Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 66 "Sota Moon, Part Two"Murder Mystery
39 total reviews
Comment from Pyrrho
Re your opening quote in red: one must believe in demons before he can care a fig about the requirements on exorcists: just a comment, not part of my review or constructive criticism.
'Farther' up the tree ... I admit to being confuse about when to use further and when to use 'farther' so all I can write is, I hope you do.
Re paragraph four: you start too many sentences with gerunds and this becomes a distraction for your readers. If you decide to correct this (what I consider a) discrepancy, there are probably more but i do not intend to pause my read to record them.
You use italics to good advantage to distinguish between narrative and character's thoughts. I always do that and admire it in other writers.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Re your opening quote in red: one must believe in demons before he can care a fig about the requirements on exorcists: just a comment, not part of my review or constructive criticism.
'Farther' up the tree ... I admit to being confuse about when to use further and when to use 'farther' so all I can write is, I hope you do.
Re paragraph four: you start too many sentences with gerunds and this becomes a distraction for your readers. If you decide to correct this (what I consider a) discrepancy, there are probably more but i do not intend to pause my read to record them.
You use italics to good advantage to distinguish between narrative and character's thoughts. I always do that and admire it in other writers.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Thank you for your suggestions.
Comment from misscookie
Wow!
Another great chapter and as always there was never a dull moment .
You captured my attention all the way.
especially when Wasu enter the story.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Wow!
Another great chapter and as always there was never a dull moment .
You captured my attention all the way.
especially when Wasu enter the story.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much, Cookie. Glad you enjoyed the chapter... I appreciate the support. Hugs, Bev
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You're very welcome, have a blessed day. Until next time.
Cookie
Comment from Dean Kuch
We begin this chapter as Jake climbs up the tree and into the weather-beaten tree stand to get a better look and vantage point of what's going down in the cabin below. As he reaches his destination, he peers through binoculars to see the devil dog in one of the windows smiling at him. The dog then begins to speak to Jake, to get into his head. It tells him to leave, just go, while there was still time. No sooner had Jake been considering doing just that, shots rang out from the cabin. Fearing for his partner's safety, Jake slides down and head straight for the cabin. Before he gets all the way to the ground, he spies a Hispanic man carrying a body slung over his shoulder. Jake knows exactly where the man is going with the body. He's headed to the old Cayuna Mine...
~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~
Just as the demon in the Exorcist got into the head of Father Karras by talking about his mother in the movie, so too does this demon speaking to Father Brian try the same tactics.
""Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you, blest are you among women and blest is the fruit of your womb, Jesus." -- I always thought the prayer went, blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.. H-m-m-m-m-m, Bev. You learn something new every day!
As the demon digs it's teeth into Brian's leg and drags him along the ground, none other than Wasu comes to him and saves the day. However, Brian notices something about the dog has changed, and Wasu's fur is emitting an eerie glow. Brian eventually remembers that Jana had told him the dog was dead and buried, and the realization that he is now dealing with a ghostly hound comes over him.
The story ends as the cleric collects his valise and follows Wasu into an area of the reservation known only as Ghostland.
Nice!
Another excellent chapter in the books, Bev! Well done~~Dean
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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We begin this chapter as Jake climbs up the tree and into the weather-beaten tree stand to get a better look and vantage point of what's going down in the cabin below. As he reaches his destination, he peers through binoculars to see the devil dog in one of the windows smiling at him. The dog then begins to speak to Jake, to get into his head. It tells him to leave, just go, while there was still time. No sooner had Jake been considering doing just that, shots rang out from the cabin. Fearing for his partner's safety, Jake slides down and head straight for the cabin. Before he gets all the way to the ground, he spies a Hispanic man carrying a body slung over his shoulder. Jake knows exactly where the man is going with the body. He's headed to the old Cayuna Mine...
Just as the demon in the Exorcist got into the head of Father Karras by talking about his mother in the movie, so too does this demon speaking to Father Brian try the same tactics.
""Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you, blest are you among women and blest is the fruit of your womb, Jesus." -- I always thought the prayer went, blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.. H-m-m-m-m-m, Bev. You learn something new every day!
As the demon digs it's teeth into Brian's leg and drags him along the ground, none other than Wasu comes to him and saves the day. However, Brian notices something about the dog has changed, and Wasu's fur is emitting an eerie glow. Brian eventually remembers that Jana had told him the dog was dead and buried, and the realization that he is now dealing with a ghostly hound comes over him.
The story ends as the cleric collects his valise and follows Wasu into an area of the reservation known only as Ghostland.
Nice!
Another excellent chapter in the books, Bev! Well done~~Dean
Comment Written 14-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Hi, Dean. Thanks for this grand review. Your the second person to mention my choice to use blest. Seems lots of folks know the words to the rosary! I looked up blest and it can be used instead of blessed and it's the form I prefer when saying the prayer. But I do appreciate your bringing it to my attention.
Thanks a bunch for your support and encouragement, Dean. Always nice to get your unique perspective!
:) Bev
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I got'cha, Bev, I never knew that. See, you learn something new everday.
You're very welcome, I guess I just like the older, traditional version better.
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:)
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Well, you bloody well did it again. A crescendo of a chapter, Bev. The tension is palpable, as is the presence of evil. I'm glad I'm reading this on a bright sunny morning, ffs! I'd never dare climb the stairs to bed if it were at night. And go down to the basement? Not in a million...!!!!
A few things for your consideration:
Further up the tree, two branches merged and looped. - s/b 'Farther' (pertains to distance).
It()s muzzle contorted into a sinister smile
Love the communication from the painted dog. Got goose bumps!
It was a place hewn out (of) the earth.- Again, your choice. Not sure if 'of' is necessary, because I know in the States you say 'out the window'. In the UK we say 'out of the window'. Thought I'd check, tho'!
In his mind's eye, he (saw?) timbers holding up the walls and tunnels without light. - suggestion only.
"God cares nothing for you, Father. Any more than he cared to show your own mother mercy. He deals in absolutes. Suicide equals hell. Just ask your mother. She's here with me, you know." - Brilliant, brilliant comments that just add to the entire absolute creepiness of this situation.
the beleagu(e)red cleric prayed, - Not sure about this. Yours might be the US spelling??
But for Brian, a light uncoiled itself in the center of his mind. Though but a pinpoint, it carried the breath of holiness. - Love that. :)
The entire rage scene is remarkable, Bev. A perfect rendition of a demon's fury. Really well done, my friend.
An Angelic bloodhound! Just what I need right now. Yes! Woohoo - superb!
Brian hurried to keep up as they entered an area of the reservation called Ghostland. - How appropro .
Bravo, Bev. Great work.
Love Av
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Well, you bloody well did it again. A crescendo of a chapter, Bev. The tension is palpable, as is the presence of evil. I'm glad I'm reading this on a bright sunny morning, ffs! I'd never dare climb the stairs to bed if it were at night. And go down to the basement? Not in a million...!!!!
A few things for your consideration:
Further up the tree, two branches merged and looped. - s/b 'Farther' (pertains to distance).
It()s muzzle contorted into a sinister smile
Love the communication from the painted dog. Got goose bumps!
It was a place hewn out (of) the earth.- Again, your choice. Not sure if 'of' is necessary, because I know in the States you say 'out the window'. In the UK we say 'out of the window'. Thought I'd check, tho'!
In his mind's eye, he (saw?) timbers holding up the walls and tunnels without light. - suggestion only.
"God cares nothing for you, Father. Any more than he cared to show your own mother mercy. He deals in absolutes. Suicide equals hell. Just ask your mother. She's here with me, you know." - Brilliant, brilliant comments that just add to the entire absolute creepiness of this situation.
the beleagu(e)red cleric prayed, - Not sure about this. Yours might be the US spelling??
But for Brian, a light uncoiled itself in the center of his mind. Though but a pinpoint, it carried the breath of holiness. - Love that. :)
The entire rage scene is remarkable, Bev. A perfect rendition of a demon's fury. Really well done, my friend.
An Angelic bloodhound! Just what I need right now. Yes! Woohoo - superb!
Brian hurried to keep up as they entered an area of the reservation called Ghostland. - How appropro .
Bravo, Bev. Great work.
Love Av
Comment Written 14-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Dear Av, thank you so much for this generous review both in encouragement and assistance. I hope you will appreciate what I'm about to write. I pay some ungodly amount of money for an online editing service (not RD). It's called Grammarly. And I'm thinking I should send the yearly payment to Averly instead. You do a much better job. hehehehehehe
Seriously, thanks for the help, my friend. And your insights are spot on and so appreciated.
Love and Hugs, Bev
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Averly! LOL! I follow them (Grammarly) on Facebook!
You're very welcome, Glad to help - these are only minor things, anyway.
Love Av
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Bev.
Wow, this is excellent! The first part of the chapter with Jake is so well shown. I could see him perched in the tree, feel his intensity as he pondered with his surprise and decisions. I could feel his short-lived relief, a pause and then the leap of tension.
I got chills reading the scene with Father Brian, the visuals he sees and the calling he feels he must follow. Your descriptions are incredible, giving the reader such a view of all that is taking place in the scene.
Fry bread sounds delicious and reminds me of the churros, a Mexican stick-like doughnut. Yum. :)
Awesome chapter!!!!
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Hi, Bev.
Wow, this is excellent! The first part of the chapter with Jake is so well shown. I could see him perched in the tree, feel his intensity as he pondered with his surprise and decisions. I could feel his short-lived relief, a pause and then the leap of tension.
I got chills reading the scene with Father Brian, the visuals he sees and the calling he feels he must follow. Your descriptions are incredible, giving the reader such a view of all that is taking place in the scene.
Fry bread sounds delicious and reminds me of the churros, a Mexican stick-like doughnut. Yum. :)
Awesome chapter!!!!
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 14-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Fry bread is ridiculously delicious, Rosalyne. And I'm sure it's very similar to a churro which I haven't yet tried.
Thanks for the awesome review. I appreciate your remarks about Jake's part of the story as I worked especially hard to get that just right.
Love and hugs,
Bev
Comment from chasennov
Chapter 66 of the book Along the Jericho Road "Sota Moon, Part Two" I have not read one of your brilliant chapters for a while, because Stephanie and I have one server and FS does not allow either of us to review a posting twice. I have actually jumped the gun here. I am supposed to review only poems, and Stephanie, novels. This story is as good as all the others. Well done.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Chapter 66 of the book Along the Jericho Road "Sota Moon, Part Two" I have not read one of your brilliant chapters for a while, because Stephanie and I have one server and FS does not allow either of us to review a posting twice. I have actually jumped the gun here. I am supposed to review only poems, and Stephanie, novels. This story is as good as all the others. Well done.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much, C. Thanks for your taking time to read and for your wonderful review. I'm thrilled you enjoyed the story. And much appreciate your support and encouragement, my friend.
:) Bev
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You are most welcome, Bev. Stay well.
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You as well, my friend.
:))
Comment from Adri7enne
Boy, it would sure be a scary world if spirits could play havoc with individual lives like this, uh? The mind can surely create nightmares. You've got some scary stuff going on. Even "An Angelic bloodhound!" Do these characters form part of the Sioux legends?
You have interesting characters, Bev. A good read!
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Boy, it would sure be a scary world if spirits could play havoc with individual lives like this, uh? The mind can surely create nightmares. You've got some scary stuff going on. Even "An Angelic bloodhound!" Do these characters form part of the Sioux legends?
You have interesting characters, Bev. A good read!
Comment Written 14-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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It IS a scary world for me, because I've seen how spirits can play havoc with people's lives. The sad thing is they are rarely aware of such. So, is Wasu really an angel or just an energy that has been sent by the Ancestors?
Thanks for the terrific review, Adrienne. I really appreciate it.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Kausar_Javeria
Hello there~!
This certainly was an interesting chapter. I wonder what lies in store for Brian at the intriguing Ghostland.
What I love about this is the size of the chapters. Good thing you divided them into parts.
Thanks for sharing!
JazakAllah Khair~!
(God Bless~!)
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Hello there~!
This certainly was an interesting chapter. I wonder what lies in store for Brian at the intriguing Ghostland.
What I love about this is the size of the chapters. Good thing you divided them into parts.
Thanks for sharing!
JazakAllah Khair~!
(God Bless~!)
Comment Written 14-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Hi, KJ. I really appreciate this great review. And I'm glad you are liking the chapter length because I run out of steam with anything much longer LoL.
:) Bev
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Wow, Bev! I was literally on the edge of my seat reading this chapter. Your writing and story have picked up speed. You so skillfully mingle the supernatural with the humans and the raw reality. Jake is a believable character faced with such an unknown entity and such fear. I love the angel dog, Wasu. A nice touch.
Another fabulous chapter. Love your artwork choice.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Wow, Bev! I was literally on the edge of my seat reading this chapter. Your writing and story have picked up speed. You so skillfully mingle the supernatural with the humans and the raw reality. Jake is a believable character faced with such an unknown entity and such fear. I love the angel dog, Wasu. A nice touch.
Another fabulous chapter. Love your artwork choice.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Thank you so very much, Marietta. I'm glad Jake came across as believable. He's another one of those back-stage characters that served a good purpose here. And I really appreciate your generosity, as always, my friend.
The artwork is awesome, isn't it? Moonwillow is also a writer on this part of the site, too.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
A nice write up. The characters of jake / others are well portrayed. The last line was special.
"Wasu, take me to where I'm needed."
The hound leaped into motion, and Brian hurried to keep up as they entered an area of the reservation called Ghostland[[ the 'wasu' is a special name]]
K
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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A nice write up. The characters of jake / others are well portrayed. The last line was special.
"Wasu, take me to where I'm needed."
The hound leaped into motion, and Brian hurried to keep up as they entered an area of the reservation called Ghostland[[ the 'wasu' is a special name]]
K
Comment Written 14-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much, K. I really appreciate your wonderful review. Thank you for your support for my story!
:) Bev
