Comment from layoung

Excellent

Very nicely done. I like your dialogue and how you keep the tags very simple but add just enough to the supporting text. I didn't realize I was picking this up on chapter 4 so now I need to go back and look at the beginning. I am new to this site and have only posted 2 chapters, I would be honored to 'hear' what you think if you have a moment:)

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2014

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Comment from Curly Girly

Excellent

This sounds like the start of another good novel by you. I'll be looking forward to reading more.
Ranching and drug trafficking... it sounds horrendously dangerous.

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2014

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Comment from Selina Stambi

Excellent

I enjoyed another chapter of your new novel, Barbara.

I like the strong women heroines you create. :)

Hope you have a great week.

Until next time,

Love,

Sonali :)


Soni used her hands to show the small size.... suggest: ... Soni used her hands to indicate how small it was ... or .... to indicate the dimensions

He is a good person(,) but surrounded by evil."

have two(comma not required) fine, new Quarter

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2014

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Comment from Maureen's Pen

Excellent

Dear Barbara - Just seems to be getting more mystery of who he is. Loved your scene work, it builds a fabulous movie in my mind. Loved your strong images and character dialogue was perfectly penned, felt real.
Great overall job and thanks for sharing.
Maureen

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014

Thank you for dropping by and leaving this encouraging review.

Comment from gazzagodbod

Excellent

couldnt see any errors but im the first to admit im not the best at spotting them but like the way you write great chapter xxgazzaxx

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014

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Comment from TheWriteTeach

Excellent

Barb,

Another good chapter. It is a short one, but it moves the story forward. We learned a little bit more about Jim, but not enough to clear up the mystery surrounding him.

Just a couple of things for you to consider.

- "Would you ask them to search around the yuccas for a small[,] black[,] spiral notepad?" Add commas where indicated.

- Soni watched Alex take his cell from his jean[']s pocket . . . ." Add apostrophe where indicated for the possessive s.

- While not incorrect, it sounds strange for Soni to refer to the foals as male and female. I've been around horses and horse people all my life. We've always referred to them as a colt or filly.

Nice chapter. Looking forward to the next installment.

Suzanne

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014

I had the apostrophe in jean's and a reviewer told me to take it out. DARN!! I will add it. I looked foal up in the dictionary, and it said any nonweaned newborn horse. That's why I used it. I will do further investigation. Thank you for the help. I appreciate it.

reply by TheWriteTeach on 22-Jul-2014

The pocket belongs to the pair of jeans, so you need the apostrophe. Don't second guess yourself; go with your gut. You are right about the definition of a foal. Horse people just don't refer to a foal as boy, girl, male, or female - it's colt and filly.

Comment from Cumbrianlass

Excellent

Hmm, the mystery grows about this man. Good dialogue and plot flow, Barbara, tantalizing us with little bits of information that lead to page turning! Well done. Like the names for the foals, too.

Well done.

Av

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014

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Comment from pbroussard209

Excellent

Very interesting story I am looking forward to reading more. No error's jumped out at me. Sorry I have been away but with three kids, summer is a busy time for me. My reading post will be off and on until school begins and I have some time to myself.

Trish

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014

Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review. I understand, I raised four boys.

Comment from CALLAHANMR

Excellent

Hi Barbara:)
Soni's injured guest is turning into quite a mystery man. He is still weak from his fall, but seems anxious to leave.
He probably isn't a lawman or he would have some form of identification, In fact, I wonder why he wouldn't have at least a driver's license in his wallet. Or did nobody look inside the wallet?

All the weapons and a bulletproof vest indicate he was far more than a casual visitor to the ranch. Also adding suspicion, is the fact that he didn't want a doctor. What is he hiding?

In most situations like this, I would think somebody would call the sheriff, but that might ruin the plot.

I like the easy to follow dialog. The story has a nice pace and flows easily. I'm low on stars so I hope you will settle for my love and appreciation. I'm ready for another chapter.

Roger

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014

Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review. Nobody looked in the wallet. Soni left it on him.

Comment from angelface2

Excellent

this is very well written, Barbara. I find no spag and it is an interesting chapter. I love the picture of the foal. It goes with the story very well. Nice job. Miss Sally

 Comment Written 21-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2014

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