Bel Air: A Bard's Guide
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "The Kids Escape, But Not Angela"Sequel to The Bard of Bel Air.
10 total reviews
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Interesting Mikey. At least sakes, most of the children are free. But how will the girl escape the witch, with a gun? Looks like the Hempen Halter is tightening around her neck. Amazingly, I Remember what is going on. There must be a plan b? She is running out of options. Good addition to your novel. Well done. wackydo. Count your doubloon, sir.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Interesting Mikey. At least sakes, most of the children are free. But how will the girl escape the witch, with a gun? Looks like the Hempen Halter is tightening around her neck. Amazingly, I Remember what is going on. There must be a plan b? She is running out of options. Good addition to your novel. Well done. wackydo. Count your doubloon, sir.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Hey there Wackster! Look at all those stars. Love it! Check out 27 if you get a chance even if it's just to take a peek. That's the one with pictures. I just skipped 3000 responses to answer yours. Hahaha. Back to work. thank you very much, sir. mikey
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Will do.
Comment from adewpearl
Elsa grabbed Angela and drug her away - dragged
looked down at Carlos, who wasn't moving - add comma
Elsa and Angela weren't on the road they choose - chose/for tense consistency
didn't look up from the ticket he scribbled on it - ticket he scribbled on.
Go east, young man - add comma for direct address
Lots of exciting action and high drama
Good use of dialogue to express intense emotion
Brooke
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Elsa grabbed Angela and drug her away - dragged
looked down at Carlos, who wasn't moving - add comma
Elsa and Angela weren't on the road they choose - chose/for tense consistency
didn't look up from the ticket he scribbled on it - ticket he scribbled on.
Go east, young man - add comma for direct address
Lots of exciting action and high drama
Good use of dialogue to express intense emotion
Brooke
Comment Written 14-Jul-2014
Comment from Nosha17
Exciting chapter with lots of action. Poor Angela on the run with a madwoman, the worst kind! At least the kids are safe. It's up to those detectives now to sort it out. I will email you when I get back home. I wished you congrats on my profile page. Thanks for your good wishes. All my predictions about writers on this site are coming true, Jax, Avril (Cumbrianlass) and you!!! Enjoyable as always. Faye
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Exciting chapter with lots of action. Poor Angela on the run with a madwoman, the worst kind! At least the kids are safe. It's up to those detectives now to sort it out. I will email you when I get back home. I wished you congrats on my profile page. Thanks for your good wishes. All my predictions about writers on this site are coming true, Jax, Avril (Cumbrianlass) and you!!! Enjoyable as always. Faye
Comment Written 14-Jul-2014
Comment from seaglass
This one has a lot happening. It's well written. The only thing I would suggest is more dialog at the top as you did at the bottom. The kids in the car could have been giving unfounded advice to the young driver.
However, three's nothing wrong with it as it is. The kids except Angela, are safe so she will get her chance to be a hero.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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This one has a lot happening. It's well written. The only thing I would suggest is more dialog at the top as you did at the bottom. The kids in the car could have been giving unfounded advice to the young driver.
However, three's nothing wrong with it as it is. The kids except Angela, are safe so she will get her chance to be a hero.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Yeah! Great idea. I may not even wait till I edit. Hahaha. Like I'm going to edit! But, I will fix that. Great chance for some fun exchanges. Thank you, mikey
Comment from l.raven
LOL...I don't think Bard is all that crazy...well the other kids are safe...but Angela got caught again...damn...and now they are heading to the school...keep it coming you...great chapter Michael...Love it!!! next...Luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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LOL...I don't think Bard is all that crazy...well the other kids are safe...but Angela got caught again...damn...and now they are heading to the school...keep it coming you...great chapter Michael...Love it!!! next...Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Now I gotta figure out what's next... Hmmmm. Well, we'll see tomorrow! Thanks for following along. I'll have to give you an autographed copy if I ever publish this! mikey
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I'll hold you to that...tomorrow!!! luff...xxoo
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Three exclamation points? Okay, I know serious when I see it! It's posted...
Comment from ravenblack
Jesus jumping cornstarch- is the Bard contagious? And now Angela headed to Mormon country. I think there are still polygamist fringe groups out there. Good luck to the Bard in going undercover w/Tenyaya and Lucy. Just one minor fix- drug- dragged.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Jesus jumping cornstarch- is the Bard contagious? And now Angela headed to Mormon country. I think there are still polygamist fringe groups out there. Good luck to the Bard in going undercover w/Tenyaya and Lucy. Just one minor fix- drug- dragged.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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I know it should be dragged, but for some quirky reason that sounds so wrong to me. Hahaha. So does dreamed. I want to write drempt. Well, I'll just put what is correct. But, when I'm rich it will become a quirk that is cool. mikey
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the story. Angela was able to free some kids, but now she is in big trouble. She is being taken to where Bard and his group have some experience. This is a benefit. You can now count on Angela helping to save herself. I am eager for more. Great work.
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I love the story. Angela was able to free some kids, but now she is in big trouble. She is being taken to where Bard and his group have some experience. This is a benefit. You can now count on Angela helping to save herself. I am eager for more. Great work.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
I have the feeling that you could write about anything and make it interesting. These characters are so clear that they are iconic. The Bard is as strong a character as I have read in years. He has so much range and he is believable. Remarka
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2014
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I have the feeling that you could write about anything and make it interesting. These characters are so clear that they are iconic. The Bard is as strong a character as I have read in years. He has so much range and he is believable. Remarka
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2014
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The best review I've had on this book. Very encouraging. Thank you kindly, mikey
Comment from Sankey
Another good chapter mate. Capital capital as I think the bloke said on pride and Prejudice hehe. Good old Jane Austin. Now I'm raving. Some spags including typical Amurrikan mispellin' hehe.
the road they cho(-o)se
hear(here) operating a motor vehicle
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2014
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Another good chapter mate. Capital capital as I think the bloke said on pride and Prejudice hehe. Good old Jane Austin. Now I'm raving. Some spags including typical Amurrikan mispellin' hehe.
the road they cho(-o)se
hear(here) operating a motor vehicle
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2014
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There I go with here/hear again. Good eyes! I guess I'm back to one a day maybe. That's the consensus to maintain interest they say. That's a novel. Autobiographies are different I'm told. You can take your time a bit with them. mikey
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Wonderful episode. Love the Bard's comments, as always.
>>You don't get Dr. Pepper when you're in trouble. Every kid knows that.
It's lines like this that help readers to relate to you and your characters. Excellent!
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2014
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Wonderful episode. Love the Bard's comments, as always.
>>You don't get Dr. Pepper when you're in trouble. Every kid knows that.
It's lines like this that help readers to relate to you and your characters. Excellent!
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2014
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AAAANNNNND!!! A great review and a world of stars too!!! I'm delighted you chose that line. That was the line I wondered about. I thought that was important and I can't tell you how happy I am you thought so too. Thank you kindly, mikey
