Summer Prayers
These are a few of my favorite things......46 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I understand. I am glad the health scare turned out all right. I enjoyed reading your wonderfully written poem. it flowed smoothly and the descriptions were wonderful.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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I understand. I am glad the health scare turned out all right. I enjoyed reading your wonderfully written poem. it flowed smoothly and the descriptions were wonderful.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. Caroline
Comment from Nosha17
The imagery and descriptions are very good and I note the underlying tone of feeling down with thoughts of illness. But, I find without the addition of a little more punctuation and structure, maybe dividing it into verses, it's a little difficult to follow. It has great potential, though. Enjoyable read, Faye
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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The imagery and descriptions are very good and I note the underlying tone of feeling down with thoughts of illness. But, I find without the addition of a little more punctuation and structure, maybe dividing it into verses, it's a little difficult to follow. It has great potential, though. Enjoyable read, Faye
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Thanks, Faye! Your comments about punctuation are interesting. Frequently I get dinged for using too much. I'll go back and look. I appreciate your comments. caroine
Comment from chasennov
"Summer Prayers" The scare must have been quite bad in order to make you grab for the pen. The poem says it all, and is quite well structured and shows a full and deep formulation. Well done.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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"Summer Prayers" The scare must have been quite bad in order to make you grab for the pen. The poem says it all, and is quite well structured and shows a full and deep formulation. Well done.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Caroline
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You are most welcome, Caroline.
Comment from adewpearl
gorgeous presentation of your poem
excellent use of alliteration in your opening line and in later lines
this summered earth - I like that
beautiful detail of setting that creates a positive, life-affirming mood
Brooke
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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gorgeous presentation of your poem
excellent use of alliteration in your opening line and in later lines
this summered earth - I like that
beautiful detail of setting that creates a positive, life-affirming mood
Brooke
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Thanks, Brooke! I don't think I could write without alliteration! Caroline
Comment from kiwijenny
Caroline I wish I had a six for this....health scares are not good .
But your poem is...summered earth....corpse posed......heaven must be even more beautiful as God resides there...I love this oneness with nature of your poem
God bless
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Caroline I wish I had a six for this....health scares are not good .
But your poem is...summered earth....corpse posed......heaven must be even more beautiful as God resides there...I love this oneness with nature of your poem
God bless
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Thanks, Kiwijenny! I appreciate your comments. I think heaven must be attaining oneness with nature (where God is!) Caroline
Comment from Acquired Taste
First, am very happy your health issues are no longer of concern. And from your notes, your poem does reflect the lovely signs in summer that mean so much to you.
I think it's just terrific and lovely the way it is!
AT=/
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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First, am very happy your health issues are no longer of concern. And from your notes, your poem does reflect the lovely signs in summer that mean so much to you.
I think it's just terrific and lovely the way it is!
AT=/
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Thaks, Acquired Taste! I appreciate that you have dropped by to comment. Caroline
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi Zinnia,
I'm so happy that your health issues are resolved. This poem reflects so much that you must have been going through. I'm referring to 'corpse posed' in particular. You're utilizing so many senses which illustrates how much life means to you.
Hugs,
Lou
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Hi Zinnia,
I'm so happy that your health issues are resolved. This poem reflects so much that you must have been going through. I'm referring to 'corpse posed' in particular. You're utilizing so many senses which illustrates how much life means to you.
Hugs,
Lou
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Thanks, Lou! The corpse pose was the last image that came to me. I was lying in the park thinking about the whole situation, and the juxtaposition of fear for my mortality and the abundance of life in nature collided. thanks for your ongoingn support. caroline
Comment from Pyrrho
This is an outstanding poetic creation with a myriad of poetic graces. Of particular note are the many allusions to compelling beauty, and the intelligence and knowledge you display.
However, as one sage I've read wrote, we never finish our poems, we only abandon them. I want to entice you to look again before you abandon this one.
Offering constructive criticism on a six-star-rated poem is usually a waste of time, but I devoted a passel of time to reading this so I will offer it.
1) A copse is a cadaver and a 'copse posed' is posed in the delightful scenes you describe. It is a destructive visual you inspire which detracts from your reader's enjoyment. If it is you pictured in a garden after you pass on (a possible interpretation based on your author's note) it is still a distracting visual. If your intent was something else you might consider word changes so the visual I reluctantly created in my mind's eye will not be inspired in your readers.
2) Finches 'bouncing' give a totally distorted visual of bird movement. 'finches flit' is descriptive of reality and adds a bit of pleasant alliteration, and is almost onomatopoeic to short bird flights.
3) Persephone is the Goddess of Spring not summer. Aestas and Aura are Goddesses of Summer, among many others. I do not know what to suggest here.
4) In your last line, the antecedent for 'her' is not clear. If it is Persephone I suggest dropping 'her' and inserting her name.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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This is an outstanding poetic creation with a myriad of poetic graces. Of particular note are the many allusions to compelling beauty, and the intelligence and knowledge you display.
However, as one sage I've read wrote, we never finish our poems, we only abandon them. I want to entice you to look again before you abandon this one.
Offering constructive criticism on a six-star-rated poem is usually a waste of time, but I devoted a passel of time to reading this so I will offer it.
1) A copse is a cadaver and a 'copse posed' is posed in the delightful scenes you describe. It is a destructive visual you inspire which detracts from your reader's enjoyment. If it is you pictured in a garden after you pass on (a possible interpretation based on your author's note) it is still a distracting visual. If your intent was something else you might consider word changes so the visual I reluctantly created in my mind's eye will not be inspired in your readers.
2) Finches 'bouncing' give a totally distorted visual of bird movement. 'finches flit' is descriptive of reality and adds a bit of pleasant alliteration, and is almost onomatopoeic to short bird flights.
3) Persephone is the Goddess of Spring not summer. Aestas and Aura are Goddesses of Summer, among many others. I do not know what to suggest here.
4) In your last line, the antecedent for 'her' is not clear. If it is Persephone I suggest dropping 'her' and inserting her name.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Pyrrho--thank you so much for the passel of time that you have offered me! Corpse pose (yoga position, also) came because for awhile I felt that I might be dying, and so I laid there thinking about what I would miss, praying for one more season (which apparently I get). Your feedback about finches is correct and I will make that change. Also--I will think about the Persephone comment. You're right about her season--I think was enchanged by the alliteration of perfume of Persephone. Let me think about that. Thanks for all of your support! Caroline
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi Zinnia,
So pleased your health issues are behind you. Always a refreshing feeling.
Your poem is nicely composed poem conveying beautiful imagery of summer, and the many things it has to offer.
Beautiful artwork as well.
Cheers * Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Hi Zinnia,
So pleased your health issues are behind you. Always a refreshing feeling.
Your poem is nicely composed poem conveying beautiful imagery of summer, and the many things it has to offer.
Beautiful artwork as well.
Cheers * Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Thanks, Jax--I appreciate your time and comments. caroline
Comment from colorfree
Well done! I love the word picture you've painted. I just found one typo. Thanks for sharing!
You need to change "prostate" to "prostrate".
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Well done! I love the word picture you've painted. I just found one typo. Thanks for sharing!
You need to change "prostate" to "prostrate".
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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I changed prostate to prostrate (too funny). I'm glad that you enjoyed the poem. Caroline
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I must admit it made me laugh out loud!
