haibun (needed rain)
contest entry15 total reviews
Comment from royowen
A really good haibun Debbie, great content, I love this short form poem, a clever poem, rain is so good for the environment. It is nature's washing machine, it even washes the roads! Well done with this one, good luck in the contest! Blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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A really good haibun Debbie, great content, I love this short form poem, a clever poem, rain is so good for the environment. It is nature's washing machine, it even washes the roads! Well done with this one, good luck in the contest! Blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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Thank you, my friend. Have a blessed day~Debbie
Comment from Ewy
I really enjoyed the haiku portion of this work. It captured the imagery and concise nature of the challenge. The haiku conveyed to me a sense of need and life that grows as a result.
For the prose I was left questioning the time frame of the scene. I first felt the late morning and later learned it was actually dusk. This one line felt a little out of place in the theme of life and rain. The imagery of dusk makes me think of life drawing to a close. Other than this one line, the prose captured a good feeling and reminds me of cool summer monsoons.
Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
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reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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I really enjoyed the haiku portion of this work. It captured the imagery and concise nature of the challenge. The haiku conveyed to me a sense of need and life that grows as a result.
For the prose I was left questioning the time frame of the scene. I first felt the late morning and later learned it was actually dusk. This one line felt a little out of place in the theme of life and rain. The imagery of dusk makes me think of life drawing to a close. Other than this one line, the prose captured a good feeling and reminds me of cool summer monsoons.
Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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A haibun can progress through time in the prose portion. So, yes, this was morning until dusk. Only the haiku portion has to be a snapshot in time. The prompt was a haibun on rainy day, and I feel this does meet that criteria by progressing through the day. Original haibuns were actually travelogues of primarily Basho's(famous Japanese writer) journeys. The prose is a literal account of events, so dusk meant just that, the end of the rainy day. If you go to Haibun Today, I think you will find it supports what I have explained. Thank you, my friend~Debbie
Comment from Pyrrho
The prose are poetic which is a major plus in the value of your post. The content is also a plus, bringing the reader pleasure. As for the Haiku-type ending: haiku is so horribly distorted and un-poetic on this sight, every time one shows up unannounced on my screen, I cringe. Yours, however is somewhat of a delight, especially the last line which triggers a lovely visual.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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The prose are poetic which is a major plus in the value of your post. The content is also a plus, bringing the reader pleasure. As for the Haiku-type ending: haiku is so horribly distorted and un-poetic on this sight, every time one shows up unannounced on my screen, I cringe. Yours, however is somewhat of a delight, especially the last line which triggers a lovely visual.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much for the kind words and review, my friend. Yes the Japanese forms on this site need a lot of work. Have a blessed evening~Debbie
Comment from krys123
Debbie;
Your haibun is written is very excellently and the poem following it is well done.
Your imagination shows through by your resourcefulness and is very creative and inventive. The energy that you use is also very descriptive and expressive throughout.
The energy that you set in your poem and short piece was well enough this get your message across with the beauty Of the daylights sun passing through the misty clouds.
Thank you so much for sharing and posting this for everyone and made the Lord be with you and good luck and this prompt for this is an excellent entry.
Alex
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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Debbie;
Your haibun is written is very excellently and the poem following it is well done.
Your imagination shows through by your resourcefulness and is very creative and inventive. The energy that you use is also very descriptive and expressive throughout.
The energy that you set in your poem and short piece was well enough this get your message across with the beauty Of the daylights sun passing through the misty clouds.
Thank you so much for sharing and posting this for everyone and made the Lord be with you and good luck and this prompt for this is an excellent entry.
Alex
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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Thank you, my friend. Have a blessed day~Debbie
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Again you are so sincerely welcome Debbie.
Alex
Comment from visionary1234
Excellent haibun entry Deb! I'm vibing with you on the 'rainy day' theme as I look outside to see the whole island shrouded in misty rain! Love your concluding haiku. I haven't seen all lower case used in the prose section of a haibun before - is that common practice? I'm woefully ignorant in short forms, though I do love to write haibun!
:)Sharyn
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reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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Excellent haibun entry Deb! I'm vibing with you on the 'rainy day' theme as I look outside to see the whole island shrouded in misty rain! Love your concluding haiku. I haven't seen all lower case used in the prose section of a haibun before - is that common practice? I'm woefully ignorant in short forms, though I do love to write haibun!
:)Sharyn
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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Thanks, Sharyn. I haven't seen that either, but the contest specifies it--don't know why. Glad you like it, my friend~Debbie
