Comment from Just2Write

Excellent

Excellent Haiku, Rama -

The Bleeding Heart plant is so beautiful, and your Haiku compliments them and let's us see them in a new, and spiritual way. The correct name for the plant is Bleeding Heart - and would not take away from your Haiku if you chose to use the name vs. the words, 'Heart Flower' but perhaps you wished to avoid using a Proper Name.

Regardless, the poem is lovely, and I'm sure your friend who took the picture will treasure it.

Rose.

 Comment Written 21-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014

Thanks for your lovely, thoughtful comments, dear Rose. So glad you enjoyed this. I would love to use the name but it takes up too many syllables. Love, rd

reply by Just2Write on 22-Jul-2014

Heart flowers align
vs.
Bleeding hearts align

5 syllables for each.
- but as always - just a suggestion -
the final choice is that of the writer.

Hope you are keeping well, my friend.
Rose.

reply by the author on 23-Jul-2014

Ah thanks, Rose. I was thinking the word flowers needs to be there because not everyone knows the flowers are called bleeding hearts. Without the photo, that version may not make sense to a general audience. :) Hope you're well too. I am blissful but my body has some afflictions--nothing too serious, though.

Love, rd

reply by Just2Write on 23-Jul-2014

You are right, of course. The name Bleeding Hearts would not stand without the picture.

Sorry to hear about your afflictions. I hope that you will be able to correct them and return to blissful health.

Rose.

reply by the author on 23-Jul-2014

Fortunately, my bliss is not dependent on physical health---but I hope so too! Thanks, dear. Hugs, rd

Comment from DanielEkine

Excellent

Flowers have to stick together and bloom together. One source of nutrition from the roots. A gratifying haiku to the author's artistry. Good rhyme and combination of diction. Nicely done, and a unique artwork.

 Comment Written 21-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014

Thank you for your kind comments. Not sure why you mentioned rhyme and diction, as this is haiku? Warmly, rd

reply by DanielEkine on 21-Jul-2014

the rhythm and the words used to create the haiku.

reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014

:-))

Comment from DALLAS01

Excellent

I really like the message here regarding the essence of unity. It does in fact stem for the heart. Really nice choice of art work to enhance it. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 21-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014

Thank you for your kind comments, dear. Glad this resonated with you. :)
Warmly, r d

Comment from Glasstruth

Excellent

Nature, showing its heart from one stem. A beautiful thought, and superbly expressed in a haiku. The key word in this: "unity" A wonderful lesson. Good luck with the contest. Les

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014

Thanks for your thoughtful, kind comments, dear Les.
Peace and Blessings, rd

Comment from emrpoems

Excellent

You have delivered a very sound philosophical and also spiritual message in a perfect 5-7-5 syllable count form.
Stunning presentation
Good luck in the contest

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014

Thanks for your very kind comments. Glad you enjoyed.
Warm Smiles, rd

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

Let me look long and hard at this posting. Said to be a Haiku, it has seventeen syllables. It has short-long-short lines. It concerns mainly nature. all seems excellent.

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014

Thanks, L. It is actually not 'about' nature but uses a nature image metaphorically. Warmly, rd

Comment from Spitfire

Excellent

Wouldn't Freud have a joy with this picture. LOL. The metaphor of one root feeding many is a good one. Certainly, unity would prevail. Good alliteration with flowers and fed; assonance with stem fed.

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014

Ah yes, Freud would love these flowers! Thanks for your very thoughtful comments, dear. Glad you enjoyed.
Warm Smiles, rd

Comment from seaglass

Excellent

The bleeding heart plant is one of my favorites. This poem takes it be on the beauty to a metaphoric deeper meaning; unity...and of course the connection to the same source. This is the lesson to humanity.

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014

Thanks for your very kind comments. Glad you enjoyed this, Seaglass.
Warm Smiles, rd

Comment from SLHarper

Exceptional

Hi RD!

I dabbled a bit in haiku not too long ago, so, even though the form doesn't generally float my boat, I definitely have a new appreciation for the challenges entailed in writing effective, compelling haiku.

This one is a winner! I like the compounding of visual with conceptual meaning throughout, beginning with the obvious shape of the blooms and connotations associated with "heart" and carried through by the notions of both figurative and literal "alignment," as well as the subtext of "feeding" in terms of both physical and psychic nourishment.

As far as the flow is concerned, this little poem sounds lovely. Your short e and m sounds in the second line are harmonic (another reverberation of the poem's meaning!).

I love the satori line as it stands, but I also had another idea that occurred to me, which could possibly work. What do you think of

unity blooms

???

The words "blooms" and "blossoms" can both be either nouns or verbs (which are both appropriate and add even more depth to the moment of insight) and they both have the same beautiful m consonance carried over from the second line. But "blooms" also echoes the oo sound from "root" in the second line. I guess that the 5-7-5 symmetry would be forfeited, but 5-7-5 is not necessarily a requirement of haiku, as long as your lines are short-long-short and composed of 17 or less syllables... Perhaps, if the satori is one syllable shorter than line 1, it would set it apart just that slight bit more to increase its impact? Just a thought. I do think what you've already written is brilliant as it stands. I just thought I'd offer the impression that occurred to me as I read.

Best of luck in the contest!

Stephie

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014

Wow, thanks for your super-enthusiastic, thoughtful and glowing response, dear Stephie. I love your reviews. Thanks for noticing all nuances in both meaning and delivery, including the musical aspects (which i always aim for, even in haiku). I like your satori line suggestion---actually, I LOVE it. Crisper sounding, with the same meaning and the bonus assonance. I will make that change. Yay! I was trying to keep the line 5 syllables because the contest judges may not understand that haiku can be less than 17 syllables--I do not believe the FS contest committee judges know all the forms they are judging (based on some of their choices of winners over the years!).

Hope I have a review thumb left to give you.

Big Warm Hugs and Smiles, rd

Comment from hari anand

Excellent

beautiful description of heart shaped flowers blossoming as one, excellent entry for the haiku contest, best of luck for the win

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014

Thanks for your kind comments. Glad you enjoyed.
Warm Smiles, rd