Josiah Hezekiah
a love story in rhyme139 total reviews
Comment from humpwhistle
Got here as soon as I could, Brooke. I thought
for sure would be an entry in the Story/Poem contest.
Don't you use such names for those sometimes?
Anyway I love the sea chanty rhythm and repetitions.
Sawyer looks to have sea legs. I'll have the crab legs.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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Got here as soon as I could, Brooke. I thought
for sure would be an entry in the Story/Poem contest.
Don't you use such names for those sometimes?
Anyway I love the sea chanty rhythm and repetitions.
Sawyer looks to have sea legs. I'll have the crab legs.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 26-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much, Lee - I had already entered something else in the contest :-) I wish they'd let us decide which of our poems to enter once the six months of the contest is over - I'm forever coming up with a better entry than the one I went with. LOL Sawyer was not happy with the life jacket, but his mother shut him up with the promise of a possible octopus sighting. When the ride was coming to an end, he looked at her all innocent and asked her where the hell the octopuses were. Well, he might not have said hell... LOL :-) Brooke
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Well, if he didn't say hell, he was probably thinking it. Good manners.
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yeah, he knew he'd been had, but there were cool seals on the pier at the end of the ride, so he decided to let his mom's lie slide :-)
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Brooke. Very nice indeed...as usual. You are the best on the site...but of course you know that. LOL This entire piece flows so well:
"osiah Hezekiah cast his fate upon the waves
and now has found the love he sought,
a love that lifts and saves, and saves,
a love that lifts and saves. "
Blessings (ps. did you get my message about the poem for the contest?) Bye for now. Bob
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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Hi, Brooke. Very nice indeed...as usual. You are the best on the site...but of course you know that. LOL This entire piece flows so well:
"osiah Hezekiah cast his fate upon the waves
and now has found the love he sought,
a love that lifts and saves, and saves,
a love that lifts and saves. "
Blessings (ps. did you get my message about the poem for the contest?) Bye for now. Bob
Comment Written 26-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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Hi, Bob - I just answered your PM about the poem :-) Thanks so much for your thoughtful response to this story poem! Brooke
Comment from Emeka13
Hi Brooke,
This is wonderfully penned. The story flows and the styles makes it a joy to read. A very happy ending for Josiah.
'Josiah Hezekiah, once adrift upon the sea,
now sails with joy within his heart,
as happy as can be, can be,
as happy as can be.'
Well done. Emeka
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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Hi Brooke,
This is wonderfully penned. The story flows and the styles makes it a joy to read. A very happy ending for Josiah.
'Josiah Hezekiah, once adrift upon the sea,
now sails with joy within his heart,
as happy as can be, can be,
as happy as can be.'
Well done. Emeka
Comment Written 26-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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Emeka, thank you so much for your generous response to my story poem :-) Brooke
Comment from HeavenlyDreads
This is a wonderful poem. It flowed so nicely. The story is so beautiful and touching. This poem reads like a folktale, which I absolutely love. The accompanying picture is adorable as well. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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This is a wonderful poem. It flowed so nicely. The story is so beautiful and touching. This poem reads like a folktale, which I absolutely love. The accompanying picture is adorable as well. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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Heavenly Dreads, thanks so much for your thoughtful review :-) Brooke
Comment from Just Pete
As I read this, I could envisage a lad with a lyre, entertaining the court in medieval days. Sounds of "Merry old England" I suppose. A well written song that flows perfectly. Amusing and entertaining, it earned those awards. Pete
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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As I read this, I could envisage a lad with a lyre, entertaining the court in medieval days. Sounds of "Merry old England" I suppose. A well written song that flows perfectly. Amusing and entertaining, it earned those awards. Pete
Comment Written 26-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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Pete, thank you so much for your generous response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from OLA THOMAS
I love this poem based on skill and scheme of the work. It has some tinge of a blitz poem in presentation and character. The repetition offers the poem a sort of linking anchor and emphasis. Love this
ola thomas
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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I love this poem based on skill and scheme of the work. It has some tinge of a blitz poem in presentation and character. The repetition offers the poem a sort of linking anchor and emphasis. Love this
ola thomas
Comment Written 26-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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Ola, thank you so much for your generous response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from Donya Quijote
First, I just love the name of this young lover. Poem definitely has folk song look and feel. Great repeating bits and lines. Very nice rhythmic feel and quality. Damn I wish I could sing and play my guitar like a blues or folk great, I'd have everyone singing this tune...
Love the motif of the sea and related stuff. The sea is a great metaphor for loneliness, especially when it's flat and the only sound it the crash of the water and the ship. You can hear it in both topside and below...
For every lad there is a lass Josiah had been told... Boy, I hope this line goes both ways, but as I approach 50 years I am beginning to doubt it.
Outstanding sea yarn. I hope it really was a mermaid not a manatee, like the Spanish sailors saw. Great little spin on the mermaid/siren tale. Love them and this, and this one because it does have a happy ending.
This story in a poem gave a flashback to the movie Splash. Think I'll put it on my wish list... Fantabulous poem...
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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First, I just love the name of this young lover. Poem definitely has folk song look and feel. Great repeating bits and lines. Very nice rhythmic feel and quality. Damn I wish I could sing and play my guitar like a blues or folk great, I'd have everyone singing this tune...
Love the motif of the sea and related stuff. The sea is a great metaphor for loneliness, especially when it's flat and the only sound it the crash of the water and the ship. You can hear it in both topside and below...
For every lad there is a lass Josiah had been told... Boy, I hope this line goes both ways, but as I approach 50 years I am beginning to doubt it.
Outstanding sea yarn. I hope it really was a mermaid not a manatee, like the Spanish sailors saw. Great little spin on the mermaid/siren tale. Love them and this, and this one because it does have a happy ending.
This story in a poem gave a flashback to the movie Splash. Think I'll put it on my wish list... Fantabulous poem...
Comment Written 25-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Donya, thank you so much, my friend, for your thoughtful response to this story poem and for your generous six stars. I've seen manatees, and all I can say is it sure takes one vivid imagination to think one of them is a beautiful girl. LOL :-) Brooke
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Add some fear, near starvation, and some scurvy to the mix after being adrift for days in the Sargasso Sea and the loneliness of the voyage, I think its possible. I wonder what effect the stench of the ship had on the crew too. I'll bet you it could make the eyes water. Oh, and they didn't have TV. LOL I do agree with you though I have never seen one live, just one TV. I was a PBS aholic before the signal went digital and now I can't get it...
Comment from Joseph W. Sestrich
On this sea of life we float upon its surface always on the very edge of it depth. Sometimes we set for the shore thinking we cannot endure to explore it more. It has been said that some cannot see the forest from the trees. I think it's true,and meant to be, that it is hard to distinguish the water from the sea. That is until the storm of seeking stills. It is the difference between for and seeing.
A very enjoyable and thought provoking read.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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On this sea of life we float upon its surface always on the very edge of it depth. Sometimes we set for the shore thinking we cannot endure to explore it more. It has been said that some cannot see the forest from the trees. I think it's true,and meant to be, that it is hard to distinguish the water from the sea. That is until the storm of seeking stills. It is the difference between for and seeing.
A very enjoyable and thought provoking read.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Joseph, thank you for your thoughtful response to this story poem :-) Brooke
Comment from Genya
This was brilliantly done. I had a tune going to it before reaching verse 3 . A lovely story poem with a very happy ending. Loved the repetition, very catching and helped to reinforce the message you were aiming to get across. Now I just want to get out my roll up piano and write up a tune for this. I could imagine people singing this, a nice sea shanty maybe. Loved it. I also have a weakness for mermaids and mermaid stories and poems. So glad I read this. Genya
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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This was brilliantly done. I had a tune going to it before reaching verse 3 . A lovely story poem with a very happy ending. Loved the repetition, very catching and helped to reinforce the message you were aiming to get across. Now I just want to get out my roll up piano and write up a tune for this. I could imagine people singing this, a nice sea shanty maybe. Loved it. I also have a weakness for mermaids and mermaid stories and poems. So glad I read this. Genya
Comment Written 25-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much, Genya - I'd love to hear the song :-) Brooke
Comment from Preston McWhorter
Hi,:-)Brooke,
"Josiah Hezekiah" is an ingeniously excellent rhyming verse with two rhyming refrains in each stanza. While they are excellent rhymes and carry the story the repetitive line a may be a bit much when carried for 13 stanzas. The poem does have excellent flow and rhythm.
Preston
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Hi,:-)Brooke,
"Josiah Hezekiah" is an ingeniously excellent rhyming verse with two rhyming refrains in each stanza. While they are excellent rhymes and carry the story the repetitive line a may be a bit much when carried for 13 stanzas. The poem does have excellent flow and rhythm.
Preston
Comment Written 25-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Preston,thank you for your thoughtful feedback :-) Brooke
