Someone turned me inside out.
Ever had a problem getting centered?22 total reviews
Comment from Acquired Taste
Bathing in life' ashes - terrific visual with that phrase. Seems you have captured the frustrations of trying to get centered - even just a little. I think the artwork presents that as well. Not quite enough firm ground upon which to take a bit of a rest.
Very visual on all counts. Great poem. AT=/
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2014
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Bathing in life' ashes - terrific visual with that phrase. Seems you have captured the frustrations of trying to get centered - even just a little. I think the artwork presents that as well. Not quite enough firm ground upon which to take a bit of a rest.
Very visual on all counts. Great poem. AT=/
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2014
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thanks for the great review and pointing out your favorite line.
Comment from ravenblack
Fading in the fireworks/ spilling silence as I scatter- such excellent closing lines, all the flaw just noise disconnected from silence or inner peace. Everything topsy-turvy and yes, I have had days like this too. "Sailing adolescent's clouds" bothers me. Do you mean a adolescent's clouds, or clouds of your adolescence? If the later, which makes sense, it should be adolescence's which disrupts the rhythm. Why not "adolescent clouds".
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2014
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Fading in the fireworks/ spilling silence as I scatter- such excellent closing lines, all the flaw just noise disconnected from silence or inner peace. Everything topsy-turvy and yes, I have had days like this too. "Sailing adolescent's clouds" bothers me. Do you mean a adolescent's clouds, or clouds of your adolescence? If the later, which makes sense, it should be adolescence's which disrupts the rhythm. Why not "adolescent clouds".
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2014
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Great suggestion. I struggled with that one, couldn't see the forest for the trees.
Comment from Spitfire
Perfect description-getting centered. I tried to do this with the poem! Everything's topsy turvy as they say. The world's all out of focus. Get your act together, as the teacher in me would say. :-)
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Perfect description-getting centered. I tried to do this with the poem! Everything's topsy turvy as they say. The world's all out of focus. Get your act together, as the teacher in me would say. :-)
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Ha ha. I can usually get there in the mornings, it's maintaining that throws me off.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Absolutely terrific imagery in this riddle within a riddle poem. I enjoyed every line and the really creative approach you used here. Has to be read more than once! Great job... Bev
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Absolutely terrific imagery in this riddle within a riddle poem. I enjoyed every line and the really creative approach you used here. Has to be read more than once! Great job... Bev
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Thanks for the great review, Bev.
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You're welcome, Dallas. My pleasure! :) Bev
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Dallas - I enjoyed your craft in this one. Great way to create those moments that seem to have us going in every direction instead of centering and being still within the moment itself. Great word choices and really wonderful expressive writing - I've felt this way lately too:)
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Dear Dallas - I enjoyed your craft in this one. Great way to create those moments that seem to have us going in every direction instead of centering and being still within the moment itself. Great word choices and really wonderful expressive writing - I've felt this way lately too:)
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Comment Written 22-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Getting centered is pretty easy in the mornings, it's staying there that is the problem.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Wow, this is quite profound - seemingly a plea for change/help. Your protagonist seems terribly tortured, and yes, in answer to your lead-in, I do believe everyone has times in life that it is hard to feel centered. Your poem is eloquent and evokes incredible imagery with your wonderful use of metaphor. "Surface dancing on the sun..." was my favorite, followed by "Walking on the ocean floor Blisters on my feet..."
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Wow, this is quite profound - seemingly a plea for change/help. Your protagonist seems terribly tortured, and yes, in answer to your lead-in, I do believe everyone has times in life that it is hard to feel centered. Your poem is eloquent and evokes incredible imagery with your wonderful use of metaphor. "Surface dancing on the sun..." was my favorite, followed by "Walking on the ocean floor Blisters on my feet..."
Comment Written 21-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014
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Thanks for pointing out favorite lines. I can usually get centered in the morning, It's staying there throughout the day that is hard.
Comment from ArtGal
Wow, what a great poem, and I just love this! I think it's because I can relate to the craziness of it, because that's my life right now. Many times I feel upside down, and that's even when not falling. I'd like to dance on the sun and walk on the ocean floor, just to get away from it all. What fun to read, and I did for the third time, so will have to bookmark this one! I really enjoyed. . .Sharon
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Wow, what a great poem, and I just love this! I think it's because I can relate to the craziness of it, because that's my life right now. Many times I feel upside down, and that's even when not falling. I'd like to dance on the sun and walk on the ocean floor, just to get away from it all. What fun to read, and I did for the third time, so will have to bookmark this one! I really enjoyed. . .Sharon
Comment Written 21-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much for the great review and the bonus star. We've all been there at one time or another.
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You're so very welcome, dear one.
Comment from livelylinda
DALLAS01: WOW! This is unique, fresh, intriguing and well worth the read. You are definitely writing from an inside out position. . .hmmmmmm. I'm not attempting to understand this piece, I am simply admiring your words. Very clever! livelylinda
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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DALLAS01: WOW! This is unique, fresh, intriguing and well worth the read. You are definitely writing from an inside out position. . .hmmmmmm. I'm not attempting to understand this piece, I am simply admiring your words. Very clever! livelylinda
Comment Written 21-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Thanks, Linda. How have you been feeling?
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I just don't have a lot of energy and my CHF symptoms have increased. My feet, ankles, calves and sometimes my hands, are swelling every day. I'm becoming a cranky old bitch! No patience at all. Don't go too far any more which is driving me nuts. Need I go on??? LOLOL Hope you are are doing fine. Be blessed and thanks for asking about how I feel. Linda
Comment from granny goes viral
I enjoyed the whole word picture (as I call poetry), however the last line...wow. Really terrific...spilling silence as I scatter. Fantastic tiny portrait on end of whole picture.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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I enjoyed the whole word picture (as I call poetry), however the last line...wow. Really terrific...spilling silence as I scatter. Fantastic tiny portrait on end of whole picture.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi Dallas01,
LOL... I've been right of center most of my life, kiddo. If I were completely centered, I would think something was wrong!
Great poem. Love the abstract depicting being all over the place.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Hi Dallas01,
LOL... I've been right of center most of my life, kiddo. If I were completely centered, I would think something was wrong!
Great poem. Love the abstract depicting being all over the place.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax
Comment Written 21-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Sometimes I get there and then life happens all over again. lol. Thanks for reviewing.
