have become less golden and perhaps only stay that way for the few who embraces its morals.
''What happened to the Golden Rule[?]
Which we learned at both church and school?''
One thing. You need to use the question mark after ''school'' instead of ''rule''above
Best wishes,
RG
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Yes, Debbie. The golden rule seemed to have become less golden and perhaps only stay that way for the few who embraces its morals.
''What happened to the Golden Rule[?]
Which we learned at both church and school?''
One thing. You need to use the question mark after ''school'' instead of ''rule''above
Best wishes,
RG
Comment Written 24-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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oops--you are so right. I'll fix that. Thank you, my friend~Debbie
Comment from krys123
Debbie;
a very masterfully written piece of work and an excellent piece of poetry that I enjoyed reading very much in which the lines were so well together in this triolet poem.
The rhyming words you used are superb and neither of them are forced nor labored while you rhythm does flow so smoothly throughout your poem.
Thank you for sharing and posting this for everyone to read and may all your endeavors be good ones.
Alex
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Debbie;
a very masterfully written piece of work and an excellent piece of poetry that I enjoyed reading very much in which the lines were so well together in this triolet poem.
The rhyming words you used are superb and neither of them are forced nor labored while you rhythm does flow so smoothly throughout your poem.
Thank you for sharing and posting this for everyone to read and may all your endeavors be good ones.
Alex
Comment Written 24-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Thank you so very much, my friend. ~Debbie
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You are so sincerely welcome Debbie
Comment from acerisestory
This is a beautifully-written triolet, Debbie! I have yet to write one but look forward to trying one of these days. The rhyme scheme appears very complicated, and yet you make it look easy. Your repeated line fits so well, and the flow is smooth. Great message: what did happen to the Golden Rule?
Thank you for sharing. Alana
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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This is a beautifully-written triolet, Debbie! I have yet to write one but look forward to trying one of these days. The rhyme scheme appears very complicated, and yet you make it look easy. Your repeated line fits so well, and the flow is smooth. Great message: what did happen to the Golden Rule?
Thank you for sharing. Alana
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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You should try one. They scared me at first too, but now I love them. Thank you so very much, my friend. Hugs~Debbie~Debbie
Comment from kiwijenny
This was very good...and I love the tarnish to the gold of the golden rule...well done.Roy Owen has inspired me before..........
This was very good Debbie...clever and with a deep message
God bless
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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This was very good...and I love the tarnish to the gold of the golden rule...well done.Roy Owen has inspired me before..........
This was very good Debbie...clever and with a deep message
God bless
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Thank you so very much, my friend. Hugs~Debbie
Comment from Patti R.
Hi Debbie, Triolet is one of my favorite forms. Yours here is lovely. And I agree, what has happened to some of those "rules" we were raised with?
The all W beginnings added another layer, a way to tie everything together. Nicely done.
Patti
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Hi Debbie, Triolet is one of my favorite forms. Yours here is lovely. And I agree, what has happened to some of those "rules" we were raised with?
The all W beginnings added another layer, a way to tie everything together. Nicely done.
Patti
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Thank you so very much, my friend. ~Debbie
Comment from royowen
We need to apprehend individually and collectively, but I guess even if just one of us observes, that is a positive, never give up even when others are forgetful in those things that are important! Keep reminding people, Debbie, and don't give up, for as sure as the sun rises in the morning, hope has not died! Great write here Debbie, thank you for mentioning me, I didn't realise I had inspired something! You have always inspired and exhorted me to do better! Bless you, dear friend, Roy.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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We need to apprehend individually and collectively, but I guess even if just one of us observes, that is a positive, never give up even when others are forgetful in those things that are important! Keep reminding people, Debbie, and don't give up, for as sure as the sun rises in the morning, hope has not died! Great write here Debbie, thank you for mentioning me, I didn't realise I had inspired something! You have always inspired and exhorted me to do better! Bless you, dear friend, Roy.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2014
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Your writing is always an inspiration, my friend. Thank you and have a blessed evening~Debbie
