When You Are Silent
A Sonnet in Blank Verse32 total reviews
Comment from Just2Write
Beautiful words, Adonna. The Blank Verse form is not easy to do - and especially so, in using it with Sonnet format. It was interesting to see the use of feminine word endings on some lines, such as:
No sound of bird song breaks the stifling silence
I see your smile, as if in ghostly spectrum
For me, the scansion went off on:
and wonder if you're thinking about me.
and WONder IF you're THINK ing a BOUT me.
the 'ing' and 'a' in about break from iambic pentameter.
Suggestion:
and wonder if you still have thoughts of me.
or something similar. I know you will find a solution.
Rose.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Beautiful words, Adonna. The Blank Verse form is not easy to do - and especially so, in using it with Sonnet format. It was interesting to see the use of feminine word endings on some lines, such as:
No sound of bird song breaks the stifling silence
I see your smile, as if in ghostly spectrum
For me, the scansion went off on:
and wonder if you're thinking about me.
and WONder IF you're THINK ing a BOUT me.
the 'ing' and 'a' in about break from iambic pentameter.
Suggestion:
and wonder if you still have thoughts of me.
or something similar. I know you will find a solution.
Rose.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much Rose. I appreciate this kind review so much and agree with your suggestion. I shall try to fix that line immediately. I have to be at my computer to do it right. Thanks so much for caring. MM
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your sonnet in blank verse and the presentation that established the mood well. I especially enjoyed your alliteration of "s's" plus "autumn winds" and "warm rain" similes. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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I admired your sonnet in blank verse and the presentation that established the mood well. I especially enjoyed your alliteration of "s's" plus "autumn winds" and "warm rain" similes. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Joan... thank you SO much for your lovely thoughts about this blank verse sonnet. I always enjoy learning what especially appeals to you. MM
Comment from Deniz22
I go to Him in earnest supplication,
entreating His kind heart to draw you near
and pour upon you blessings like warm rain.
I love this, "warm rain" in particular. Well done, sister and friend, Dennis
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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I go to Him in earnest supplication,
entreating His kind heart to draw you near
and pour upon you blessings like warm rain.
I love this, "warm rain" in particular. Well done, sister and friend, Dennis
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Dennis... Thank you for the wonderful review and for counting this worthy of the extra star. I'm so honored by your kind words and exceptional rating. Blessings... MM
Comment from livelylinda
MissMerri: a lovely poem. It has a calming effect on this reader; the silence and peace mentioned, the distant glow that was warming, etc. Peaceful descriptive words caught my eye more than the restlessness you also described. livelylinda
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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MissMerri: a lovely poem. It has a calming effect on this reader; the silence and peace mentioned, the distant glow that was warming, etc. Peaceful descriptive words caught my eye more than the restlessness you also described. livelylinda
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Thank you for what you said, Linda. I'm always glad if a reader can find peace or joy in my poetry. I like that. MM
Comment from Glasstruth
I read some of the reviews, which some referred to this as free verse. I guess because it doesn't rhyme they think it is. Blank verse and as a sonnet is something I don't think I could do. Superb flow. My favorite line: "while thoughts of you whirl round like autumn winds." Also, the ending is great, in that silence is where peace is found. Wonderfully written. Les
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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I read some of the reviews, which some referred to this as free verse. I guess because it doesn't rhyme they think it is. Blank verse and as a sonnet is something I don't think I could do. Superb flow. My favorite line: "while thoughts of you whirl round like autumn winds." Also, the ending is great, in that silence is where peace is found. Wonderfully written. Les
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Thank you so very much Les. I know not everyone is familiar with this form, but I'm so glad you are. I liked what you said about this poem, and appreciate very much your pointing out the lines you especially liked. Thank you for this excellent review. MM
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You welcome :)
Comment from Charlene0513
To MissMerri,
A rather melancholy poem addressing your desolate feelings portrayed when the evenings never seem to end.
Good use of similes: while thoughts of you whirl round like autumn winds
-and pour upon you blessings like warm rain.
Enjambments used.
Charlene
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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To MissMerri,
A rather melancholy poem addressing your desolate feelings portrayed when the evenings never seem to end.
Good use of similes: while thoughts of you whirl round like autumn winds
-and pour upon you blessings like warm rain.
Enjambments used.
Charlene
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much Charlene. I really enjoyed your analytical review. Your encouragement is always greatly appreciated. MM
Comment from GWinterwin
Such a sad message in this poem. Good word flow tell of restless nights, alone without the one you love. Yes talking to the master can give us relief.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Such a sad message in this poem. Good word flow tell of restless nights, alone without the one you love. Yes talking to the master can give us relief.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Thanks for the great review George. I appreciate this very much.
Comment from mountainwriter49
Dear Adonna
And how, my dear friend, could I now absolutely love this beautifully scribed blank verse Shakesperean Sonnet? The truth is I'm swept away by it as my music plays tonight and Baccus continues to pour vino roso in my cup. Your technique is superb with flawless meter and not the hint of end rhyme or internal line rhyme. The alliteration is just right; effective and not overdone. The theme of the poem is sublime and it has touched me deeply. So very deeply. I am so proud of you for writing this!
BRAVO!
-RR
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Dear Adonna
And how, my dear friend, could I now absolutely love this beautifully scribed blank verse Shakesperean Sonnet? The truth is I'm swept away by it as my music plays tonight and Baccus continues to pour vino roso in my cup. Your technique is superb with flawless meter and not the hint of end rhyme or internal line rhyme. The alliteration is just right; effective and not overdone. The theme of the poem is sublime and it has touched me deeply. So very deeply. I am so proud of you for writing this!
BRAVO!
-RR
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Ray, once more you read, understand and review my poems with so much kindness and strong encouragement. I'm totally blown away, and eternally grateful. Thank you SO much. MM
Comment from Trybuck
I have to wonder what you'll be writing next. From a story poem to blank verse and all in between. Excellent job as always. made me want to write one in response but chose just to complement you this time...Buck
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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I have to wonder what you'll be writing next. From a story poem to blank verse and all in between. Excellent job as always. made me want to write one in response but chose just to complement you this time...Buck
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Well... Thank you Buck for your most generous and kind complements. You know, I think, that I always enjoy your poetic responses to my work. But this was awfully nice too! Thanks a million. Adonna
Comment from l.raven
HI Adonna, for me at night is when prayers seem to reach out...I know He is always there....but in the silence of the night thoughts are louder...a very beautiful...and touching poem...and a beautiful picture...Luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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HI Adonna, for me at night is when prayers seem to reach out...I know He is always there....but in the silence of the night thoughts are louder...a very beautiful...and touching poem...and a beautiful picture...Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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Yes Linda... I know what you mean about the silence of the night. It is so good, then, to know someone is listening and cares about our concerns, isn't it?
Thank you for your kind and understanding comments. They are much appreciated. MM
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you are so very welcome Adonna...xoxo
